To not pay for her ticket or any part of it?

[HalfTermDayOut]

Half term next week. Going to an attraction with my DD (aged 9) and my mum.

I get DLA for DD, so my ticket is free as a carers ticket (and I always spend in the gift shop/experiences while there to make up for it).

Mum invited herself to come along, so I said she’d have to pay for her own ticket.

She’s saying no, either she gets in on the carers ticket and I pay for my ticket or we split the cost of 1 adult ticket equally between us so it’s cost us both the same.

I don’t care if she comes or not, DD is not bothered if she’s there or not. She wants to come because she has serious FOMO and won’t miss out on something.

So WIBU? Me or mum?

Vote:
YANBU - Don't pay any part of her ticket
YABU - Split it or let her in for free and pay for yourself

I'm sorry you can't have this type of program in the UK. In Australia since NDIS was established, disabled adults can access all types of shows with a carer for very little out of pocket money. I have a very good friend with a severely intellectual disabled daughter in her 20s, and every Friday or Saturday, she has a show, a concert or a special outing to go to. The carer is paid by the NDIS, her carer ticket is paid by the company and the daughter's ticket is paid by my friend but is heavily subsidised. Rarely more than 20 dollars for tickets costing 5 times if purchased by anyone else.

I hope the UK will establish something in the future like the NDIS in Australia.

💐

My mum and I would be more likely to argue over who was paying it, I’d buy her a ticket, she’d give me money and I’d refuse and we’d probs fight over that. I can’t fathom insisting someone pay for my experience, your mum sounds mad

As a disabled person who gets a carer in free to some places I always split the cost evenly between the group. I personally think it’s a bit mean to make someone pay full price when the overall cost is lowered.

The exception that is if it were two families going (my family and a friends family) and we were each paying for our own families. Then the cost would be only split between members of my family.

I think that a relationship where someone invites themselves on someone else’s day trip and then demands all or half of their discount, probably has some sort of backstory attached!

If we go to an attraction with friends/family my child can't access most of the facilities, I pay for him to attend and get a free carer's pass for me, why should I split the costs of tickets for those who can access everything provided? I am the person who provides his care, if he pulls his tube out I will be replacing it, if he has a seizure needing rescue medication it's me that gives his meds then leaves as it usually sends him into respiratory distress, I'm the person that deals with his feeds when we're out in a group, I change his pad (usually on the floor somewhere as few places have truly accessible toilet facilities). Why is it mean not to share my free ticket? His entrance fee covers the cost of him being pretty excluded from most of the activities anyway. We went to a new attraction near us the other day, out of all the play equipment there there was one nest swing he could use, none of the slides/climbing frames/sandpits etc were accessible to him yet he paid the same entrance fee as any other child of his age.

Just wait until you find out that my DH gets a free carer’s ticket worth £370 odd to accompany me to a festival every year…

I think the situation you’ve described is different to the one that OP is describing. It doesn’t sound like it’s a place where rides are involved more like a zoo or something. Mum is likely going to be wandering around with them and experiencing much the same as them and therefore she isn’t getting more out of the trip. In the situation you describe I may be less likely to split the cost but not from what OP has said.
Now later OP says she can’t afford to pay the split cost - that changes things again and I would hope saying to her mum “I can’t afford to go if we do that” would alter the mums stance.

I'm a carer - she wants the free carer's ticket - she does the caring - deal!

I'm guessing this won't bloody happen.

No - she invited herself. She pays.

You go with your daughter and enjoy yourselves.

Even at a zoo type place as a carer I can’t relax and fully enjoy it. Like many I still have to be on constant standby for issues which are likely to arise. It’s like being in constant state of fight or flight really.

i need to be ready to sort the feeding pump, or give the emergency injection, or sort the meltdown etc etc with a seconds notice.

Likewise with zoos and museums lots of the barriers are not child wheelchair friendly, put yourself at the eyeline of a child in a wheelchair and you'll start to understand just how unequal places like zoos and museums can be too.

Very true.

and then add in other members of the public. I have to leave Ds far enough back from the windows etc that he can’t kick the glass (for obvious reasons) but yet people still push their way to stand in front of him so they can see!

I have been that child. I get that it’s not equal however that isn’t why we get a carer in free.

You sound like a real charmer

I think it’s more for the fact that my SEN is 2:1 in the community and therefore you’d always 2 carers with him for him to go out. You generally have the prove disability.

Totally get your point. That said, my son requires two people for a lengthy day out, which would be not typical for a 7-year-old.

In addition, we’re not there having a particularly fun time. It’s stressful and challenging and we’re doing it to ensure our disabled son can live his best life. So yeah, no guilt about a carer pass here. I would give anything to take him solo and not be in a permanent state of anxiety, unable to cope, dragging around a huge SEN buggy etc.

Why weird? She has DLA so her child will have severe disabilities. She says she can’t work because of caring for her child. Many attractions generously give the one carer free access to something so that they can access what many others take for granted, and recognise the stress carers live with. Whatever happened to empathy?

As a full time carer to my 2 disabled children I’m unable to work (believe me I’ve tried). A free carers ticket is the difference between my children getting a day out or not. I’m glad you find it weird because that means you’ve probably never experienced the utter relentless hardship of being a full time unpaid carer and I hope you never do.

Wonkasworld - do you think that disabled children only deserve necessities? Free carers are something that goes a little way in making up for the difficulties that disabled parents face, that others do not. For example - childcare is expensive, but both parents working, can still increase family income. Often for disabled children, there is NO childcare available that will meet their needs. Disabled children typically need more time off school with medical appointments or illness, meaning one parent can't hold down a job. Disabled children often can't use public transport and a parent might still need to pick them up and stay with them from as soon as school ends (making finding work hard), whereas a non-disabled child would walk home with a friend. Costs are often higher too - medical equipment, extra washing, special food, the list goes on...!

Why does she want to come? I would say, if you haven't invited her she pays and even if you have invited her, it would be fine for her to pay. I will often invite friends or family to accompany me and my kid on fun trips and they will pay. The only reason I would pay is, sometimes as I don't drive, friends will pick up me and my kid. So I not give them any petrol money, but pay some or all of their attraction fees (depending on the entry fee, versus the driving distance).

I don't think you're being at all unreasonable, OP.

The carer's pass is for you, as you are your daughter's carer.

You didn't invite your mum to join you and DD. If she wants to come with you, she can pay for her own ticket.

I hope you and DD have a lovely day out

@Dogrough

sign saying members get in free- we aren’t members so why do I get in free (because I’m a carer, that’s separate to the membership issue)- can’t let it go,

My parents had to abandon getting food at a hotel bistro because I couldn't understand that non-residents were allowed to dine there and I kept protesting that we weren't allowed to eat there because we weren't staying there. I would have been still at primary school and was also tired and hungry and that special kind of frustrated and bored that kids are after sitting in a car for hours.

How old is DS? If he's still young, he might grow out of this.

staff mentions supposed haunting

It's 2023 and people still spout this ridiculous made-up guff about ghosts with no care for how young children or learning disabled people might interpret it.

Why it is not their money?

So if the carer is a parent: less able to work normal hours if at all, additional costs of getting to multiple hospital appts (& also impacts ability to work, needing to be more present. Again impacting ability to work. The fact that unpaid familial carers save the economy MILLIONS OF POUNDS.
and not all disabled children live with their parents and therefore likely wouldn’t go anywhere if it wasn’t for these tickets.

to name a few.

It depends on a few things , financial situations for example. If she wants to come but doesn’t have much money I’d probably split it. But it does seem a bit cheeky seeing as you didn’t invite her.

My sixteen year old enjoys zoos, museums, and other such things. He should, technically, be able to visit them independently. He can’t, so I or another carer go with him, sometimes on a subsidised ticket.

Many carers care for adults, those who cannot be independent. That’s the main aim of the carers schemes. I can’t get worked up about parents of younger people benefiting as well. At the end of the day, those children will eventually be adults, most of whom will continue to need care.

Bugger her off.