Page 14 | To not pay for her ticket or any part of it?

HalfTermDayOut · 2023-10-26T11:32:01+00:00

Half term next week. Going to an attraction with my DD (aged 9) and my mum. I get DLA for DD, so my ticket is free as a carers ticket (and I always spend in the gift shop/experiences while there to make up for it). Mum invited herself to come along, so I said she’d have to pay for her own ticket. She’s saying no, either she gets in on the carers ticket and I pay for my ticket or we split the cost of 1 adult ticket equally between us so it’s cost us both the same. I don’t care if she comes or not, DD is not bothered if she’s there or not. She wants to come because she has serious FOMO and won’t miss out on something. So WIBU? Me or mum? Vote: YANBU - Don't pay any part of her ticket YABU - Split it or let her in for free and pay for yourself

WiddlinDiddlin · 27/10/2023 19:12

Wonkasworld · 27/10/2023 18:58

Try RTFT instead of the bits that make you self righteous.

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I do apologise, I missed the bit where 9 pages in you apologised for being mean spirited and a bit of a spanner.

I don't think it makes me self righteous though - yours (and to post that, it has to be a pretty strongly held belief not a flippant comment!) is an attitude I come across on a daily basis. That disabled people are getting perks they shouldn't, are a burden, an annoyance etc etc.

If you post your views for all to see, even if you later retract them, you must expect people will react!

Wonkasworld · 27/10/2023 19:16

WiddlinDiddlin · 27/10/2023 19:12

I do apologise, I missed the bit where 9 pages in you apologised for being mean spirited and a bit of a spanner.

I don't think it makes me self righteous though - yours (and to post that, it has to be a pretty strongly held belief not a flippant comment!) is an attitude I come across on a daily basis. That disabled people are getting perks they shouldn't, are a burden, an annoyance etc etc.

If you post your views for all to see, even if you later retract them, you must expect people will react!

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Try a bit of humility, it normally helps.

Angelsrose · 27/10/2023 19:16

It doesn't sound like you want your Mum there so it's an easy decision for you. Most people who have a reasonable relationship with their Mums would want them there but you are very categorical that you're not at all keen. It doesn't need any further input from anyone else!

Madmumof769 · 27/10/2023 19:22

The thing is if your child is entitled to a carers ticket it’s because they have additional needs and someone needs to be caring for them. My daughter at 15 cannot queue alone, ride alone or speak to anyone or process what someone (like a ride supervisor) might be saying to her. I am there as her advocate not just as her mum.

SqueakyRadish · 27/10/2023 19:34

I would split it. But then, I like my mum and enjoy spending time with her, as do my kids.
Actually, I would say we will split it and she would insist on paying for it. But I'd try at least!

Totally depends on your relationship I guess!

Firsttimemum120 · 27/10/2023 19:37

I’d split the ticket money usually but I certainly wouldn’t be letting her go free on the carers ticket. Your attitude seems off anyway so maybe just not let her come you’ll be happier then

Tryingmybestadhd · 27/10/2023 19:40

if this was me both em and my mum would be argue to pay each others ticket lol it’s only £35 not worth getting upset over

Gerrataere · 27/10/2023 19:44

Tryingmybestadhd · 27/10/2023 19:40

if this was me both em and my mum would be argue to pay each others ticket lol it’s only £35 not worth getting upset over

‘Only £35’, the op works part time and is a carer. ‘Only £35’ to people like you may be a fortune to someone in the op’s position.

Sennelier1 · 27/10/2023 19:46

I think your mother should pay for herself. If she insists you pay at least half for her then tell her you consider it her birthday present - if her birthday is too long from now make it her christmas present.

Heatherjayne1972 · 27/10/2023 19:50

I’d say one pays for ticket and the other buys lunch
that’s how my sister and I split things like this

sunnyseed · 27/10/2023 19:50

YANBU. My mum would never do this. She is always going out of her way to do nice things for me and my children. Sorry OP but your mum sounds a bit selfish.

Thedm · 27/10/2023 19:51

Wonkasworld · 27/10/2023 19:16

Try a bit of humility, it normally helps.

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You might have apologised for being mean spirited and writing the post, but you haven’t actually said whether or not your opinion has actually been changed. Are you sorry for posting publicly and being told off? Or are you sorry for what you said because you’ve realised how wrong you were and genuinely have changed your opinion?

Blueink · 27/10/2023 19:54

Per your follow up, suggest you explain you are happy for DM to come, but only budgeted for DD’s ticket and can’t unfortunately cover (even partial) costs of the extra ticket.

Iwasafool · 27/10/2023 20:02

Wonkasworld · 26/10/2023 13:15

I stand by it.

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Well it will be a business and no doubt they have done their calculations and decided it is a good idea. Even if it isn't it is up to them isn't it.

WiddlinDiddlin · 27/10/2023 20:17

Wonkasworld - oh the irony.

Back to the OP though - if she's not invited and coming just because of FOMO rather than a desire to see grandchild, help out etc, then no, she can pay for her own bloody ticket. Surely she can see that the difference between you paying for just a child ticket, and child ticket plus half adult ticket may mean you simply can't afford to go!

Nanny0gg · 27/10/2023 20:19

JMAngel1 · 27/10/2023 18:19

Why does the mum get a free ticket as a "carer"? Couldn't we say the same for all parents?

Oh don't be so ridiculous. It's not comparable.

The OP's DC will NEVER be able to go anywhere unaccompanied.

Wanna swap?

Nanny0gg · 27/10/2023 20:20

Tryingmybestadhd · 27/10/2023 19:40

if this was me both em and my mum would be argue to pay each others ticket lol it’s only £35 not worth getting upset over

There speaks someone who has £35 going spare

It would never occur to me to have my ticket paid for. I'd be the one paying for lunch on top of my ticket

Nanny0gg · 27/10/2023 20:23

Wonkasworld · 27/10/2023 19:16

Try a bit of humility, it normally helps.

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You've got to be kidding!

ThereIbledit · 27/10/2023 20:23

I know some people have answered this but this has come up so often and I bet people aren't reading every post in 14 pages so here goes again

Why are Carer Tickets to things free?

They exist so that a disabled person can access things that they would not be able to without a person to help them (a carer).

The carer isn't there for shits and giggles, they are there primarily to support the disabled person to access the activity/event/whatever it is. If they have a lovely time themselves while they are there, that's a nice bonus.

If you want an example, picture this. an adult with disabilities who has a personal assistant (employed carer) may require that person to come with them in order for them to be able to attend e.g. a football match. The PA may need to help the disabled person to get there in the first place by driving them there, assist them to purchase food and drink and consume it, to change continence pads, to hold open doors so that they can get through with their mobility device, to hold on to and pass them things like tickets and souvenirs., you get the gist. If venues charge for the carer's ticket, that means that the disabled person has to buy two entry tickets every time he or she wants to go anywhere... on top of all the day to day additional expenses they incur for the privilege of being disabled, and on the slim rations of whatever benefits they are entitled to. It soon becomes unviable for the disabled person to access the everyday life that we take for granted.

Same principal for disabled children and for the huge numbers of people for whom a family member is their carer.

Nokoolaidherethanks · 27/10/2023 20:24

I actually like spending time with my mum, and I value my kids spending time with their grandparents so I'd pay for my mum if it was a problem for her to pay. Grandparents/parents won't be around forever. You might regret petty arguments like this later on.

ThereIbledit · 27/10/2023 20:27

Nokoolaidherethanks · 27/10/2023 20:24

I actually like spending time with my mum, and I value my kids spending time with their grandparents so I'd pay for my mum if it was a problem for her to pay. Grandparents/parents won't be around forever. You might regret petty arguments like this later on.

But it isn't a problem for her mum to pay, she just doesn't want to. Her mum is in full time employment. Unlike the OP, who is a full time carer to her daughter. It is the OP who is less able to pay for their own ticket.

Wonkasworld · 27/10/2023 20:28

Thedm · 27/10/2023 19:51

You might have apologised for being mean spirited and writing the post, but you haven’t actually said whether or not your opinion has actually been changed. Are you sorry for posting publicly and being told off? Or are you sorry for what you said because you’ve realised how wrong you were and genuinely have changed your opinion?

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Keep the limelight. It clearly means that much to you.

Sirzy · 27/10/2023 20:31

Nokoolaidherethanks · 27/10/2023 20:24

I actually like spending time with my mum, and I value my kids spending time with their grandparents so I'd pay for my mum if it was a problem for her to pay. Grandparents/parents won't be around forever. You might regret petty arguments like this later on.

And if her Mum valued any of this she wouldn’t be making it harder for her daughter to take her grand daughter out. These things work both ways

Sirzy · 27/10/2023 20:33

And without sounding morbid those doing the “they won’t be around forever”
argument could well do to keep in mind that for many parent carers morbidity is something that is always at the forefront of their mind be in their own or even worse that of their child.

SpudleyLass · 27/10/2023 20:56

Nokoolaidherethanks · 27/10/2023 20:24

I actually like spending time with my mum, and I value my kids spending time with their grandparents so I'd pay for my mum if it was a problem for her to pay. Grandparents/parents won't be around forever. You might regret petty arguments like this later on.

Op's mum earns more than she does.

If it was about spending time with her grandchild, the grandmother would organise something that ISN'T a financial burden on her daughter, as she is fully aware of the circumstances.

Or did you miss the part about the disability?