Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is this hen do behaviour a bit off?

478 replies

TheMadHattter · 26/10/2023 15:28

I've just arrived at a hen do that has been arranged and booked for months. 2 days ago a couple of the bride's friends said they are only staying for one night now so it will cheaper for them - however as it's an Airbnb the overall cost has not changed so the remaining 6 of us have had to chip in to make up the difference for them pulling out of the second night.

I was already a bit miffed about this and now I've just arrived and the two friends who have done this have claimed a bedroom with double bed and ensuite. They have said me and SIL can have that bedroom tomorrow night once they leave and until then we can sleep on the fold out bed in the lounge. I know usually it's first come first served and we were the last to arrive, but as they've pulled out and made it more expensive for everyone else I think they should be on the fold out bed. I don't particularly want to sleep in their dirty sheets either.

I don't know these friends and I don't want to spoil it for the bride so I've just gone along with it but inside I'm pretty annoyed and just think this is rude behaviour. AIBU?

OP posts:
CoraPirbright · 27/10/2023 14:16

I would have gone home last night when the broken bed/no linen/refusal to share linen happened.

How on earth did you get a nights sleep OP?

These people are awful.

HaveSomeIntrospect · 27/10/2023 14:22

I hope you have gone home today. They are all piss takers.

Thebigblueballoon · 27/10/2023 14:24

Please come back OP… …

JudgeJ · 27/10/2023 14:38

Drfosters · 27/10/2023 13:33

Why do people never want to tell the bride in these situations? I would absolutely have wanted to have known what was going on and would have felt dreadful afterwards if I’d found out that this had happened. It might have been my wedding but I would still have sorted it out.

I'm sure that the bride is aware of the poor atmosphere created by some of her friends bullying the OP.

theleafandnotthetree · 27/10/2023 14:40

Drfosters · 27/10/2023 13:33

Why do people never want to tell the bride in these situations? I would absolutely have wanted to have known what was going on and would have felt dreadful afterwards if I’d found out that this had happened. It might have been my wedding but I would still have sorted it out.

Well exactly, I'd be both cross and mortified if I knew fuckwittery on this scale was happening during an event that was essentially my doing and nobody told me. Brides to be are not children or dolls, they are presumably mature women who deserve to be kept in the loop if this kind of shit is going down and if possible, to play a part in coming to a fair resolution. Or at least realising what a pack of pricks some of their friends are being and telling them so....

FrenchandSaunders · 27/10/2023 14:53

Where are you OP! I need to know what's happening today, an update with the CFs, and the newly arrived CFs ..... I also need to get a life.

OVienna · 27/10/2023 15:03

TheMadHattter · 26/10/2023 23:37

Update.

We decided to wait and see if there would be a quiet moment where we could ask to swap but the two friends have got really hammered now. Seems like any request could easily end in a scene.

SIL and I decided to set up the fold out bed before going out so at least we'd have somewhere to sleep. Turns out it's broken and also has no bedding to go with it. We asked all the girls apart from bride if they could share some bedding with us and all said no. So we have no pillows, sheets or duvets. Luckily I have a blanket in the car but these girls just seem so cold and selfish.

We've also found out that 4 more bride friends will be joining the Airbnb tomorrow just for the day as they didn't want to pay for accommodation but happy to hang here all day and use facilities (e.g pool, hot tub).

Lastly, bride's sister has brought a load of booze (no prior discussion) that's she's trying to charge us for. We've brought our own as MOH told us this was the plan so we politely declined and it went down really badly.

At this point I'm just going to try to enjoy the night with bride and SIL and will be avoiding bride's friends at the wedding.

Poor you! This could well win some sort of Mumsnet prize for the worst Hen Party ever.

I acquired a 'reputation' following a hen weekend abroad when I was forced to stick up for myself and a friend regarding the situation with accommodation when we arrived. Another example of not enough beds for everyone who had accepted. I realise it's a nightmare to organise these things but LET PEOPLE KNOW what the situation is, especially if they're flying in!

Merrymouse · 27/10/2023 15:06

theleafandnotthetree · 27/10/2023 14:40

Well exactly, I'd be both cross and mortified if I knew fuckwittery on this scale was happening during an event that was essentially my doing and nobody told me. Brides to be are not children or dolls, they are presumably mature women who deserve to be kept in the loop if this kind of shit is going down and if possible, to play a part in coming to a fair resolution. Or at least realising what a pack of pricks some of their friends are being and telling them so....

Show quote history

Yes, because apart from anything else the SIL is going to be part of the bride’s life for decades, whereas some of the CFs…

OVienna · 27/10/2023 15:07

PrincessFiorimonde · 27/10/2023 12:09

Oh dear OP. You're not on a hen do, you're at a cheeky fucker convention.

Agreed!

OP, hope you and SIL managed to sort something out last night, whether bunking in with someone else or getting the MOH to contact the host and insist on them providing a solution. And I know you didn't want to upset the bride, but, assuming the fold-out bed is in a communal area, surely she noticed it was broken and there was no bedding for it?

This made me LOLLLL.

Original poster
TheMadHattter · 27/10/2023 15:17

So to update.

A very cold, uncomfortable night sleep on a L-shape sofa (pop up bit to make it a bed is completely broken) and no curtains. To make it worse, bride's sister stumbles in to the lounge (where we are) and passes out on the rug and proceeds to fart and snore for the rest of the night. I guess one of us could of gone and got into bed with the bride (to take sister's spot) but by this point there had been a lot of crying and throwing up going on in the bedrooms so we didn't fancy exploring.

On a positive note, we politely asked the two original friends to vacate the bedroom at 10am which they grumpily did (we had to wake them up). They went back to sleep in another room so we've packed and moved there stuff into the hall, all bedding is in a wash and we've opened window to air out alcohol smell and cleaned ensuite (which was disgusting) but feeling pretty good about having a room tonight.

We did have a really fun time out last night (kept to ourselves and bride as much as possible). We've decided not to leave as we have a room tonight, we're the brides lift home and kind of feel like that's what the friends want us to do (i.e to make us leave).

To answer a few questions; the bride is lovely and I think she is oblivious. The vibe is quite chaotic so I can see how she might not know to what extent things have happened. I'm married to brother of groom and bride has been part of the family for 12 years and since she was 16 so feels like a little sister to me (I'm 6 years older). I am shocked though at how nasty her friends are, can't wait to debrief with DH.

On a side note, the additional friends have rocked up and I definitely saw an air mattress being carried in! So cheeky

OP posts:
Mumofoneandone · 27/10/2023 15:21

The damaged sofa bed and lack of bedding needs reporting to Airbnb for a partial refund - as property was not as described. Just make sure you see some of this to make sure you are not further out of pocket!!
Enjoy your proper bed!

LumiB · 27/10/2023 15:24

Glad to hear you have a bed for tonight and you were assertive this morning. Understandable given your relationship to the Bride and no-one wants to spoil the bride's event. Have a good time today!

JFT · 27/10/2023 15:26

@TheMadHattter

So sorry you had such an awful night's sleep (if any sleep).

I'm so glad you've staked the claim on the bedroom, I hope it has a lock on the door.

You really are at a CF convention! Jeez. I feel sorry for the owner of Airbnb also.

Since you've decided to stay then best take it all in your stride and remember to put checks in place in order to never repeat anything like this experience.

RampantIvy · 27/10/2023 15:26

Great update. It sounds like this has been the best you could have hoped for. I hope the bride wasn't crying. Are these horrible people really her friends or are they really the MOH's friends?

WoollyRosebud · 27/10/2023 15:31

Make sure you do get that bedroom tonight OP. wouldn't put it past a 'Cuckoo' to move in tonight and take over your nice room and en suite. Don't have too much to drink and keep your wits about you for further instances of cheeky fuckery

OVienna · 27/10/2023 15:31

@TheMadHattter is it a case where you'd never met the friends before or they'd had a bit of a personality transformation? These group holiday situations can really bring out the worst in people, hen or not.

MargotMoon · 27/10/2023 15:32

Wow, there's some top level brass neck going on there!

Well done for keeping your cool and not escalating things to protect the bride, and for staking your claim to the bedroom after that horrible night on the sofa! 👏

Sisterpita · 27/10/2023 15:33

I would be politely pointing out to the MOH if the day guests stay over you are expecting them to pay a proportion of the cost of accommodation.

MrsJPinkman · 27/10/2023 15:36

Sisterpita · 27/10/2023 15:33

I would be politely pointing out to the MOH if the day guests stay over you are expecting them to pay a proportion of the cost of accommodation.

100 per cent this! 👍🏻

MrsJPinkman · 27/10/2023 15:37

Sounds like MOH is picking and choosing who she's asking money from.

ThinWomansBrain · 27/10/2023 15:38

Stab the air mattress
and/or the friends

MargotBamborough · 27/10/2023 15:38

Sisterpita · 27/10/2023 15:33

I would be politely pointing out to the MOH if the day guests stay over you are expecting them to pay a proportion of the cost of accommodation.

Hey, MoH!

Good news! These extra guests can now pay the extra money that we had to find after CF1 and CF2 decided to only stay one night.

Where's the nearest cash point? Since we're all here together it will be easier for them to get cash out and sort it out before we leave.

dapsnotplimsolls · 27/10/2023 15:39

ThinWomansBrain · 27/10/2023 15:38

Stab the air mattress
and/or the friends

😂

FrogFighter · 27/10/2023 15:47

TheMadHattter · 27/10/2023 15:17

So to update.

A very cold, uncomfortable night sleep on a L-shape sofa (pop up bit to make it a bed is completely broken) and no curtains. To make it worse, bride's sister stumbles in to the lounge (where we are) and passes out on the rug and proceeds to fart and snore for the rest of the night. I guess one of us could of gone and got into bed with the bride (to take sister's spot) but by this point there had been a lot of crying and throwing up going on in the bedrooms so we didn't fancy exploring.

On a positive note, we politely asked the two original friends to vacate the bedroom at 10am which they grumpily did (we had to wake them up). They went back to sleep in another room so we've packed and moved there stuff into the hall, all bedding is in a wash and we've opened window to air out alcohol smell and cleaned ensuite (which was disgusting) but feeling pretty good about having a room tonight.

We did have a really fun time out last night (kept to ourselves and bride as much as possible). We've decided not to leave as we have a room tonight, we're the brides lift home and kind of feel like that's what the friends want us to do (i.e to make us leave).

To answer a few questions; the bride is lovely and I think she is oblivious. The vibe is quite chaotic so I can see how she might not know to what extent things have happened. I'm married to brother of groom and bride has been part of the family for 12 years and since she was 16 so feels like a little sister to me (I'm 6 years older). I am shocked though at how nasty her friends are, can't wait to debrief with DH.

On a side note, the additional friends have rocked up and I definitely saw an air mattress being carried in! So cheeky

Maaate. You are the nicest person ever!

I think by now I'd be so pissed off with it all that I'd be falling out with everyone.

To be fair, the mates sound quite disorderly and young, and not capable of making any sane or measured decisions about anything. All that drinking is making them self centred obviously.

So glad you managed to have a good time despite everything.

She'd so lucky to have you as a future extended family member. I hope she knows it.

I hope you have a good time at the wedding too.

CosimoPiovasco · 27/10/2023 15:47

All hail to your perseverance
Brides very lucky to have a couple of good friends.

Swipe left for the next trending thread