Fed up of patients who clearly having nothing better to complain about than how I look

[fedupofnightshifts]

NC for this.
It's probably me being oversensitive because I'm relatively new in the job, but I've just finished a crappy nightshift in A&E, really busy and hardly stopped since yesterday evening. And I'm really pissed off that a really rude and entitled man decided to seemingly single me out for complaint, initially because he'd been waiting for hours because he'd been triaged well down the list, and secondly because he didn't think I look 'professional'.
So he commented about an hour after he got there and I'd spoken to him that I had a hole in my tights. Nothing new, happens all the time to me at work. I'd apologised and then of course totally forgotten about it. Fast forward to 4am when he eventually got seen (by me) and he was clearly pissed off that he'd been waiting all night so not in a very co-operative mood. Of course he would notice again that tights are still holed because I've not fucking stopped and no chance to change them, and I'd also undone the top press stud on my dress because I was boiling, still totally decent because it zips right up but I guess it's the equivalent of loosening your tie a bit.
Then he made some comment that my dress was really creased and maybe I should consider ironing it. Not the creases that you get when it comes out of the washing machine, but like lap wrinkles from sitting and just general wear creases.
I know it's stupid but I just felt like shit. I didn't say anything to anyone. I don't know whether it constitutes harrassment or whether to just put it down to dealing with shit from the general public?
Not sure what my AIBU is, just tired and fucked off.

That’s rubbish OP! All that hard work and that’s what he noticed. I’m glad you can see that it wasn’t personal and more that he was just pissed off at the wait, but there is no excuse for that level
of rudeness.

Get a sign up saying "abuse will not be tolerated", if anyone says anything to me I point to the sign and read it to them and ask if they would like me to call security.
In your situation I'd also have said "please stop staring at my legs and cleavage".
They mostly back down as soon as you have a go back, I'm lucky our Trust backs us up and really does escort them off the premises.

Sadly you meet them in all walks of life.
You should hear some of the insults from parents we receive at school.
Im no way condoning it but sadly these people exist.

Ah OP, you know you've got to ignore these people. But where do you work that you still wear a dress/tights? Every ED dept that I've worked in is either scrubs or trousers/tunics and has been for years. I would boil alive in tights, I couldn't bear it.

Yes, you've had a rough night and you're knackered and at the end of your rope, and yes he was a dick to have anything to say about a hole in the tights/creases on the uniform of the person caring for him professionally in A+E.

If he was suffering from the after effects of either an Accident, or was there in a health Emergency, the state of your uniform wouldn't have even registered so it's likely that if that's all he's got to come up with about his visit he wasn't sick enough to be there in the first place. Which makes him a drain and a timewaster as well as a picky misogynist.

They get everywhere. I'm sorry.

Hope you've had a lovely long and deep sleep, OP. Never mind the pricks.

I really sympathise with you. I just work in a care role so ignore me if you like! But last night I had just slightly under my eye scratched and bleed. But I didn't mind as they have dementia. When someone has capacity and is so rude it's so so much harder I find. I do the kill them with kindness approach generally. However yesterday I explained to a resident and their family member I'd be with them asap but was caring for a patient on end of life care if they could give me ten minutes max. It still wasn't good enough. It's like nothing we do is good enough at times. I know we don't do it for a thank you but we don't do it for abuse either.

Thank you for all you do.

Always amazes me that anyone clever enough to be a Dr or nurse is also daft enough to put up with working with the general public! Don’t give him a second thought OP.

some of these suggestions 🙄

Yes he’s a good old fashioned dickhead. I don’t know why you would let the comments of an idiot like that bother you so much I guess because you were tired and frazzled? He really shouldn’t have the power to affect you, so don’t let him.

This sort of patient boils my blood (but is luckily rare). I occasionally encounter them and just give it back while remaining calm. I would have asked this man whether he would like me to send him back to the waiting room so I can leave to buy new stockings/iron my shirt or whether he would also like some fashion advice.
I have actually never had a complaint against me for doing this, presumably because the patient would need to explain their own rude comment. In my experience it is very effective and often improves their overall behaviour at the hospital. Just because we are in a caring profession does not mean we need to be absolute doormats.

Some people are just arseholes. I couldn't imagine criticising someone like this even if I was tired and in pain.

As a fellow HCP you have my utmost sympathy. This is the sort of crap that should be dealt with by hospital admin and shouldn't even be reaching you tbh

If you were in scrubs he'd have had a go at you for "going to work in bleedin' pyjamas" (may have experienced this delight).

Agree with pp that if he's that aware of details he probably didn't need to be in A&E. He was a dick. Move on.

Some members of the general public are incredibly entitled and incredibly rude. They seem to think their opinion holds any weight, it doesn't

Essentially he's just a grumpy rude misogynist who thought he would be a dick to you because he had to wait. Don't give him the satisfaction of letting his comments bother you, men like that need to learn their comments are irrelevant

Sometimes patients who have been rude or aggressive will apologise, saying they were stressed or anxious, but its not an excuse.

It's awful , but hopefully you will in time grow a thicker skin towards rude ignorant people , an A&E wait is miserable for everyone if I'm ever unlucky enough to be there I will be fuming about the government who seem to be winging everything until it's eventual collapse. I know someone who would lose something / forget him anything to make his wait even longer or miserable for him without batting an eyelid .

He’s an idiot. I get it…. Also HCP.
The correct retort is “My appearance is no concern of yours”. Shall we focus on the reason you are here?

I'm sorry you had to put up with someone so rude and downright mean. Please know that you are truly appreciated by 99.99999999 to infinity of the patients you see.

Thank you for doing such a difficult job and I’m so sorry some twat was rude x

What can we do in life to challenge this rudeness? Maybe for another thread but retail or healthcare, hospitality or pharmacy , everyone deserves respect. I wonder if it all started when someone thought it ok to ask for m and ms to be colour sorted...I find it so so rude
I challenged a guy in a and e for being rude to the nurses but they'd obviously seen it all before and the nurse got his child a teddy and he then was all "thanks love we really appreciate all you do" when he'd been so so rude minutes earlier. I was fuming he'd got rewarded for rudeness but clearly the nurses have seen it all before and do what they do to get through a shift. Rudeness / lack of manners really really gets my goat.

I'm so sorry he was rude to you. There's no excuse.
Many people are anxious when injured or in pain and they need the reassurance of a professional manner and appearance. Still, no excuse for rudeness.

If he was well enough to notice and comment on a hole in your tights, he probably didn't need to be in A&E.

What an ill-mannered twunt. And judging by the number of HCPs who've posted similar unpleasant comments people have made to them, it's no wonder that the NHS has recruitment issues.

The only thing that matters to me when I'm getting medical treatment, in any setting, is the kindness and competence of the person delivering it.

Bloody hell, did he mistakenly think he was waiting for a room at the Ritz instead of a hospital? I bet all his friends loathe him

it does not seem to matter what job you are in you always get twits like these. after working on one of the worse nursing jobs for a shift i would not expect you to look bandbox fresh. a small hole in your tights is surely better than your uniform covered in vomit blood etc as a and e nurses often are

You need to be a bit more patient focused and a bit less self focused. He was in a bad mood as he had been waiting for hours. You should have shown a bit more sympathy IMHO.