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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is this hen do behaviour a bit off?

478 replies

TheMadHattter · 26/10/2023 15:28

I've just arrived at a hen do that has been arranged and booked for months. 2 days ago a couple of the bride's friends said they are only staying for one night now so it will cheaper for them - however as it's an Airbnb the overall cost has not changed so the remaining 6 of us have had to chip in to make up the difference for them pulling out of the second night.

I was already a bit miffed about this and now I've just arrived and the two friends who have done this have claimed a bedroom with double bed and ensuite. They have said me and SIL can have that bedroom tomorrow night once they leave and until then we can sleep on the fold out bed in the lounge. I know usually it's first come first served and we were the last to arrive, but as they've pulled out and made it more expensive for everyone else I think they should be on the fold out bed. I don't particularly want to sleep in their dirty sheets either.

I don't know these friends and I don't want to spoil it for the bride so I've just gone along with it but inside I'm pretty annoyed and just think this is rude behaviour. AIBU?

OP posts:
FerretFarago · 27/10/2023 15:53

OP, I Hope you, DIL and the Bride can get up bright and early tomorrow so you can tidy and pack your stuff, and leave, well before the other hens surface. They need to so clear up their own mess and not leave it for you 3!!

I don’t think you’re going to get any of the excess money you’ve paid back to the MOH (she’s using the event to subsidise her pals at your expense). You certainly don’t want to have to cough up any extra due extra cleaning charges (incurred by this bunch of CFs). The extra Hens who turned up with airbeds should pay their share of any extra charges due to cleaning/damages etc.

BellaTheDarkOverlord · 27/10/2023 15:56

I second stabbing the air mattress!! Puncture the fucker with tweezers whilst everyone is drunk 😂

I’d still look at contacting the owner of the property to share your disappointed of broken sofa, lack of bedding, hens throwing up everywhere and the sheer audacity that there wasn’t enough room for the extra 30 guests who turned up 😉I wonder if MOH has been entirely honest when booking.

squashi · 27/10/2023 15:57

I wouldn't agree to pay extra to cover their drop-out. I probably wouldn't (at this stage) kick off about the room thing, but would chalk it up as a lesson learned for the future.

LookItsMeAgain · 27/10/2023 16:00

If these other people do stay over, then there was absolutely no reason why you would have and should have stumped up the money that these other women have manged to shirk onto you as decent people. (I hope that sentence makes sense).

I think, when the excitement of the hen weekend has become a thing of the past, and based around the way that you describe the bride like a little sister to you, that you should have a word with her about her friends and how they carried on. You'll never know, there might be a fire in her belly about how they treated you and she might be able to make them see the error of their very drunken ways

MarryingMrDarcy · 27/10/2023 16:03

Well done for chucking them out this morning!! I bet that felt great! Also, well done for keeping your cool in the face of such behaviour - you are much more calm and controlled than I could have been in that kind of situation. Sounds like things got chaotic anyway…! Hope you enjoy the rest of the do :-)

Lavender14 · 27/10/2023 16:11

I hate to say it, but between the air mattress and the lack of bedding for the pull out. I'm honestly wondering if they've been honest with the host regarding the number of people staying?

itsgettingweird · 27/10/2023 16:16

ThinWomansBrain · 27/10/2023 15:38

Stab the air mattress
and/or the friends

🤣🤣

Emotionalsupportviper · 27/10/2023 16:35

Mumofoneandone · 27/10/2023 15:21

The damaged sofa bed and lack of bedding needs reporting to Airbnb for a partial refund - as property was not as described. Just make sure you see some of this to make sure you are not further out of pocket!!
Enjoy your proper bed!

The damaged sofa bed and lack of bedding needs reporting to Airbnb for a partial refund - as property was not as described. Just make sure you see some of this

ALL of this!

Plus - anyone sneaking in an airbed should be contributing to the costs - they should be paying for the second night that the CFs haven't stayed (yet - the night is yet young and they may well just hang on in there).

I think you are probably right that they were trying to force you out, then they could have had the room for a further night.

Also, good advice from @ThinWomansBrain

Stab the air mattress
and/or the friends

penpep · 27/10/2023 16:55

Omg you girls are saints and she's lucky to have you. 100% in agreement with sabotaging that air mattress lol!

billy1966 · 27/10/2023 17:00

I too feel sorry for the owner.

What an uncouth bunch.

Others turning up with airbeds, are the dregs.

Hard to believe the bride is so "oblivious".

I definitely would be telling the MOH that you will be contacting the owner directly for a refund, for fun!

nettie434 · 27/10/2023 18:27

Glad that you have got the ensuite room. The disadvantage of leaving after one night is that you would have lost all your money as they never would have refunded you and the so called day guests would just have taken over your room.

I really laughed at the phrase CF convention. @MargotBamborough, you need a special award!🥂👏🏻

Globules · 27/10/2023 18:34

I'm admiring your grace @TheMadHattter

Don't think I would be the person you're being in this situation. Well done you!

Teachertired92 · 27/10/2023 18:57

Put YABU only because (and I might have missed something!) I can’t understand why the bride isn’t in the room with the en suit3?

Thebigblueballoon · 27/10/2023 19:13

ThinWomansBrain · 27/10/2023 15:38

Stab the air mattress
and/or the friends

Omg do this. With a thick pin, so it just quietly hisses throughout the night.

TerfTalking · 27/10/2023 19:16

DD went on a similar chaotic over priced hen do in a country house last year. She called me from her shit room in some cottage in the grounds where she had been dumped with the Mil and grooms sisters. She was thoroughly miserable.

for these reasons her hen do consists of her four best friends from uni, her best friend from school, her friend she met travelling and her closest work friend. No more. She has given the MOH the brief that it needs to be cheap and easily accessible and no trashy dressing up. No one should be put out or inconvenienced, just a lovely couple of days with her nearest and dearest.

Sennelier1 · 27/10/2023 19:38

Can you take some sort of revenge by not letting them have any of the drinks/snacks/other goodies? I know this sounds very childish but hey, they started!

H007 · 27/10/2023 19:41

I’d be having it out with the MOH… the brides friends are horrible.

Milarky · 27/10/2023 19:42

Oh OP, I know it's not great for you but this is a cracking thread that just grabs you. I've been checking all day for updates!

So we need to know

  1. did the one night CF's go home
  2. are the air mattress CF's staying
  3. are you going to ask them to pay.

You and other SIL are indeed gracious and bride is lucky to have you as a "big sister".

Have you text DH any of this?

StanhopeRdSister · 27/10/2023 19:43

It is outrageous the MOH asked you all to subsidise the two who decided to pull out of the full stay. They should have paid the full whack so late in the game.

I'm so done with hen parties. It never ceases to astonish me how many of these are organised by people who just don't think about the practicalities. Or how nasty other women can be to one another.

I had a miserable time at one a few years ago where the MOH told us all that one of the bride's friends would put us up in her apparently massive house for the night of the hen and that there would be enough beds for everyone. I wish I'd pushed her more on this point a bit as I discovered that my bed for the night was going to be the host's toddler's bed. I was shunned the rest of the weekend for objecting to sleeping there. We were a group of women in our 40s by the way. I'd have stayed in a hotel if I'd known or driven myself home.

PandaChopChop · 27/10/2023 19:47

Hope you are safely ensconced in your room OP!! Cheeky fucker convention indeed!

agonyau · 27/10/2023 20:11

I think it’s completely out of order for them to expect a reduced rate & yet demand main bedroom. It’s probably too late to undo situation without causing complete fall out with these 2 cretins, which would impact on atmosphere for whole party & spoil things for bride, so I think you are doing the decent thing by sucking it up.
This reminds me of one similar ‘girly’ trip I went on years ago when I ended up with crap sleeping arrangements because of selfishness of others, and having to compromise on basic choices on where to go/what to eat - the tiresome conversations about which drove me doolally! Thankfully, apart from a very enjoyable weekend birthday trip to Paris with just 2 friends, I have got to an age when those sort of girly trips aren’t suggested anymore, and if they were I’d just say no thanks, I like my own space 😊

Goldfishonabike · 27/10/2023 20:28

“Girls trip” shudder. Imo the general horror of hen do’s is just yet another side-effects of the toxicity of the patriarchal structure called “marriage” and “weddings”. Once that whole shebang is on, all common sense and ideas of gender equality seems to go out the window and narrow definitions of gender and ridiculously old fashioned customs are accepted by otherwise equal and sensible people. And I say that as someone who had a big fat wedding in Eastern Europe in an Orthodox Church in a hand made designer drram
if a wedding gown with guest flown in from all over. Still love DH, still remember how exhausted, stressed out and nauseous I felt that whole day and how ridiculous in a white dress with its old fashioned idea of “virginity”, lord knows I wasn’t one lol! My whole point being it’s the same w hen do’s they are ridiculous as a concept and therefore bound to go wrong most the time, because suddenly dividing your friendships by gender and expecting friends and family of the same gender to somehow just get on, while doing something as generally stressful as planning an event AND co-managing costs, is just woefully naive. All that to say that although these particular ladies seem to have been very badly behaved, hen do’s as a concept are also to blame, never go on another on if I was you lol!

JST88 · 27/10/2023 21:00

Absolute tight arse ignorant fuckers. You can say something without causing a big scene. ‘Oh yay so I pay extra for your dirty sheets’ that’s what I’d have said

Fionaville · 27/10/2023 21:06

There is something about hen do's and bringing a group of women together, many of whom don't know each other but are expected to become 'besties' for the weekend, that brings out the worst in people. The more expensive it is, the more entitled the behaviour becomes. They are cheeky cows, YANBU. Try to enjoy it.

Toomanyemails · 27/10/2023 21:07

TheMadHattter · 27/10/2023 15:17

So to update.

A very cold, uncomfortable night sleep on a L-shape sofa (pop up bit to make it a bed is completely broken) and no curtains. To make it worse, bride's sister stumbles in to the lounge (where we are) and passes out on the rug and proceeds to fart and snore for the rest of the night. I guess one of us could of gone and got into bed with the bride (to take sister's spot) but by this point there had been a lot of crying and throwing up going on in the bedrooms so we didn't fancy exploring.

On a positive note, we politely asked the two original friends to vacate the bedroom at 10am which they grumpily did (we had to wake them up). They went back to sleep in another room so we've packed and moved there stuff into the hall, all bedding is in a wash and we've opened window to air out alcohol smell and cleaned ensuite (which was disgusting) but feeling pretty good about having a room tonight.

We did have a really fun time out last night (kept to ourselves and bride as much as possible). We've decided not to leave as we have a room tonight, we're the brides lift home and kind of feel like that's what the friends want us to do (i.e to make us leave).

To answer a few questions; the bride is lovely and I think she is oblivious. The vibe is quite chaotic so I can see how she might not know to what extent things have happened. I'm married to brother of groom and bride has been part of the family for 12 years and since she was 16 so feels like a little sister to me (I'm 6 years older). I am shocked though at how nasty her friends are, can't wait to debrief with DH.

On a side note, the additional friends have rocked up and I definitely saw an air mattress being carried in! So cheeky

Is it worth complaining to the accommodation about the broken pop up bed? Would be complicated as you weren't the one who made the booking but I'd probably do this, maybe raise it politely in the group chat or directly with whoever booked after the hen do, and offer to write the email/make the phonecall.