Fed up of patients who clearly having nothing better to complain about than how I look

[fedupofnightshifts]

NC for this.
It's probably me being oversensitive because I'm relatively new in the job, but I've just finished a crappy nightshift in A&E, really busy and hardly stopped since yesterday evening. And I'm really pissed off that a really rude and entitled man decided to seemingly single me out for complaint, initially because he'd been waiting for hours because he'd been triaged well down the list, and secondly because he didn't think I look 'professional'.
So he commented about an hour after he got there and I'd spoken to him that I had a hole in my tights. Nothing new, happens all the time to me at work. I'd apologised and then of course totally forgotten about it. Fast forward to 4am when he eventually got seen (by me) and he was clearly pissed off that he'd been waiting all night so not in a very co-operative mood. Of course he would notice again that tights are still holed because I've not fucking stopped and no chance to change them, and I'd also undone the top press stud on my dress because I was boiling, still totally decent because it zips right up but I guess it's the equivalent of loosening your tie a bit.
Then he made some comment that my dress was really creased and maybe I should consider ironing it. Not the creases that you get when it comes out of the washing machine, but like lap wrinkles from sitting and just general wear creases.
I know it's stupid but I just felt like shit. I didn't say anything to anyone. I don't know whether it constitutes harrassment or whether to just put it down to dealing with shit from the general public?
Not sure what my AIBU is, just tired and fucked off.

I bet he wouldn't have directed these sort of comments at a man. Arsehole.

i think it’s all jobs where you deal with people. My daughter works in a shop, honestly the abuse she’s received for just doing her job is unreal. She’s 16! Grown adults calling her all sorts of names / making personal remarks because they can’t get a refund on something 😡

You think he could have worked out the fact you were exhausted and overworked and thus (like all of us) not looking your best.

Some people are just unbelievable. I would have been so glad just to get treated that this kind of stuff would be totally, utterly irrelevant.

Yes it's annoying when we have to wait in queues for things but most people have the common sense to know it's not the fault of the man or woman on the ground. However the twat was not even commenting on the wait but your appearance - what does that have to do with anything.

He clearly was not very sick! If he was sick he would have been worried about his health not your clothing.

These things are upsetting because they are unjustified especially when you are working your fingers to the bone. This reflects badly on him. It was nothing to do with you - he clearly just wanted to vent his anger out on whoever the nearest safe target was.

He'll be off insulting someone else by now not giving you a 2nd thought.
This is why I love dogs. Some humans are just fuckin arseholes.

Response in our dreams:
"Damn it you're right! Go get back in the queue right now while I go find an iron and pop to the 24/7 Sainsbury's for tights. I'll note your record that nobody else should see you until I'm back"

Then jump up and head to the door shouting:
"MIGTHT EVEN EAT A DONUT WHILE I'M THERE'

Hi
Thank you so much for all your replies and support. I don't know where to start with replying to it all because I'm out to work again soon and I can't remember what everyone's said.
I do appreciate that I maybe need to harden up a bit and to have a stock of witty/sarcastic responses in my armoury, other than the "fuck off cunt" which often runs through my head in situations like that. And to the one or two people who have said that I should be more focused on providing a first class service and think more about the patient than me; well I do, which is why I continue to do the job I do. Maybe I was just particularly tired and stressed and that's why I came on here for a rant.
With regards what I wear for work, I obviously can't say which trust I work in but there are scrubs/tunic and trousers options available, which some nurses wear. There is also the option of a dress which I, along with a few others, prefer to wear. I also do bank shifts on a ward and wear the same uniform on there too.
You'll be pleased to know that I've got fresh tights and an ironed dress, thought how it'll look in a few hours is anyone's guess!

Hope your next shift goes well and you don't have to deal with any rude comments

Once my daughter was in a bed waiting for the shift paed to come around and another mum was complaining about the paed wearing trainers. Her complaint was they looked ugly. Absolutely bonkers.

Props to you for wearing a dress on nights!
You are completely right to feel the way you do, his comment was not appropriate...sounds like you handled it all very professionally!

Also FYI to the trollish comments on here- empathy is not accepting inappropriate comments at your place of work. You cannot comprehend the level of empathy and dedication this person has to work in the NHS in its current state.

Ignore them.

Couldn’t give a shite about how the consultant looked or smelt heading into early hours of 21st January 2023 when admitted. Had a neck/spine injury but if someone hadn’t listened at that time I’d be paralysed today.

Thank you for the job you do x

Hope tonight’s shift is a bit easier/less dickery behaviour.
I’ve been where your at & some patients will always miss the point entirely!!! If their primarily concern is your state of dress then why the Fanny Annie are they in your department in the middle of the night!!
possible answers “oh fiddlesticks these were new on” “fortunately my professionalism isn’t linked to my dress, now what can help you with?” “Yes been one of those nights I’m afraid, now what seems to be the trouble?” (& showing my age “open wide”pop in an oral thermometer & leave it there for 10mins saying “not quite cooked yet!!”)
We could be charitable & say he was stressed or anxious but in reality he’s an obnoxious twat & that can’t be fixed, to para-phrase Winston Churchill tonight you have a intact pair of tights & smooth dress whereas he’s still a twat.
thank you for doing your job & don’t let them grind you down. Hugs xx

Love this xxxx
&
PosterBoy
Hope your next shift goes well and you don't have to deal with any rude comments
that is a lovely sentiment (& unfortunately about as likely as slipping on unicorn poo) xxxx

I have to say, I worked in A&E in 2005 when it was all paper-based, and we’d have “lost” his Cas-card for less than that! Little shit.

We get a lot of inappropriate personal comments where I work, here are some responses I coach the staff on:

Please (optional), don't comment on my appearance. What can I help you with that is [hospital] related.

(When remark is sexual in nature)
I'm not here for that. Do you have any [hospital] needs that I can help you with.

You may be unaware that persistent unwanted comments on someone's appearance constitutes harassment, which is against our code of conduct, if you can't refrain from making personal comments we'll have to ask you to leave.

I'm sure you're not aware that your repeated comments on my appearance are making me uncomfortable. I can help you with anything [hospital] related.

I want to help you with your [hospital] related issue, but if you continue to make personal comments we'll have to end our conversation.

That's not appropriate, please refrain from personal comments so I can continue to help you with your [hospital] problem.

Not in our local hospitals they don't.

All in scrubs. Consultants in white over costs, over street clothes.

@fedupofnightshifts

id have said if he was well enough to notice minor details like that he was wasting A&E Resources!! & to fuck off go back into the waiting room.

I salute you for the amazing work you do for us & apologise for dickhead entitled Joe Public. I would buy you new tights. Thank you OP.

I can understand how you feel but I hardly think it constitutes as harassment. I was in hospital a couple of years ago when an elderly woman was being really rude to a female nurse every time she had to tend to her. I asked the nurse how she managed to keep her cool. Her reply "it's no good coming in to this job if you haven't got a thick skin" sad but true

No man should have any opinion into how a women dresses. It was none of his business. I would have told him to go outside and made him wait even longer!

He's a cunt; you're a hero. Ignore ignore ignore.

"I won't be further addressing my appearance with you at this time" is what you can say next time it happens.

I worked in A&E for many years and encountered all manner of arseholery. As another poster said, if that's all he had to complain about, you've got nothing to worry about. Don't let the bastards grind you down!

Years ago when I was a counter girl in Debenhams a man walked past and he said to his wife 'look at them, they look like tarts' I replied, 'well you obviously know the type well". I'd do it again all these years later. These type of men are bullies, give him some laxitive next time. Bastard.

He’s welcome to wait for a more professional looking person?

I work as a carer, and completely get where you're coming from. People seem to think that they are entitled to judge, make personal comments, and generally treat you like a slave.

I work in retail and in my teens and early 20s old men 50+ where the worst now im in my 30s they leave me alone its a power thing

If he had needed and injection I would have found the largest and most brutal needle available and taken pleasure in using it on him.