To not pay for her ticket or any part of it?

[HalfTermDayOut]

Half term next week. Going to an attraction with my DD (aged 9) and my mum.

I get DLA for DD, so my ticket is free as a carers ticket (and I always spend in the gift shop/experiences while there to make up for it).

Mum invited herself to come along, so I said she’d have to pay for her own ticket.

She’s saying no, either she gets in on the carers ticket and I pay for my ticket or we split the cost of 1 adult ticket equally between us so it’s cost us both the same.

I don’t care if she comes or not, DD is not bothered if she’s there or not. She wants to come because she has serious FOMO and won’t miss out on something.

So WIBU? Me or mum?

Vote:
YANBU - Don't pay any part of her ticket
YABU - Split it or let her in for free and pay for yourself

This, my children couldn’t go to the attractions without me but we still have to pay full price, actually meaning that we probably won’t go as it costs too much

The absolute state of this comment. Really, I am getting annoyed reading this thread. The OP may well not like her mother very much, no. To be honest, I don't see that there is all that much to like about a person who invites themselves along on a jolly just to cadge a cheap ticket. I strongly get the impression that the mother invited herself because if she strongarms the OP into subsidising her, she will have a cheap day out. If the OP does give in and split the cost (which I hope she doesn't do) I think she should insist that the mother do half the looking after daughter. I bet she won't be so keen next time around.

She's completely unreasonable. "sorry mum, I can't afford that" and done. Don't let her make you feel bad for taking your kid out. Enjoy your day and don't give it a second thought.

I can’t believe how petty the grandmother is. She’s expecting to gatecrash a day she wasn’t invited to and wants her daughter to pay for her. The grandmother works full time. The mother of the child is a single parent who can’t work full time due to her caring role for her disabled child.

I know it’s a distressing and taboo topic but many of these children will not outlive their parents or even their grandparents. I wonder how the grandmother would feel if her grandchild was no longer here.

Oh that’s wonderful 🥰
i have a disabled adult to care for and we haven’t had this happen here but it’s possible that some with more complex needs will have that opportunity here in the uk

One day your mum won’t be there to go on days out with you. Stop being petty over a few quid and enjoy the time with your family.

@VoiceOfCommonSense (ironic handle there) one day I won't be here either. I'm getting on a bit. That doesn't mean that I get to invite myself places and sponge off my daughter who is less well off than me and has a child with a disability.

You realise that your reasoning gives every grandmother the right to trample all over her children's boundaries and help herself to their finances? Don't be ridiculous.

I agree with all that but it is also important to remember the person needing care isn't always a child. I am my husbands carer, he is 8 inches taller than me an 5 stone heavier, we don't go out much and if we do he can't stay for long. I don't even get carer's allowance. Hard to believe people would begrudge me a free ticket once or twice a year so we can spend some time with GC at a fun place.

This. We are a disabled household, in some places we all get in free in different configurations… if we arrange a group outing with my sister and her kids for example, we add up our cost and hers and pay half each so she does get some benefit, BUT- that’s a planned and agreed on thing based on the fact she has more kids and less money and couldn’t afford to do big days out otherwise, and she would never be so presumptuous and rude about it.

Id just tell your mum she isn’t welcome because you want time just with your dd.

Seriously, it’s the shittiest thing to threaten parents of disabled children with ‘dead mum guilt’. Parents of disabled children are more likely to outlive their children, many have conditions which mean they won’t live long lives. Even autism, which isn’t a life threatening condition in itself, but those with it are more likely to die in avoidable accidents, more likely to get severely ill, more prone to suicide… thinking about an older persons inevitable death is nothing compared to living with the knowledge that one day you may be without your child. So please stop with the guilt over someone who’s been lucky enough to live to see grandchildren brought into their lives and can still enjoy trips out and about even if they don’t feel they should pay for them.

My mum wouldn't have dreamed of asking to be paid for. I'd have loved her joining us and more than happily bought her ticket if she couldn't afford it.

I wouldn't expect my adult children to pay my ticket and hopefully they'd want me to come along for company.

This. A normal child my sons age could

1)walk around an exhibit/event/museum without needing a wheelchair on hand

2. go to the toilet alone

3. not need the accessible toilet

4. be able to stand in queues without needing to sit down

5. walk around without banging into people (sending toddlers flying and injuring elderly people)

6. not need to be removed to a quiet space to regulate at least every half an hour

7. not have a panic attack because people are near him, or making noise, or a younger child touched him with possible germs on their hands

8. would be able to go in the cafe and choose something off the menu even though people were talking and it’s warmer than the rest of the building

9. not be hyper aware of every single ‘do not enter’ or ‘mind the step’ or ‘do not feed the animals’ type sign in case he might accidentally do the wrong thing, and other people aren’t following the instructions and what if something bad happens?

10. cope with animal/cooking/chlorine/people smells

I could go on-

Cadbury world- the benches in one attraction shake- panic.

Liverpool world museum- sign saying members get in free- we aren’t members so why do I get in free (because I’m a carer, that’s separate to the membership issue)- can’t let it go, thinks I need to go and pay again- hour long meltdown and we have to go home and loose the money we spent on a paid exhibition and drove over an hour to see. We didn’t make it past the lobby.

Gullivers world- rides make noise (not rides we were on, just rides around the place) - panic.

Historic house- staff mentions supposed haunting- we have to leave.

I once had to call my wife out of work because of a meltdown in a m&s food court where ds was at serious risk of hurting himself and others- they couldn’t even throw us out because the staff could see there was no way for me to go anywhere while he was in that state. This was before he had his own wheelchair because he was a toddler and I had my mum in a wheelchair so they shared usually- by the time my wife came he had head butted her, ripped the hair out of her head, head butted the floor and was biting himself until he bled. Why? Because that day the m&s food court was scary 🤷‍♀️

Im fairly sure my disabled child needs more care than my non disabled ones…

Unless you don’t like your mum, I see no issue in splitting the cost. She’s your mum at the end of the day, why wouldn’t you?

Unless you don’t like your DD, whose income is severely impacted by caring for her daughter, why would you expect her to pay for you? She’s your daughter at the end of the day.

Yanbu but at the same time, if my mum was struggling and I was planning on buying gift shop tat anyway, I'd just split the ticket price instead. People over stuff wins for me.

And please dont feel you need to 'pay' for your ticket via spending at attractions. You really dont.

Maybe the money for gift shop tat is coming from the DLA?

Just ignore. I would probably go the day before and not tell her. Any further conversation on the ticket' oh we are not doing that now'.

I can't understand posters who are labeling OP as unreasonable and that she should pay for what is HER free entry.
So when OPs mum gets her OAP free bus pass, will she pay OPs fare for her if OP decides to catch the bus somewhere with her?
No? thought not!
Actually you’re going to hate me for this but when my mother-in-law got her disability pass she started halfing the price of the odd ticket with us sometimes for a treat!! (And she’s not at all well off, I fact the opposite, but she is a legend!!)

Beentheredonethat123

Ha! I have a senior rail card that gives me 30% off, and I've been known to share the discounted saving with younger friends!
But the important thing is that that was my choice. If they'd actually demanded that I share it (or even just asked) I'd be pretty annoyed.

You and your daughter go and enjoy it without the selfish old woman, She is also mean too.

Free carers make sense as often those with additional support needs are on a low income and if they have staff to support them, then they have to pay for their part in activities too. Thus free carer tickets.

Grandmother earns more, so it is in fact her, who is being ''petty over a few quid''.

When you have a child with a disability, every penny counts.

This trite nonsense doesn’t get less irritating. Not everybody has the same relationship with their mum as you do.
And even a close mum can still be stingy and selfish.

Why on earth do you need to bring her mum dying into a practical issue about a day out?!

Why are you talking about OP’s mum dying?
Such sentimental claptrap.
It is the mum being a freeloader. Read the thread.

She can't afford it (or at least not easily). She "earns" around £76 a week for caring for her daughter full time. Her mum presumably can afford it, as she's in full time employment.

What's your justification for making the person who is trying to live on £10 a day pay for the person who is in full time employment?