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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is this hen do behaviour a bit off?

478 replies

TheMadHattter · 26/10/2023 15:28

I've just arrived at a hen do that has been arranged and booked for months. 2 days ago a couple of the bride's friends said they are only staying for one night now so it will cheaper for them - however as it's an Airbnb the overall cost has not changed so the remaining 6 of us have had to chip in to make up the difference for them pulling out of the second night.

I was already a bit miffed about this and now I've just arrived and the two friends who have done this have claimed a bedroom with double bed and ensuite. They have said me and SIL can have that bedroom tomorrow night once they leave and until then we can sleep on the fold out bed in the lounge. I know usually it's first come first served and we were the last to arrive, but as they've pulled out and made it more expensive for everyone else I think they should be on the fold out bed. I don't particularly want to sleep in their dirty sheets either.

I don't know these friends and I don't want to spoil it for the bride so I've just gone along with it but inside I'm pretty annoyed and just think this is rude behaviour. AIBU?

OP posts:
MargotBamborough · 27/10/2023 11:46

LumiB · 27/10/2023 11:45

Oh doh I didn't read the OP post - she has already paid the additional amount. I would just now suck it up as the moment has passed. No wedding gift or spending any other money on the wedding then.

Given that the OP and her SIL agreed to cover the bride's extra share too because she's strapped for cash and has anxiety, and it's her shitty friends who have done this rather than her personally, I doubt withholding a wedding gift is going to be something the OP wants to do.

Sconehenge · 27/10/2023 11:50

This is so awful! I’m so sorry you’re staying with such rude people. It’s MOH and Bride’s duty to make sure all the guests are comfortable. If I was the bride I would have insisted that the 1 nighters stay on sofa bed and I would have called a group huddle to make everyone either donate some bedding or call the host to get more delivered. I get that you don’t want to spoil things for the bride but I think she’s really letting you down. She’s the only one who knows everyone and she is also the bride so is essentially the CEO/chairman of the day and can boss everyone around to make you all comfortable. I would just stay the one night and leave in morning tbh, you’ve been let down terribly.

I organised a lot of group trips in my time and always make sure there are enough beds for the group, if one room is a sofa bed I make it really clear to the person allocated that room what the arrangements are and confirm they’re happy before they’re booked in.

I once went to a hens party and unexpectedly had to share a small double bed with someone I had never met before, was fucking awful so would never do that to others - we are adults not 8!

Cosyblankets · 27/10/2023 11:54

FatherJackHackettsUnderpantsHamper · 27/10/2023 11:38

I'd be tempted to suspect the Host has tried to reduce costs by not adding in the right number of guests. So paying for (eg) 12 but the property sleeps 14 so they can save money. Which means the property was only supplied with linens for 12.

Does it work that way? Everywhere we've stayed charges you for the accommodation and doesn't give you any discount if there are (or claimed to be) fewer people than it could hold.

I think the issue here is the sofa bed. I imagine if you want to use it you need to tell them so they provide bedding.
Looks like moh didn't sort that bit so they've not paid for bedding for it. Other beds will be made up

JudgeJ · 27/10/2023 11:54

I think the only way is for you and SIL to leave tomorrow. Family emergency.

Why do people always advise lying? Leave telling them how selfish and unpleasant they are and how they have ruined the weekend.

LumiB · 27/10/2023 11:56

MargotBamborough · 27/10/2023 11:46

Given that the OP and her SIL agreed to cover the bride's extra share too because she's strapped for cash and has anxiety, and it's her shitty friends who have done this rather than her personally, I doubt withholding a wedding gift is going to be something the OP wants to do.

Show quote history

No but I always have a budget I can spend on weddings, if the hen do takes me over it then I can't afford a present. Simple as that. I am not going to be fork out more money that I need to spend elsewhere.

JudgeJ · 27/10/2023 11:59

MargotBamborough · 27/10/2023 09:30

Being nice is overrated.

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All too often the twee 'be nice' is another way of saying 'be a doormat'.

MargotBamborough · 27/10/2023 12:06

LumiB · 27/10/2023 11:56

No but I always have a budget I can spend on weddings, if the hen do takes me over it then I can't afford a present. Simple as that. I am not going to be fork out more money that I need to spend elsewhere.

Show quote history

The thing is though, the extra amount is probably quite small divided by the remaining hens. It's a small proportion of the total accommodation cost per hen, so unless this Airbnb is ludicrously expensive, this last minute request for more money probably hasn't significantly changed the overall cost of the hen do for the OP or her SIL or wiped out their budget for the rest of the wedding.

It's just that when they agreed to pay the original amount - let alone the extra amount - they quite reasonably expected it to include a bed and bedding. And if there weren't enough beds or bedding to go round, the people having a cold and uncomfortable night on the broken sofa bed should have been either the two who had decided to only pay for one night, or the MoH who booked unsuitable accommodation.

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 27/10/2023 12:08

FatherJackHackettsUnderpantsHamper · 27/10/2023 11:45

Slightly off-topic, but I never understand the thing about Air BnBs or holiday accommodation being allowed to boost their claimed occupancy numbers by including sofas/sofa beds/pull-out mattresses etc.

To my mind, a sofa bed is what you might have in your own home for when somebody stays over for a night or two as a 'that'll do' solution when no money is changing hands.

Why would you deliberately book accommodation for a certain number of people but then choose somewhere too small, so that a few people who draw the short straw just have to make do without a bed - even though they've paid for the accommodation as well?

I think it makes it cheaper than getting somewhere with more bedrooms and can work for families if the parents use the sofa bed.

PrincessFiorimonde · 27/10/2023 12:09

Oh dear OP. You're not on a hen do, you're at a cheeky fucker convention.

Agreed!

OP, hope you and SIL managed to sort something out last night, whether bunking in with someone else or getting the MOH to contact the host and insist on them providing a solution. And I know you didn't want to upset the bride, but, assuming the fold-out bed is in a communal area, surely she noticed it was broken and there was no bedding for it?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 27/10/2023 12:11

They all sounds horrible!

@TheMadHattter please update and let us know how it went!

MeridianB · 27/10/2023 12:12

Another vote for some scamming by all, with MOH either coerced or part of it.

Also agree about leaving this morning, asking for refund and contacting AirB&B.

This thread deserves a place in Classics…

TiredandWornoutFTM · 27/10/2023 12:13

You have to wonder what the bride is like if these are her friends?! I would be having a quiet word with the Groom...perhaps this may be his get out of jail free card!

Princesspeach31 · 27/10/2023 12:17

Oh this has made me so angry on your behalf! I really really hope that you either say something to the CFers or get your revenge in some other way.

WoollyRosebud · 27/10/2023 12:21

A bucket of cold water emptied over the CFs in bed this morning before you left would have been in order. Who cares if it causes a scene and they throw themselves around and scream. You’ve been treated appallingly and they deserve it. Also agree with previous poster, empty all their booze down the sink

wheretonow123 · 27/10/2023 12:27

That is very annoying.

Can you ask for your money back from the Air B&B owners? Send them photos of the broken bed - it's not fit for purpose.

icantchangetime · 27/10/2023 12:31

wheretonow123 · 27/10/2023 12:27

That is very annoying.

Can you ask for your money back from the Air B&B owners? Send them photos of the broken bed - it's not fit for purpose.

They didn't book it so how could they ask for a refund? They have no contractual relationship

Pluviophile1 · 27/10/2023 12:37

This.

Pluviophile1 · 27/10/2023 12:39

.

MargotBamborough · 27/10/2023 12:43

icantchangetime · 27/10/2023 12:31

They didn't book it so how could they ask for a refund? They have no contractual relationship

Show quote history

Perhaps not, but OP could email the Airbnb with photos of her own and say,

"I have just attended a hen party at your property. There were eight guests staying overnight and not enough beds. The pull-out sofa bed is broken and no bedding was provided. There were also not enough chairs for all the non-overnight guests to sit on the next day."

That way if the MoH has pulled a fast one by lying about the number of guests or booking a hen party in a property where no hen parties are allowed, the Airbnb owner might charge the MoH's card extra.

Movinghouseatlast · 27/10/2023 12:56

MargotBamborough · 27/10/2023 12:43

Perhaps not, but OP could email the Airbnb with photos of her own and say,

"I have just attended a hen party at your property. There were eight guests staying overnight and not enough beds. The pull-out sofa bed is broken and no bedding was provided. There were also not enough chairs for all the non-overnight guests to sit on the next day."

That way if the MoH has pulled a fast one by lying about the number of guests or booking a hen party in a property where no hen parties are allowed, the Airbnb owner might charge the MoH's card extra.

Edited
Show quote history

Air BnB owners have no control over charging extra, they don't have the card details.

Owners can try to put in a claim via Air BnB for extra guests/ extra cleaning/damage but they need proof.

MargotBamborough · 27/10/2023 12:58

Movinghouseatlast · 27/10/2023 12:56

Air BnB owners have no control over charging extra, they don't have the card details.

Owners can try to put in a claim via Air BnB for extra guests/ extra cleaning/damage but they need proof.

Show quote history

What I'm saying is the OP could provide them with that proof.

Castlerock44 · 27/10/2023 12:58

I'm just glad I don't go on hen do's. Couldn't cope with the stress. 😳😂

alongcameboo · 27/10/2023 13:16

Fuck me. CF's like this astound me. But they'll always be CF because no-one challenges them.

Too late to do anything now though isn't it. 🙄Unless you fancy accidentally dumping a glass of red wine over them when you come across them at the wedding...

RampantIvy · 27/10/2023 13:22

I would love to be invited to a CF hen do just so that I could challenge unreasonable requests Grin

All the hen dos I have been to have either been an evening out or an afternoon tea. No expensive trips abroad or sharing a house or being made to share a bed with a random stranger.

Drfosters · 27/10/2023 13:33

Why do people never want to tell the bride in these situations? I would absolutely have wanted to have known what was going on and would have felt dreadful afterwards if I’d found out that this had happened. It might have been my wedding but I would still have sorted it out.