Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In laws constantly refer to daughter as ‘baby’ rather than her name!

191 replies

Motherofpearlxoxo · 26/10/2023 23:07

MIL and FIL constantly refer to my 8 week old daughter, their granddaughter, as ‘the baby’ when speaking to us and one another.

”you come across with the baby”
”I’ll take the baby”
”pass us the baby’
”did baby just smile”
etc etc

When ‘the baby’ was 2 weeks old MIL referred to her as ‘thingy’ and I was livid but didn’t say anything. Husband agreed that it wasn’t good but we of course just left it as it was one passing comment. He doesn’t see any issue with only ever referring to our daughter as ‘baby’ or ‘the baby’.

She gives them non stop smiles and looks at them so adoringly and they can’t be arsed to use her name. It’s the very centre of someone’s identity!! Am I over reacting by being angry about this??

OP posts:
novalia89 · 27/10/2023 23:41

Grandparents in my family do this for their own grandchildren for about a year. It’s just a cultural habit.

dizzydizzydizzy · 28/10/2023 00:26

Changethetoner · 26/10/2023 23:13

My husband and I called our baby "the baby" for weeks. It felt odd to use their name, and took a while to get used to doing so. During the pregnancy we'd talked about "the baby" and it just kind of continued.

A newborn baby is kind of just a blob, and it was hard to associate them with a person, a person with a name.

So I think you're being unreasonable. I'm sure in time, the grandparents will realise the baby is in fact a human person, and start using their name.

This.
I'm sure the GPs will start using DD's name when she is a bit older.

Lucyintheskywithadiamond · 28/10/2023 00:45

I still call my 17 DD baby girl, don’t see what the issue is, worse things could be happening to you.

Luckyduc · 28/10/2023 00:58

In Scotland we would say exactly what your mother in law says and it's meant as something caring and sweet. Reading what you said I thought thought were abit odd

TheTempest · 28/10/2023 00:59

My DD is still the baby and she’s 14 😂

Snorkmaidenn · 28/10/2023 01:05

The youngest in the family is always called the baby according to Londoners. My children were the baby until they were eight and I had four. It's just traditional, don't worry.

2welshmums · 28/10/2023 01:09

My DD is 5 next week and MIL and SO's family still call her 'The Baby'. It pisses me right off!
I do correct them, she is not a baby, there are children in the family younger than her but they don't listen!

AcrossthePond55 · 28/10/2023 02:01

I don't think calling a baby 'baby' is a big deal. It's pretty normal to say "Do you want to hold the baby" or "The baby needs changing".

My dad's youngest brother was called 'the baby' for so long that 'Babe' became his nickname. So my cousins and I had an 'Uncle Babe'. And Uncle Babe (born when his mother was 52) ended up the biggest of all 8 boys.

AutumnColours9 · 28/10/2023 02:09

Mine did this and it was because they didn't like the name

HoppingPavlova · 28/10/2023 02:14

We always called our babies ‘the baby’, as in ‘who’s getting the baby’, ‘can you get the baby dressed’, or if we went in to greet them ‘hey baby’ It just seemed more normal than using their name.

HoppingPavlova · 28/10/2023 02:17

@2welshmums My DD is 5 next week and MIL and SO's family still call her 'The Baby'. It pisses me right off! I do correct them, she is not a baby, there are children in the family younger than her but they don't listen

Is she the youngest in your own nuclear family though? If so, what they are saying makes sense as she is the baby of YOUR family, irrespective if the larger family has younger ones, cousins etc. However, if your daughter has younger siblings, then that’s odd.

Angelina1972 · 28/10/2023 03:22

Are your ILs from Liverpool? If so Scousers do call the baby of the family “the baby”. My friends youngest daughter is 19, youngest of 4 and is called “the baby”. It’s a term of endearment. I think it’s cute.

FTM2B1 · 28/10/2023 06:36

I'd have been annoyed by "thingy" but I dont think "the baby" is anything to worry about. As PP have said, they're usually "the baby" while they're in your tummy and that kind if just continues. I still refer to my LO as "the baby" and she's nearly 1 and a half! But she's my baby, and she's the baby of the family so in a way she is the baby.

TammyJones · 28/10/2023 07:10

SammySays · 26/10/2023 23:12

In my family ‘the baby’ is a term of endearment. I’m in my 30’s and I’m still referred to as ‘the baby’ as I’m an only child. My mum will quite often say (if on the phone to my dad for example) “I’m just with the baby and then I’ll be home”. I don’t mind it- they could call me worse 😂

That is so sweet 🥹
Op you're probably tired / stressed / hormonal... I know I was

I'd have loved my in-laws ti hsve said/ we'll look after the baby for a few hours while you rest - but they didn't - ever
Maybe if they had (or if dad and step mum ) had also said it , maybe my marriage would have survived

Housebuyer22 · 28/10/2023 08:57

My niece and son were born 4 days apart, we always called them ‘the babies’ as they were the only two children in the family for 5 and half years.

They will be 10 in February and when we are talking about just them two (not the other 3 babies that have come after them) we call them ‘the babies’ and everyone knows who we are talking about.

I personally don’t think it’s a big deal- the child/children know they are loved and have family/people who are always there for them. Not every child gets that!

SGANDRUE · 28/10/2023 09:09

I call my DS 'child' or 'the child' . I don't know why and I still do it. He's 24 now! I love him to death and I chose his name.

SlightlygrumpyBettyswaitress · 28/10/2023 09:33

My mum called all of mine the baby until another baby in the family arrived.

Casperroonie · 28/10/2023 11:26

I find it odd you see an issue tbh. I still call my own girls bebé (Spanish speaking) and my parents do the same. It's just a term of endearment.

Stormyweathr · 28/10/2023 13:20

Try living in Liverpool the youngest in every family is known as ‘our kid’ son, brother nephew, cousin it’s doesn’t matter what relation they are known by the whole family as ‘our kid’

PonyPatter44 · 28/10/2023 13:24

Are they Welsh? My Welsh ex-inlaws raved about how pretty my DDs name was, but generally called her "the baby". My ex-FIL referred to all his grandchildren as "the baby".

They did many, MANY things that pissed me off, but this wasn't one of them.

HelloWorldItsNiceToMeetYou · 28/10/2023 14:41

This can be quite a regional thing. In Liverpool where I am from, people tend to refer to the youngest child in the family as 'the baby" til they are quite old.

Sennelier1 · 28/10/2023 20:14

Could you suggest to your inlaws to call her "BabySue" (name just as an example) to make it easier on them to do as you ask? My oldest grandson (still a little boy) has called his new nephew "BabyPeter" for ages, until said Peter was old enough to claim himself he wasn't a baby anymore 😂

Vettrianofan · 28/10/2023 20:20

Thingy isn't that bad! I sometimes do that with my own as I get their names all muddled up on a really bad day 😂

Baby is fine too. You're overthinking this honestly. Lots of people say the baby. I did this too from memory. "DH watch out the baby's stuff is there, don't put down the shopping in that space" for example. Not a big deal.

MrsSkylerWhite · 28/10/2023 22:51

Our baby boy is 6ft 5 (and still growing, at 20). He’ll be the baby until he has one of his own. If he doesn’t, that’s his tag for life.

ButWhyNot88 · 28/10/2023 23:05

We’ve moved from ‘The Baby’ to ‘The Child’ - so much so that our daughter, who is 3, will sometimes refer to herself as ‘The Child’ 🙈🤣