To not pay for her ticket or any part of it?

[HalfTermDayOut]

Half term next week. Going to an attraction with my DD (aged 9) and my mum.

I get DLA for DD, so my ticket is free as a carers ticket (and I always spend in the gift shop/experiences while there to make up for it).

Mum invited herself to come along, so I said she’d have to pay for her own ticket.

She’s saying no, either she gets in on the carers ticket and I pay for my ticket or we split the cost of 1 adult ticket equally between us so it’s cost us both the same.

I don’t care if she comes or not, DD is not bothered if she’s there or not. She wants to come because she has serious FOMO and won’t miss out on something.

So WIBU? Me or mum?

Vote:
YANBU - Don't pay any part of her ticket
YABU - Split it or let her in for free and pay for yourself

Also, often the free carer ticket just brings the total down to what bigger families get as a family ticket (because you can’t use both discounts) so it doesn’t actually make entrance cheaper than most other visitors.

Also, free cares tickets are not a free for all to take the piss- you have to produce paper work proving a high level of need (I use a wheelchair but I still have to have paperwork, nowhere takes it as read that I’m the right sort of disabled).

Also it is only one carer ticket- so my son and I are both entitled to a carer (in every attraction we have been to anyway) but I can’t go in as my sons carer and my wife as mine for example, it has to be one or the other.

I don’t have any issue with this- I’m just making the point it isn’t a free for all with carers taking the piss- it’s a bloody long slog to get the benefits in place to mean you can get a carers ticket, and then you have to share the details of your health and benefit situation with whatever staff is on.

Able bodied people just go in without making sure they have all the equipment they need, the correct paperwork and finding the accessible entrance!

My mother would do the same and then throw it in my face the whole time.

If she pays for her own ticket is she gonna whinge all day? Because if that's the case I'd tell her you're not going now and just go anyway without her.

People who have a good relationship with their mum are never gonna get it but there are many of us who do. I would personally just make sure she doesn't go at all.

Ableism
Emotional blackmail
Total ignorance/lack of appreciation that someone may have a different level of income/lifestyle/family dynamic as your own

This is quite possibly the most depressing thread I've ever read on MN.

IMO it should be a specific offence to try to coerce someone into giving you their benefits.

I can’t believe she’s even asking, the sense of entitlement is insane! Does she even understand the reasons for a free carer’s ticket, or is she as clueless as some of the posters on this thread? Because it seems as if she’s asking to share your “free ticket” like you got it in a competition or whatever. If I had won a free ticket in those circumstances, I might be happy to go splits with my mum who would otherwise pay full price. But to ask you to pay for your own ticket and let her have the free one, sorry but not unless she was signing up to look after your DD just as much as you!

@Wonkasworld Do you understand that the taxpayer isn't paying for carers tickets? Do you understand that it's a commercial decision by the attraction provider?

Do you understand that people who require carers to assist them would otherwise not be able to access huge amounts of day to day life?

Yes! And this offence could also be used in cases of "cuckooing" by drug dealers, as squatting in someone's house is coercing them into handing over the fruits of their Housing Benefit.

I'm shocked that you get £35 free, for an attraction. Something that is not a necessity.

Yes. These pesky disabled people and their carers trying to enjoy something that everyone else does! And the cost being less of a barrier! How dare we!

I think the tax payer cares.

Only a tax payer who’s a complete obnoxious twat would care and begrudge making the lives of disabled people and their carers that tiny little bit easier. Is that tax payer you?

How do you feel about DLA and PIP in general? Do you think it should just be spent on the very basic necessities?

Mumsnet is rife with ableism.

It is, shockingly so. I took a break from Mumsnet for a long while, during this time both my children were diagnosed with autism. Since I’ve come back the things I’ve read, the level of astonishing ignorance for those living with disabilities and people who are carers is jaw dropping at times. There really does seem like those with disabilities should be hidden away and their carers get ‘too much’ in help (especially monetary help, is utterly laughable, yet they’re also disgusted when a familial carer say they can’t work).

I would love to have my mum accompanying me. She would probably insist on paying for the pleasure of being with us. I would insist on paying for her for same reason. I loved my mum dearly.

Good for you. What’s your point?

This reads like a child’s diary entry.

If she invited herself, then she should pay for herself. Different if you invited her tho. Why should she get the free carer's ticket when it's your daughter and you are her carer?

You OP and all other carers, whether parents or not, are so entitled to any scrap of help and shred of happiness for yourself and your DC.

I care for an adult with a hidden disability - they look normal and these days just walk with a cane. But what you don't see, is about every five steps they need to sit down and / or take a puff on their inhaler. It's going to get worse, no way round it, to where oxygen and a wheelchair will be needed. But until then she's determined to do as much as possible, of course everything takes forever and journeys are calculated with sitting and toilet opportunities in mind.

My job as carer includes wrangling a seat from selfish people sitting in the disabled area who clearly don't belong and have to be asked to give it up. Before you say ironic, talking about hidden disabilities, I mean people chatting to their friends about going out clubbing or other activities not compatible with the disabled facilities. Often they stare blankly and pretend they haven't heard.

I'm very grateful for a free carer's ticket - I don't get to enjoy the attraction as I'm constantly monitoring her well-being and making sure I can get her to the toilet or a rest area as needed. It's nervewracking, the best part about going out with her is getting safely home again.

Please don't begrudge me the 'free' ticket.

Pretty straight forward.

“mum you’re welcome to come but you’ll need to cover the cost of your own ticket if you would like too.”

No no no, she wasn’t invited so if she wishes to come then she will need to pay for her entire ticket. The cheek of it. I would say that your daughter and your tickets have been issued in your name and she will need her separate ticket paid for by herself. Some people never cease to amaze me. If a single mum with daughter isn’t hard enough managing a day out you don’t need stress of this as well. Please keep us all updated x

100% agree. TBH I am outright disgusted at some of the statements on this thread - and on a site that is supposed to be all about supporting each other as parents!

Those who post these have the same mentality as the OP's mother - that the carer's concession is just a 'perk' that she should be entitled to.

'I'm shocked that you get £35 free, for an attraction. Something that is not a necessity.'

18 pages in, despite the reasoning behind disability concessions being exhaustively explained, and we are still reading posts like this. Because of course, disabled people should just stay home and quiet and bored, and their family carers should just struggle in silence (and penury). How dare they go to public places and cost the taxpayer more money? The effrontery of their wanting family days out like everyone else!

I honestly despair of the ableism on here, I don't feel it bodes well for my DS future.

whoops wrong post, i've reported to have it removed

It's nice to read you have a parent who would do anything to spend time with you but unfortunately there are a lot of shit parents out there who take the piss. You are very lucky.

Op should not have to pay for her mother. The trip out is for her disabled daughter. Did you miss that part somehow???

It’s easy to be generous with money if you have the privilege of not having to worry about £17.50

I’d be able to cover it but know plenty of people who couldn’t. It doesn’t make them tight.
if OP can’t work and only get’s carers then I don’t blame her for being a “tightarse”

As half term is probably over (by today anyway), I was wondering what you ended up doing @HalfTermDayOut ?

@LookItsMeAgain We decided to go somewhere else and mum didn't come as I didn't tell her. Told her we'd cancelled the out altogether.