Fed up of patients who clearly having nothing better to complain about than how I look

[fedupofnightshifts]

NC for this.
It's probably me being oversensitive because I'm relatively new in the job, but I've just finished a crappy nightshift in A&E, really busy and hardly stopped since yesterday evening. And I'm really pissed off that a really rude and entitled man decided to seemingly single me out for complaint, initially because he'd been waiting for hours because he'd been triaged well down the list, and secondly because he didn't think I look 'professional'.
So he commented about an hour after he got there and I'd spoken to him that I had a hole in my tights. Nothing new, happens all the time to me at work. I'd apologised and then of course totally forgotten about it. Fast forward to 4am when he eventually got seen (by me) and he was clearly pissed off that he'd been waiting all night so not in a very co-operative mood. Of course he would notice again that tights are still holed because I've not fucking stopped and no chance to change them, and I'd also undone the top press stud on my dress because I was boiling, still totally decent because it zips right up but I guess it's the equivalent of loosening your tie a bit.
Then he made some comment that my dress was really creased and maybe I should consider ironing it. Not the creases that you get when it comes out of the washing machine, but like lap wrinkles from sitting and just general wear creases.
I know it's stupid but I just felt like shit. I didn't say anything to anyone. I don't know whether it constitutes harrassment or whether to just put it down to dealing with shit from the general public?
Not sure what my AIBU is, just tired and fucked off.

I'd have been tempted to say "you're right. After 10 hours working non stop I'm looking a little disheveled. So if you just wait here for 30 minutes I'll go and change my tights and iron my dress and be right back with you!"

He's an arsehole. Whenever I've been in an and e I've always been too unwell or in too much pain to even notice someone's tights!!!

Thanks for all you and you colleagues do

First class experience?

This patient was rude to op for no fucking reason whatsoever.

Reply quietly with “Unprofessional? No. It would be unprofessional of me to tell you to piss off for commenting on my appearance. But I wouldn’t do that as I’m very professional.” Finish with a smile and sashay away

Not an excuse but sometimes people cover fear with rudeness - such people are often rude to everyone I bet the gp/ vet / dentist/ optician/ hairdresser gets his tongue as well

you do an amazing job op. Thankyou.

@Turkey98 you do understand that employees in the NHS are not setting government policies and might not even agree with them? OP was there to use their skills to help sick people in order of priority not provide a ‘first class’ experience, it’s not British Airways - she didn’t build the hospital or write government policies, decide on staffing levels, make people be off sick or any of the million other reasons this guy had to wait hours. She just kept going doing her job. Frankly the attitude that health care staff are subservient to patients is exactly what’s wrong with the U.K. - both people are human and mutual respect is what is expected. The nurse is not less human than the patient just because one is being paid to be there and he pays tax

What could you have done differently to make the patients experience first class? Don't make excuses for the organisation an defend poor service. You represent and are responsible for the choices made and the experience delivered

What. Planet. Are. You. On?

HCPs at the coal front are in no way responsible for the choices of governments of the day, or previous governments. Essentially it all boils down to governments ripping the guts out of the health system. HCPs have to work with what little has been left, and there is no way most people can have a ‘first class experience’, and the people standing in A&E in front of you are NOT responsible for that. They are also every bit as frustrated as patients, but tend not to act like complete arseholes as many patients do.

Thank you. I can’t even begin to imagine how tough your job is, let alone having to do it at night as well. Why anyone would be so rude & aggressive to a nurse who’s trying to help them is just inexplicable. Sending you hugs & appreciation.

I'm so sorry you had to deal with that a.h. Because he's a bloke he thinks he can harass you, a woman, who is working back-breaking shifts day in and day out while trying to help him!

I bet if you were a male nurse he wouldn't have said anything about a creased uniform or messy hair!

I'd be absolutely useless in the medical profession dealing with idiots like him because I'd tell him to his face to go and buy me some new tights and a new uniform then he can iron it himself...but of course I wouldn't officially be able to say it without being sacked!

While my job is totally different to yours...I'm f/t self-employed customer-facing Retail, I do have to deal with entitled ''Karen's and Normans'' who have never worked in Retain in their lives, or in some cases, never worked at all, think they can tell me how much stock I should buy, what hours to open/close, if I should have the heater on or off etc.! But with me I can have the luxury just tell them to piss off and ban them where as you can't really!

I hope you never have to deal with that moron, or anyone like him, ever again!

I for one very much appreciate what you and all your colleagues are doing!

Well done for the job you do. Thank you x 1000.

it shows total lack of empathy and highlights that this man has never worked a day in his life.

If they are, she's doing something wrong.

I'm an optometrist and I can't think of the last time that someone was rude to me, even if I'm manning reception or answering the phone. But, I generally run on time, apologise and let the patient know if I'm not, am knowledgable, skilled, friendly and polite. It's unbelievable how often HCP aren't.

Pharmacies are particularly bad now - I've finally found a decent one, but the set up seems to be, you walk in and are ignored for 10 minutes, someone asks what you want, they type your name incorrectly into the system twice even though you've spelt it, you write it down, they still can't find it in the system and have to ask their colleague (or on two occasions I had to type it in myself), the prescription isn't made up, even though they've had it for over 48 hours, then they tell you it's not in stock/can't find it/or again (twice in the last 6 months) they give you someone else's prescription.

I'm not surprised people get pissed off.

OP - Holes in tights though are irrelevant and so are creases, just ignore him.

That's disgusting behaviour. People like that shouldn't get NHS treatment

Should of laughed and said at least we don’t have to worry about your eyesight was it a enema you needed knob

Why would you assume this when 'seemingly single me out for complaint, initially because he'd been waiting for hours because he'd been triaged well down the list, and secondly because he didn't think I look 'professional' (OP quote)

He had already complained about the time and you are absolutely assuming that it was pointed out in good faith. 'quite possibly thought he was alerting the OP to something' Why do you know something that the OP doesn't?

I wouldn’t be surprised that in the many hours the Op was not in his precedes, he was “singling” our others for untied show laces, loose threads and t shirt stains

The patient is a pratt, but dealing with the general public you find out quickly so are many. Does your hospital provide mental well being support for staff? I am a natural introvert and in my job I have to deal with many such people. It takes it out of you and can leave you drained. I used some of the techniques provided by counsellors within my employer to build resilience. Over used I know but self care is important.

Fellow A&E nurse here. Ignore the comments, unfortunately it does come with the job, people in general are rude and entitled, it will get worse I’ve been working in various A&Es over the last 20 years and the behaviour of patients does seem to get worse as time goes on. Unfortunately you do learn to develop a thick skin over time, it just takes some time getting used to it.

Next time just tell him that your uniform being an ironed and your tights not having a hole in aren’t going to affect the quality of care that he receives or offer him to wait for someone with a ironed uniform. He’d totally hate me, I never iron my scrubs, don’t wear make up to work and my hair is usually scraped back in a pony tail 🙈…none of this affects how I do my job and the quality of care I give.

As you say, entitled, rude and sexist too. No idea how the other half lives and works nowadays, especially in the public sector.

I still occasionally see nurses in dresses and tights.

I've said yabu because I'd say vs what you're going ro have to deal with this is pretty minor. Still rude, but not bad vs a lot of stories on here. Shame you let it bother you, who cares what grumpy old man thinks.

He was unreasonable, but comments like this and worse are common, so it's worth building a strategy to deal with it. There have been some good ideas on this thread.

I would pause for a moment, look directly at them and say 'Comments on my appearance are not acceptable' then smile tightly and carry on. Sometimes it doesn't even take a comment - just a pause and a look without comment works just as well, but it depends on the character. At all costs refuse to engage/apologise - that is viewed as a 'win' and they continue to pick holes in you.

Keeping it very brief and professional should prevent escalation but get the message across.

You mention you are fairly new to the role - you will find your own way to deal with people - I know others 'kill with kindness' and that may work for them/their personality.

When you're tired and are aware that you're a bit sweaty/dishevelled these things can hurt, but you do not have to take these comments that are definitely designed to rattle you or put you in your place (as they think).

No, they should have all bar essential treatment withdrawn.

Basically, if they can't be civil and they aren't actually dying or in agony, they can go home until they learn some manners.

Being rude shouldn't be grounds for withdrawing essential treatment as severe pain and some neurological conditions can make people behave in ways they wouldn't normally.

'I'm an optometrist and I can't think of the last time that someone was rude to me, even if I'm manning reception or answering the phone. But, I generally run on time, apologise and let the patient know if I'm not, am knowledgeable, skilled, friendly and polite. It's unbelievable how often HCP aren't.'

TBH this could be true. I had a doctor's appointment recently for 8:30. I arrived at 8;20 and signed in on the machine. Waited until 9ish and went to the reception desk. I was the only one there. He looked and said everything was fine but the doctor was running late. I waited again and then went back up to the reception desk 10/15 mins later to see what was going on. The same doctor who had walked past me several times then called me in.
She said 'I've walked past you several times. You are down as a phone appointment (I DEFINITELY wasn't as the receptionist had previously booked me in for the next available appointment because I had waited so long for a call back) and also I should not use the machine as it's not great, make sure you use the reception desk!!' (even though they direct you there for the gp because the reception is mainly for the walk in. My appointment was right there on the check in machine anyway).
Absolutely no apology at all and I had been there almost an hour! All the blame was on me when I had done nothing wrong.

I also had another issue during covid when I broke my eye socket. I had been to A&E and they missed it being broken. I contacted my doctor 2 weeks later because it was getting worse and they booked me in with the GP walk-in centre. The GP walk-in centre sent me back to the same a&e (ambulatory). The nurse there was very very dismissive and said that I needed to go to a walk-in and wouldn't believe that I had just come from there an hour earlier and that the GP walk-in had told me I needed the hospital. He ended up walking me round the the hospital walk-in (who were annoyed because it doesn't deal with breaks or anything that I needed and that the nurse knew that) but the hospital walk-in were fantastic and sorted everything out themselves for me with other departments.

How old was he ? 101 ? From a different century? Ironing ? Professional standards meaning what - a starched hat . Obviously has nothing better to focus on but how dare he . My standard reply to shit like this is Well that wasn't very nice , was it.

I was a nurse and no nurses at the hospital I worked at wore dresses. The uniform we had was scrubs, or a tunic top /polo shirt and cargo style trousers, plus we could wear trainers or shoes. We did get the odd comment saying that the dresses were nicer (strangely enough from men)!

This uniform is far more practical and comfortable to wear, especially if you have to stand over a patient (so they don’t get an eyeful of your knickers), or having to run flat out to a cardiac arrest call. I thought that this was pretty standard now (maybe not the polo shirt), but I worked in the nhs in Scotland, so don’t know if it’s the same in the other home countries? If it isn’t, it should be. Would have stopped some of the rude comments @fedupofnightshifts was getting.

I recently spent a relatively long time in hospital very seriously ill, after what should have been an overnight stay. I can say I am ashamed at how little I knew of what nurses are up against on the front line. I do now.

Thank you for what you do, whatever you're dressed like. Anyone who genuinely needs help won't give a toss about a hole in the tights and to be frank shouldn't have been looking so closely. Perv.