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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is this hen do behaviour a bit off?

478 replies

TheMadHattter · 26/10/2023 15:28

I've just arrived at a hen do that has been arranged and booked for months. 2 days ago a couple of the bride's friends said they are only staying for one night now so it will cheaper for them - however as it's an Airbnb the overall cost has not changed so the remaining 6 of us have had to chip in to make up the difference for them pulling out of the second night.

I was already a bit miffed about this and now I've just arrived and the two friends who have done this have claimed a bedroom with double bed and ensuite. They have said me and SIL can have that bedroom tomorrow night once they leave and until then we can sleep on the fold out bed in the lounge. I know usually it's first come first served and we were the last to arrive, but as they've pulled out and made it more expensive for everyone else I think they should be on the fold out bed. I don't particularly want to sleep in their dirty sheets either.

I don't know these friends and I don't want to spoil it for the bride so I've just gone along with it but inside I'm pretty annoyed and just think this is rude behaviour. AIBU?

OP posts:
lokimoki · 27/10/2023 00:33

I would say to the girls as they are leaving "btw cheeky fuckers, we avoided causing a scene of your cheeky fuckery not to upset the bride and actually embarrass the bride for having such cheap skate friends but your cheeky fuckery behaviour hasn't gone unnoticed, I'm just telling you this, you are lucky to be here because of the bride otherwise I would have dragged you out of that room" and then leave.

lokimoki · 27/10/2023 00:36

lokimoki · 27/10/2023 00:33

I would say to the girls as they are leaving "btw cheeky fuckers, we avoided causing a scene of your cheeky fuckery not to upset the bride and actually embarrass the bride for having such cheap skate friends but your cheeky fuckery behaviour hasn't gone unnoticed, I'm just telling you this, you are lucky to be here because of the bride otherwise I would have dragged you out of that room" and then leave.

I would honestly say this and smack the wall at the same time because op, if you don't say anything this will eat you up for a very very long time and at least it will give you the opportunity to let your hair down during the wedding while they will sit their seething for being caught out for their cheeky fuckery behaviour. I would rather have them seething than myself.

Lavender14 · 27/10/2023 00:37

Just read about the bedding. Whoever booked it needs to contact the host and demand bedding be dropped in tonight.

I think it's fine for people to come during the day but not stay over, I wouldn't have a problem with that.

Ellmau · 27/10/2023 00:38

If these are her friends I'd be wondering if this marriage will last tbh.

SecondUsername4me · 27/10/2023 00:41

What did the MOH say when she was told the house she booked didn't have enough bedding? I'd be raging at this point.

I'd probably go and strip the linens off the CFs bed and go to sleep in it on the pull out bed.

JFT · 27/10/2023 00:48

Lovemycat2023 · 26/10/2023 17:57

I think it’s interesting when people say they hate confrontation. Who does actually like it? I can guarantee the CFs don’t, and just rely on others to avoid it. But sometimes you have to confront someone to avoid feeling pretty shit about yourself. You do it calmly, and when you’re in the right, and then you feel better even if you don’t come out as the victor.

This!

Nobody 'enjoys' confrontation except Narcissists, sociopaths, and abusers.

However, confronting issues as they arise with straightforward questions is my technique for not getting in difficult circumstances. Failing to confront issues as they arise is avoidance and self-abandonment and also a form of cowardice. So learning how to directly and really politely confront difficult situations in a non-inflammatory manner is a real life skill.

I would probably have said 'are you the two people leaving early?' (they say yes) 'are you the two people aren't paying the full amount, that me and my friend are covering for?' (they say some excuses). You say, hey how do you work that out? We're paying extra thanks to you two leaving early, which is fine, but that means we get the big room and you use the fold out beds. If they argue, then you agree to disagree. Hold your ground. What they going to do ? Resort to physical violence ? If so, remove them. More likely you can bring them round to your point of view unless they're TOTAL pieces of work in which case, cut your losses, learn an expensive and uncomfortable life lesson, and don't make the same mistake in future.

CryptoFascist · 27/10/2023 00:51

Can't believe this update!
So you're paying for facilities for other people to use during the day as well as covering the shortfall so they can have a refund?
And they're rude enough to refuse to share any bedding? I would be leaving first thing in the morning and probably wouldn't go to the wedding after all this. What horrible people.

P.s. Please update tomorrow!

JFT · 27/10/2023 00:58

It's bad isn't it?

OP is having goodwill abused and is also being financially exploited IMO.

These really are CFs and I would not even want to spend one hour with them.

I'd be tempted to bail ASAP, it's very lovely that OP cares enough of the bride not to wish to be disruptive but wow really wow, I couldn't do it.

Raincloudsonasunnyday · 27/10/2023 01:01

I think I would withhold the extra cost of the hen from the wedding gift. Not to make a point, but because I would have a notional budget in my head for this person’s wedding and I’d feel really stupid for allowing complete strangers make me break it. I wouldn’t want to subsidize a random stranger’s social life, unless I chose to (and you haven’t). This isn’t doing something nice for the bride. It’s doing something nice for the CFers.

I’d also be telling the bride/groom, much later on, that I wish I could have afforded something more by way of gift but the hen weekend ended up costing me more than I’d originally been told I’d have to pay and I was put in the spot to stump up. Didn’t have the budget. Wouldn’t much bother me if they felt bad on behalf of their friends; it was their friends who got me into this pickle. It’s just factual, fair and square. No hard feelings anywhere - prob including the CFers who seem entirely lacking in feeling/consideration.

GameOverBoys · 27/10/2023 01:03

I think for the sake of the bride I wouldn’t say anything. It’s a total pisstake but it could ruin the whole event if there is a big argument. Consider it a gift to the bride that you tolerate her shitty friends for one weekend.

AuntMarch · 27/10/2023 01:17

Lavender14 · 27/10/2023 00:37

Just read about the bedding. Whoever booked it needs to contact the host and demand bedding be dropped in tonight.

I think it's fine for people to come during the day but not stay over, I wouldn't have a problem with that.

People coming during the day only would be charged for the facilities in alcohol in my world.

user1492757084 · 27/10/2023 01:18

Insist that they put in for accommodation for the whole time - that was the deal. They will still save money as they will not pay as much for entertainment and food. Leave them to the ensuite as long as they pay accommodation up front.
Collect the accommodation money first of all so people can budget out their other spending money.

Thebigblueballoon · 27/10/2023 01:22

Do you really want to spend another torturous day with these people? Fuck that wedding after all this.

justanothermanicmonday1 · 27/10/2023 01:42

The lack of respect from the bridal party and her friends would be enough to make me leave on the spot. I'd pull the bride to one side and sincerely apologise for my early departure and I'd let her know how shit her mates are and that I'd make it up to her.

BellaTheDarkOverlord · 27/10/2023 01:50

I’d leave tonight if no bedding as it’s obvious you’re not welcome!

That is after I took ALL the booze, emptied the whole lot down the sink, then snuck the empty bottles and scattered them around the CF bedroom and en-suite to make it look like they’d drunk it all……….

MrsJamin · 27/10/2023 03:27

I would worry about the groom and the forthcoming marriage too - what kind of person the bride is when she is happy with this situation and has close friends like this! It's rather telling IMHO. Hope you manage to call out these women's dreadful behaviour whilst not upsetting the bride.

MrsJamin · 27/10/2023 03:55

It's too late for this but I would have left and said to the MOH that you wouldn't be paying as you didn't stay the night. It's her fault that she didn't stand up to those CFs in the first place, so she would need to then ask the CFs to pay more to subsidise you not staying... which would have been perfect retaliation. But yeah it'll be too late for that - sorry!

MarryingMrDarcy · 27/10/2023 05:35

😱 didn’t think it could get worse but just read your update OP. You are on the hen do from hell - fake a stomach bug and GTFO tomorrow!!

Wanttobefree2 · 27/10/2023 05:42

What awful women! You can hardly be asked to pay for other people leaving early! And now you don’t have a bed so perhaps you can also get a discount :-)

WoollyRosebud · 27/10/2023 05:53

ginnyginnygin · 27/10/2023 00:23

Are you sure everyone in the party had to pay the extra for these two dropping out of a night? After this treatment is wonder if they only asked you and SIL for the extra money and are swindling you both.

I thought the same.

Get up early tomorrow and go home, you’re clearly not wanted there by the bride’s friends apart from a source of money. I also find it hard to believe the bride is oblivious to all this.

Hairyfairy01 · 27/10/2023 06:03

This is awful OP. I think I would be leaving first thing to be honest.

HazardLights · 27/10/2023 06:15

‘Hey Bride, we didn’t want to cause any drama as want you to have a lovely weekend so just sending a quick text. We left as don’t have a bed to sleep in - the pull out is broken with no sheets and the others have said they can’t spare any bedding. We can’t afford a hotel after covering the extra for X’s rooms, so thought we’d leave quietly. Hope you have a great hen though and looking forward to celebrating at the wedding!

Alleycat1 · 27/10/2023 06:34

@HazardLights This is perfect!

TolkiensFallow · 27/10/2023 06:40

This is appalling behaviour. You can guarantee the two “one nighters” will also stay to use the facilities all day tomorrow.

I do think you should leave and send the above text to the bride.

UneFoisAuChalet · 27/10/2023 06:45

We went to a hen do last month and we were also on the groom’s side (his friends wives). Without going into details, because frankly it’s boring, we also fully paid, didn’t complain to upset the bride nor her vacuous friends, but we were very much sidelined ie got the short end of the stick.

We should had realised what the weekend would entail as the group chat basically consisted of women nickle and diming. We didn’t know anyone so we kept quiet. When the wedding came along, we didn’t even acknowledge any of the hens. That’s how bad it was.

Note to all MNs. If you do not know the bride’s friends, DO NOT GO TO HER HEN DO. Find any excuse you can to avoid it. It’s for the bride and her friends.

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