Fed up of patients who clearly having nothing better to complain about than how I look

[fedupofnightshifts]

NC for this.
It's probably me being oversensitive because I'm relatively new in the job, but I've just finished a crappy nightshift in A&E, really busy and hardly stopped since yesterday evening. And I'm really pissed off that a really rude and entitled man decided to seemingly single me out for complaint, initially because he'd been waiting for hours because he'd been triaged well down the list, and secondly because he didn't think I look 'professional'.
So he commented about an hour after he got there and I'd spoken to him that I had a hole in my tights. Nothing new, happens all the time to me at work. I'd apologised and then of course totally forgotten about it. Fast forward to 4am when he eventually got seen (by me) and he was clearly pissed off that he'd been waiting all night so not in a very co-operative mood. Of course he would notice again that tights are still holed because I've not fucking stopped and no chance to change them, and I'd also undone the top press stud on my dress because I was boiling, still totally decent because it zips right up but I guess it's the equivalent of loosening your tie a bit.
Then he made some comment that my dress was really creased and maybe I should consider ironing it. Not the creases that you get when it comes out of the washing machine, but like lap wrinkles from sitting and just general wear creases.
I know it's stupid but I just felt like shit. I didn't say anything to anyone. I don't know whether it constitutes harrassment or whether to just put it down to dealing with shit from the general public?
Not sure what my AIBU is, just tired and fucked off.

What an arse. Honestly, after a shift like yours, I’d be tempted to brain him with a bed pain. But that might be unprofessional.

ignore, ignore, ignore. I’d just be grateful for your care. Thanks for what you do.

@novalia89 no one is saying you can’t complain when things go wrong, you should and that’s not unreasonable. However if you had turned round and told your GP she looked unprofessional and her outfit wasn’t to your standard when your appt was late then that would be completely unnecessary and unrelated to what happened

I am so sorry that you were subjected to this OP Can you think of it as his stuff - not yours? Thank you for the work you do - We are all beholden to you

I'm a HCP and have had comments like this in the past.
I'm going to guess this delight was a man 60s, high blood pressure type, red faced etc.

I had one say to me once.
Nurses in the 70s and 80s used to do their hair lovely. While eyeing up the bun on my head.

I've also had patients tell me they'd love to unzip my tunic and they'll only lie down I'm bed if I get in with them.

People can be vile.

Hope you've had a good sleep.

If he was well enough to notice those details, was he ill enough to be in A and E?
I agree with @Ladyaelic on this ^
I was at A&E with DD recently and I haven’t got time or energy to focus on how someone’s clothes was ironed. With a hole on tights I would assume that you were so busy that you haven’t got time to change them.
I was really impressed how tirelessly everyone worked and how patient and polite they were. I was very grateful.

This! If you're upset about this then you need to brace yourself for the coming years or change careers. There's a lot worse out there . . . I thought you were going to say they ask for a specific race which is quite common on the NHS. @fedupofnightshifts

I'm laughing cos I feel ur pain. NS puts us all on "the edge". I also work in A&E. Guess ur in an English one cos u wear a dress. We wear trousers and tunics in Scotland so you should come here and work with us, no more tights to worry you, only drunken, smelly entitled people to contend with. Stick with it hun. Want to say it'll get better but.... .😞

Bit astonished by the vitriol on this thread, hope you meet someone with more compassion when you are old, tired,frightened,in pain.
He just made a couple of comments, we don't know the tone or context.
Worse things happen.

OP acknowledges that she's being over sensitive and is just pissed off and tired in a relatively new role.
I don't think she needs to change careers. Coming onto an anonymous forum allows her to blow off steam.

I once managed a large visitor attraction, a few thousand visitors a day. I was 25 at the time, I’m quite small and looked younger than I was.

I was called in on my day off to deal with a large group of disgruntled visitors who were hosting a commercial photo shoot. It wasn’t allowed anyway but they were refusing to let other visitors get in the way of pictures and going into out of bounds areas.

When I arrived the men decided that I couldn’t possibly be the manager and started shouting abuse, the one that stuck with me was a man who shouted ‘look at the absolute state of her, she isn’t anybody’s manager’. Now I’m older I can just see that he was a sad, misogynist who was threatened by a woman telling him no. It wasn’t anything to do with my appearance and completely all to do with him being threatened, that was the only thing he could do to try and belittle me.

You're tired, he's unwell (and rude), the NHS is crying out for help, nobody's helping, it's a perfect storm, and you're stuck in the middle of it.

Thank you for everything you do. I don't even know you, but I'm fairly confident you're doing a wonderful job.

I recently had to spend time in a&e and then urgent care due to an injury and I think you all deserve awards! The amount of time wasters there was ridiculous. The loudest complainer was a man who had an eye infection! The staff were all so kind and really looked after me but I could tell they were all exhausted from the members of the public being rude and obnoxious. And why do people bring their entire families in when one person has hurt their foot??

People say rude things when they’re frightened: this may be the reason rather than his frustration at having waited for treatment which he appears to have taken out on you.
Like others, I am very grateful for the NHS. No doubt he is too but he behaved badly. Forget him. Remember the better patients you saw on the shift.
Don’t value his opinion. Decide whose views you do hold high and totally ignore all others.
In time, when dealing with the public, you’ll develop a thicker skin.

Oh thanks I didn't realise

So sorry you have had to put up with this.

As a former teacher I could always be quick with a comeback to hackers such as this man. But when you're tired your defences and reactions are down and so can't come up with putdowns that are both satisfying, effective and still professional.

Things like -

"Seeing as you don't consider me to be professional I'll try to find someone else who meets your expectations - but you may have to wait."

"Anymore inappropriate nonsense is likely to delay your treatment as I will need two find a chaperone as I'm not happy treating you by myself."

"Are you expecting me to give you top class treatment after comments like that?"

"Do I need to call your mum"

I can quite imagine nursing, like teaching, is hard on your clothes - especially at the end of the day.

Without revealing too much what was he in for?

All the best.

Well isn't that just super fucking helpful.
Lots of posters come on here to vent/get support for a moment of frustration.
Put down the Chardonnay and resign from your careers adviser job. You really aren't helping.

I was a nurse and no nurses at the hospital I worked at wore dresses. The uniform we had was scrubs, or a tunic top /polo shirt and cargo style trousers

Yes, i was also a little taken back as OP’s attire has not been my experience for some time. Funnily, when I started practice we wore mechanics overalls (yes, you read that correctly), as interns and residents. The registrars and consultants wore normal clothes, generally with a white lab coat over them. At that time nurses still wore dresses and stockings. However for the past twenty odd years I have only known nurses to be in scrubs, and I know for the last decade or so I worked, in our health area clinicians were in trousers and uniform polo tops. The polo tops had your position embroidered on them (such as Staff Specialist) and they were coloured accordingly. Having said that, it was pretty specific to A&E as when we requested consults from other specialties such as orthopaedics or psych they tended to rock up in normal clothes. Obviously anaesthetics were always in scrubs, but I’m pretty sure ICU had the same polo top system we had. I can’t imagine working in A&E in a dress personally.

I often wonder back to my early days and the mechanics overalls and wonder who the fuck thought that up and why. Maybe it was to easily identify us as incompetent at the time 🤣. It was also a real faffle to go to the loo for the females, although there were not too many of us, so guessing some male came up with the idea. But in reality, even mechanics overalls are more fitting than a dress for working in A&E.

Fellow nurse here, unfortuantely you will encounter rude, angry and damn right nasty patients. But, you will also encounter truly wonderful, lovely and kind people who sometimes in their worst moments of their lives display wonderful acts of human nature. You get to see true love between two people. Try and focus on the positve patients and forget the negative nellies.

Some patients will take their anxiety, anger etc on you. My best advice is smile and 'ACT' nice. Then release your frustations in a safe place with your workmates.

My reply to this particular patient would be "Would you like holey tights and treated or shall I go and change my tights and you can wait".

Hope you get some sleep.

Many patients believe HCPs are their personal punching bag and hold them personally responsible for any failings in the overall system that lead to delays, misdiagnosis etc etc.

I got stabbed in the neck with a fork by some irate patient on a hospital ward many years ago. That was probably the worst. Also been punched in the face, kicked, spat at, pushed, threatened etc. The constant verbal abuse from patients and their relatives takes a toll eventually, and people wonder why HCPs sometimes appear to lack empathy or care. We’re not robots. Repeated verbal and physical abuse affects us, as it would anyone, and sometimes it’s a struggle to shove it away in the ‘brain box that must not be opened’ fast enough before your next (hopefully nice) patient.

You will learn how to politely and professionally, but very firmly respond as you progress through your career. When I first started I put up with all sorts of horrific behaviour but learned how to assert myself. Once I made a patient leave the ambulance and refused to do anything until the police arrived. That person had spat at both myself and my crewmate and was lying on the floor biting my crew mate’s leg, requiring me to wrestle them out the door and lock them out.

Tillybobbins · Today 11:13
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People say rude things when they’re frightened”

Do they? I don’t.

You need a blunt needle for twats like him.
You also need to have to hand a few responses/one-liners for dealing with people like that. He clearly took advantage of your age and sex. He wouldn't have dared say those sorts of comments to someone older or another male.

I would have been sorely tempted to have told him that you had been too busy to change your tights as we're putting the needs of patients first, but as he considered it so important you would go off and do it now. Then I would have swanned off for 15 minutes.

As an aside it's unfair that you have to wear thin tights that get easily ripped when your male counterparts don't have the same issues to contend with.

@EdgeK Well isn't that just super fucking helpful

Actually it is, and probably one of the most helpful things OP will read - because that’s reality. No point doing a ‘there, there’, that’s not going to help anyone. Honestly, if shit like that bothers you, then A&E is NOT the place to be as it’s an absolute zoo, and every arsehole on the planet will pass through at some point, and you won’t last. So you need to make a conscious decision that it won’t bother you, and implement the mind set for that, or go work in another section. That’s what people do need to hear, not empty platitudes.

I really don’t think A and E is for you if you get so upset by those comments.

I’m also confused by the dress uniform, I haven’t seen those in a and e for years and years. Not really suitable for that environment at all.

He would have got a death stare then a sharp ‘right anyway moving on’ then I’d deal with him and quickly and professionally as possible then slag him off in the staff room when we have our debrief of all the twats we’ve had in today.

Lol back in the day my grandma was a nurse. It's not the patient that would've commented o n looking scruffy , she would've been pulled up by staff or matron. Even for a cap that wasn't put on properly..