Fed up of patients who clearly having nothing better to complain about than how I look

[fedupofnightshifts]

NC for this.
It's probably me being oversensitive because I'm relatively new in the job, but I've just finished a crappy nightshift in A&E, really busy and hardly stopped since yesterday evening. And I'm really pissed off that a really rude and entitled man decided to seemingly single me out for complaint, initially because he'd been waiting for hours because he'd been triaged well down the list, and secondly because he didn't think I look 'professional'.
So he commented about an hour after he got there and I'd spoken to him that I had a hole in my tights. Nothing new, happens all the time to me at work. I'd apologised and then of course totally forgotten about it. Fast forward to 4am when he eventually got seen (by me) and he was clearly pissed off that he'd been waiting all night so not in a very co-operative mood. Of course he would notice again that tights are still holed because I've not fucking stopped and no chance to change them, and I'd also undone the top press stud on my dress because I was boiling, still totally decent because it zips right up but I guess it's the equivalent of loosening your tie a bit.
Then he made some comment that my dress was really creased and maybe I should consider ironing it. Not the creases that you get when it comes out of the washing machine, but like lap wrinkles from sitting and just general wear creases.
I know it's stupid but I just felt like shit. I didn't say anything to anyone. I don't know whether it constitutes harrassment or whether to just put it down to dealing with shit from the general public?
Not sure what my AIBU is, just tired and fucked off.

This. I’m a hca and this would have just washed over me. I got told I looked like a whore a few days ago 😂 there is no need for it though, the man’s a bellend and I’m sorry you’re having a rough night

Grrrr. There is always one fuckwit that thinks it’s ok to take out their bad temper on other people.

Perhsps next time, a “do you want my help or not?” might be the answer.

Well done OP for keeping your cool. I can’t imagine A&E being the easiest of jobs

I’m angry on your behalf.
I’m a nurse too, someone tried to complain the other day that I was 7 minutes late to see them (true, but there was good reason and I was also reading their notes, plus they blocked the door I needed to get through whilst they were on the phone trying to complain (!)

in my head (not in real life) I wanted to swear and say to them that actually I’ve missed my one hour unpaid break. Had I took the break then it would have been an hour and 7 minutes late!!

in your case I might have (again in my head) sarcastically said to the person that they are quite right to complain, and you will put them back in the waiting room whilst you go to a 24 hour shop to buy tights. And/or told my manager that the person is behaving inappropriately and I don’t feel able to deal with them professionally.

have a good rest x

You know are within your rights to call him out for this whilst still remaining professional:

“Id appreciate if you keep your inappropriate comments about my appearance to yourself please my appearance is reasonable and if you continue with this harassment I will not be working with you”

You are being assertive not aggressive and can hand him over to a colleague if he continues. You don’t need to tolerate harassment.

@Klona I hate people who click their fingers at wait staff and shop workers.

Thank you for the job you do op and I'm sorry this arsehole was rude to you. I hope you can forget it. I work in retail and the amount of rude customers is unbelievable. Really really unbelievable. And i work in a naice shop.

Completely unacceptable and staff should not have to tolerate this or let it ‘wash over them.” Great if it doesn’t bother you but if a patient said that to me I would’ve called them out. It is possible to be professional and assertive at the same time.

If he was well enough to sit around being rude about what people were wearing then I doubt he was ill enough to need A&E. I don't think you should've apologised in the first place though for the hole in your tights initially. Makes him think that his opinion is actually worth something.

My DSis is a pharmacist and some prick told her, out of nowhere, that she needed to wear more make-up. He waited a long time for his drugs that day.

Such a pity you didn’t walk out if the room before treating him and say “ok I’ll pop off now to get myself sorted. I’ll be back in half an our or so. Thanks for making me see where my priorities should lie”

I have to admit that… I was wondering this as well! Usually by the time I’m sick enough to need A&E, I probably wouldn’t notice if everyone was dressed as birthday clowns. Though I never seem to be SO sick that I can automatically overcome my fear of needles 🤔 You know, I think my body might be an arsehole.

YANBU

Get some sleep and then remember that this is one man trying to ‘get back’ at someone because he’s had to wait so long.

If it was another person he would have also made comments to them too.

I would have some stock replies ready, as I’m sure rudeness is something you experience quite a lot.

I used to work with SEN teens and some were vile.
I used to get worked up over the things they’d say but I learnt to either ignore it if it was truly vile or make a joke out of it, because I know they were saying it to get a reaction out of me.

I would have been blunt with him and told him what you said on here.

“Yes I do have a rip in my tights, great observation skills! Unfortunately, it’s been so busy I’ve not had chance to have a 30 second break to get a drink or go to the loo. If it’s bothering you so much, I can go and change them now but it does mean you’ll have to wait even longer to be seen.”

If he commented on them again I would have said “you are absolutely right.
Please go and wait in the waiting room and I’ll call you back in when I’ve sorted them”.

God I couldn’t work in a hospital environment.

He’s completely rip roaringly mad (as well as unpleasant).

You work in A and bloody E, of COURSE you might look a bit rumbled at the end of a shift.

He’s an idiot. Ignore

As an HCP, aren't you ever tempted to (subtly) get your own back on fuckwits like this? Miss the vein numerous times when you do a blood test? Sneaky prescription of an emetic?

I would have ensured he got the biggest fuck off cannula and a PR (per rectum)

What a sexist piece of shit. He should appreciated you for doing your job, not made inappropriate remarks.
Anyone who works in the NHS deserves respect.

Hes probably one of those types who thinks he knows it all, he’s watched a few episodes of ER and thinks hes George Clooney. Yuk! Ignore him.

Mutter under your breath maybe you should fuck right off....

Some people are arseholes. You do an amazing job.

I can’t imagine why someone who is in need of a and e, would care about anyone’s appearance unless they’re the dr or nurse filthy. Very odd and not worth a moment of your thoughts. Get some rest and you’ll feel better.

What a twat.

Sorry you've had to put up with that, OP. Some people - often male - think they can say what they want to HCPs, retail staff etc because they're not really in a position to answer back. I've experienced it myself - it's a power trip. 😡

You’re a star, and he’s a miserable, ungrateful wanker. Try not to give him any more headspace.

YANBU in the slightest and I'm usually shocked by what I see in hospitals. Being perfectly presented didn't stop an F2 from being spectacularly rude to DH and me and misdiagnosing a broken back a few years ago. I did complain about that.

When I've dealt with someone with multiple piercings and tattoos I've judged but wouldn't comment to them. Fingers twiddling a nose piercing then touching me doesn't fill me with thrills.

Ignore the nasty idiot OP and prescribe a particularly nasty tasting medicine or a really painful injection. Some people just don't deserve to benefit from all the hard work you've done to get where you are today.

Honestly... I couldn't give a flying f*ck whether my doctor / nurse was wearing an immaculate Armani suit and highly polished or a pair of joggers with a T shirt and trainers as long as they

a) they're a fully qualified doctor / nurse
b) they work out what's wrong with me and what to do about it or pass me along to someone more experienced if they can't
c) Speak sufficient English that I understand them (probably get flamed for being racist now but when I'm already upset I want to understand what's going on)
d) They're reasonably nice to me and behave in a professional manner

Frankly if I'm ill enough to be in A&E I just wouldn't notice or care.

One of the best A&E doctors I ever encountered was wearing bright pink DMs, leggings and a T shirt - it was Children's hospital though so a different environment.

Sorry to hear this, op, but not surprised!
I work in hospitality and the rudeness, entitlement and threats of violence (and we are a family friendly place 😱) is incredible!!
Seems that people “forgot” how to behave after Covid lockdown and I’ve never known anything like it in many years in this job.
My friends in retail, care work and as receptionists all say the same.

Was he elderly? Was he frightened or in pain?

You know you're not seeing people at their best.

Some people are arseholes but others are struggling and lash out. Sorry you let this get to you but as you say, you are new to this. Try to forget and move on.

Good luck.