Fed up of patients who clearly having nothing better to complain about than how I look

[fedupofnightshifts]

NC for this.
It's probably me being oversensitive because I'm relatively new in the job, but I've just finished a crappy nightshift in A&E, really busy and hardly stopped since yesterday evening. And I'm really pissed off that a really rude and entitled man decided to seemingly single me out for complaint, initially because he'd been waiting for hours because he'd been triaged well down the list, and secondly because he didn't think I look 'professional'.
So he commented about an hour after he got there and I'd spoken to him that I had a hole in my tights. Nothing new, happens all the time to me at work. I'd apologised and then of course totally forgotten about it. Fast forward to 4am when he eventually got seen (by me) and he was clearly pissed off that he'd been waiting all night so not in a very co-operative mood. Of course he would notice again that tights are still holed because I've not fucking stopped and no chance to change them, and I'd also undone the top press stud on my dress because I was boiling, still totally decent because it zips right up but I guess it's the equivalent of loosening your tie a bit.
Then he made some comment that my dress was really creased and maybe I should consider ironing it. Not the creases that you get when it comes out of the washing machine, but like lap wrinkles from sitting and just general wear creases.
I know it's stupid but I just felt like shit. I didn't say anything to anyone. I don't know whether it constitutes harrassment or whether to just put it down to dealing with shit from the general public?
Not sure what my AIBU is, just tired and fucked off.

I am so sorry you encountered this twat. Can you imagine being married to this cxxxt?

“Oh my Crocs are brilliant, I can sluice them down with hot water. You don’t want to imagine what gets on them in my job”
Smile.

Especially if the patient is squeamish

The irony is that if you'd gone and changed your tights and ironed your uniform, he would have had to wait a lot longer

Years ago I was attacked at work and was off sick for several months. Medication and inactivity led to weight gain which I felt very conscious of as I'd previously always been slim.

First day back, feeling a bit fragile and vulnerable, I saw a service user who I'd known before and really liked. She gave me a beaming smile and said "you got fat!". She seemed to think it was a compliment but it was very, very hard to take it that way and not burst into tears.

Someone taught me once: “I’m really curious why you think it’s appropriate to say that to me?”

You need a backbone in healthcare unfortunately you need to be firm and stick up for yourself. Know what is ok and what isn't. He sounded like he was frustrated at the system, not you, but decided to take it out on you because you were the only one there.

Sorry you had a, self entitled prick. But sadly, when you deal with the general public, it's a, standard.

The patient is being unreasonable, best to do your best to ignore though I do understand its annoying! I'm sure you look fine really, I thought from the title it'd be a bright hair colour or a face tattoo or something!

I worked as a nurse in a busy A&E dept years ago and I m afraid abuse from patients especially drunks was rife , best thing is to let comments just go over your head, don’t rise to the bait and definitely don’t take anything personally. People who are tired and scared often get tetchy and tend to verbally take it out on those who are closest ie staff in A&E. Take a deep breath and keep doing a great job with a smile, don’t let them grind you down, for every person like him there will be ten others who are appreciative and thankful that you are there for them , holy tights or not xx

@JustBeKinder that's interesting because in my local hospital, including A&E and outpatients, I have witnessed far more nurses raising their voices quite unnecessarily, to patients than vice versa. It's actually shocking and I refuse to be treated there any more. The culture is dreadful.

Have you ever been shouted at by one of the medics?

When I've dealt with someone with multiple piercings and tattoos I've judged but wouldn't comment to them

@RosesAndHellebores seriously? Good grief

@cultureplanet, yes I have, when my DD was having MH problems by a sister in A&E who was not listening, who did not know her own hospital's protocols, and who had breached DD's rights in relation to decision making making. She screamed down a ward that if I took my DD home, I was undermining her care and ahead call the police. There was no section in place. She also breached dd's confidentiality. DD and I received a full apology from the hospital. The second time DH and I heard several patients literally ripped into by nursing staff along with an ambulance crew. It was disgusting.

What's so unusual at silently judging? Half the population does it, and actually, I don't think it's professional. There's a huge different between a discreet nose piercing and dozens in ears, lips, brows. Similarly with tattoos.

No, not by one of the medics.

It’s the idea of silently or otherwise “judging” anyone for any size tattoo or number of piercings that is so…. Well, alien to me

And I don’t even have my ears pierced!

I'm sure I'm judged all the time. We all are. Some people judge women for being expensively dressed, others for fake tans, others for botox. Every single one of us does it all the time.

Thoroughly depressing you think that.

Did you say this to your children whenever judged someone?

I don't think that's true. I think MN in particular has high levels of judginess and it can seem because of those threads, that everyone or at least most feel like that or do that.

Most people don't. Not about unimportant things that are often harshly judged on MN like baby showers, occasional junk food, how someone looks, botox, fake tans etc. And eyebrows is one that I'll never understand. But going by social media in general, other women's eyebrows are something that a lot of people get really outraged about or upset by. I don't know anyone in real life that gives the tiniest shit about anyone else's eyebrows.

Clearly the guy's a prick!

You do a great job. Thank you for all that you do.

I guess he was lucky that you didn't have someone else's entrails down you! I know you can't - but I would have loved to have given him 'what for!'

Deep breaths, a good nights' sleep and tomorrow is another day.

Sorry my love. I am all sympathy. I hate 'professionalism' - actually I can do my job and I can do it well so who cares what I'm wearing. My attitude is : that's fine. Who else are you getting to do this job? Oh no one? STFU then. (To management)
Or super super politely ' I really want you to have the best treatment possible. My colleague who's very knowledgeable is going to take over treatment now if you would just take a seat back in the waiting room thank you'

Patient time is not more important. Their time does not affect multiple peoples prognosis and diagnosis.

Wow, thank you for all the replies of support!
Had a mad but good Saturday at work, no arsehole comments today thankfully. I did actually discuss what had happened with a couple of colleagues today, and they said that it wasn't the first time that it had been known for patients to comment negatively on nurses' appearance, they had both experienced it too, one had a comment about their hair being a 'funny colour' and another that they had hairy arms!
Why the fuck do people think it's ok to make personal comments like this?

I've been in public service most of my life, some of the public think they own you and therefore say what they wish. Next time tell them why there's a hole in your tights, or your stud is undone. Don't forget to 'accidentally' knock that bruise.

I'd have been tempted to say:

"I'm sorry you don't think I look professional. I will leave you here until someone more professional looking has time to deal with you".

I'd then walk off!