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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fed up of patients who clearly having nothing better to complain about than how I look

252 replies

fedupofnightshifts · 26/10/2023 08:02

NC for this.
It's probably me being oversensitive because I'm relatively new in the job, but I've just finished a crappy nightshift in A&E, really busy and hardly stopped since yesterday evening. And I'm really pissed off that a really rude and entitled man decided to seemingly single me out for complaint, initially because he'd been waiting for hours because he'd been triaged well down the list, and secondly because he didn't think I look 'professional'.
So he commented about an hour after he got there and I'd spoken to him that I had a hole in my tights. Nothing new, happens all the time to me at work. I'd apologised and then of course totally forgotten about it. Fast forward to 4am when he eventually got seen (by me) and he was clearly pissed off that he'd been waiting all night so not in a very co-operative mood. Of course he would notice again that tights are still holed because I've not fucking stopped and no chance to change them, and I'd also undone the top press stud on my dress because I was boiling, still totally decent because it zips right up but I guess it's the equivalent of loosening your tie a bit.
Then he made some comment that my dress was really creased and maybe I should consider ironing it. Not the creases that you get when it comes out of the washing machine, but like lap wrinkles from sitting and just general wear creases.
I know it's stupid but I just felt like shit. I didn't say anything to anyone. I don't know whether it constitutes harrassment or whether to just put it down to dealing with shit from the general public?
Not sure what my AIBU is, just tired and fucked off.

OP posts:
BeginningToLookALotLike · 26/10/2023 09:55

Maybe he normally has private healthcare for absolutely everything and is resentful about having to use the NHS. He does sound very entitled. It's his problem, not yours, OP.

JustAMinutePleass · 26/10/2023 09:55

Your example is why Medical Schools should consider retail experience as relevant to all medicine / nursing courses. The doctors who have this experience can put themselves in their patient’s shoes and realise he must be worried / stressed and know how to descalate situations and stop them becoming problematic in the first place even when you’ve had a horrendous shift. An acknowledgement (even if it is just a quick hello or a smile) can go a very long way.

Klona · 26/10/2023 09:56

Viviennemary · 26/10/2023 09:52

You need to be a bit more patient focused and a bit less self focused. He was in a bad mood as he had been waiting for hours. You should have shown a bit more sympathy IMHO.

Edited

OMG just when you think you have seen it all, you see something like this 🙄

Neurodiversitydoctor · 26/10/2023 09:56

💐What an arsehole. FFS who looks pristine at 4am ? What an absolute idiot. Perhaps you could have suggested he waited whilst you changed your tights, ironed your dress and had a cup of tea ?

I hope you sleep well.

JustAMinutePleass · 26/10/2023 09:56

BeginningToLookALotLike · 26/10/2023 09:55

Maybe he normally has private healthcare for absolutely everything and is resentful about having to use the NHS. He does sound very entitled. It's his problem, not yours, OP.

Or maybe he’s scared and stressed that he wasn’t seen until 4am. Empathy is required for health roles.

Klona · 26/10/2023 09:58

Ok I think what we need to take from the thread is apparently:

  • it’s your own fault for not being nice or patient enough to tolerate rudeness
  • being rude is acceptable if you are stressed or worried about something
  • it’s ok to insult someone’s appearance after a long wait or not feeling very well
TogetherWeLearn · 26/10/2023 09:59

You should have sewn up his mouth.

Unfortunately that is the general public for you. Listen to the nice ones and ignore the pillocks.

WonderingWanda · 26/10/2023 09:59

I am so utterly gobsmacked that this man commented on your appearance at all. What an absolute prick. I applaud you for not telling him to fuck off op and continuing to operate in an outstandingly professional way. Some people just cannot help themselves, they are usually themselves massively insecure and a waste of space to society. They make themselves feel bigger and more important by putting others down. Take a deep breath and remember what an awesome person you are.

CopernicusCalled · 26/10/2023 10:00

Nah, 'scared and stressed' might change the way a normally polite and respectful person speaks but not in this way. They might complain they've been waiting for hours in pain, or they might even snap about something being bloody ridiculous, or even some nonsense about paying taxes. Nurses and doctors almost entirely deal with people who are scared and stressed. They can recognise that in a patient and compensate for it.

It doesn't turn someone into a sexist arsehole who complains about the tights/wrinkles of someone clearly working very, very hard all through the night. That's just an arsehole, being an arsehole.

WonderingWanda · 26/10/2023 10:01

No need for personal attacks even if you are scared. When my dd was in resus I so petrified I was trying not to vomit and felt like I couln't breath, I was not rude to the amazing staff, I certainly wasn't critiquing their appearances.

novalia89 · 26/10/2023 10:02

Neurodiversitydoctor · 26/10/2023 09:56

💐What an arsehole. FFS who looks pristine at 4am ? What an absolute idiot. Perhaps you could have suggested he waited whilst you changed your tights, ironed your dress and had a cup of tea ?

I hope you sleep well.

Haha this would have been great. Wait here while I just pop to the nearest 24 hour supermarket to get some tights, iron my clothes and have a cup of tea. Or do you just want me to get on with it how I currently look?

Toddlerteaplease · 26/10/2023 10:03

He was a rude twat. Everything is worse on nights when you are busy and tired.

cultureplanet · 26/10/2023 10:04

i would assume this patient was ND and struggled with social norms and conventions. He wasn’t being cruel. He made a comment about holes in tights and creases in dress.

Passepartoute · 26/10/2023 10:05

Neurodiversitydoctor · 26/10/2023 09:56

💐What an arsehole. FFS who looks pristine at 4am ? What an absolute idiot. Perhaps you could have suggested he waited whilst you changed your tights, ironed your dress and had a cup of tea ?

I hope you sleep well.

Or maybe you should have asked if he wanted to wait till a nurse who met his personal sartorial standards turned up.

Sharontheodopolodous · 26/10/2023 10:06

I work in retail customer care

I remember this one shift-it was heaving-ive never seen it so bad

I was running between tables and 99% of customers where great,they could see it was heaving

I was bursting for a wee and just trying to make sure everyone was sorted,while laughing and joking with people-i remember just wanting to cry

This one woman who seemed to think she was the bloody queen,was clicking her fingers at me,being very rude,personal and nasty to my face,actually rang head office because my 'shirt wasn't ironed (I had ironed it in our staffroom pre shift),that I was 'dirty' (I must have got mayo on my trousers somehow) and I'd been rude to her (I was rushing round and didn't drop everything to lick her shoes)

The only reason I didn't get into trouble was that fact it was heaving,I'm very good at my job and have never been rude to a customer in the whole time I've worked there-I'm known for service with a smile

She actually demanded I was fired-and came back in a few weeks later to check!(and had a shock when I greeted her)

Honest to God,some people want the moon on a stick and will then moan the stick is an inch too short

Ignore them-its not you that's the arsehole-your doing an amazing job and thank you for doing it

novalia89 · 26/10/2023 10:06

cultureplanet · 26/10/2023 10:04

i would assume this patient was ND and struggled with social norms and conventions. He wasn’t being cruel. He made a comment about holes in tights and creases in dress.

Edited

Typical throw in the 'they must be ND' so it's 'ableist' to complain about them. No they are just a sexist arsehole. Even if they are, it's not an excuse.

cultureplanet · 26/10/2023 10:08

novalia89 · 26/10/2023 10:06

Typical throw in the 'they must be ND' so it's 'ableist' to complain about them. No they are just a sexist arsehole. Even if they are, it's not an excuse.

Edited
Show quote history

No it’s the detail that they commented to holes in tights and creases

it indicates to someone in the profession that this is as a result of an inability to grasp social norms and conventions

CharlotteBog · 26/10/2023 10:08

RampantIvy · 26/10/2023 08:04

DD works in a pharmacy, and nearly all of their customers/patients are breathtakingly rude, so I feel for you.

Thank you for the job you do Flowers

Really? Where do you live? I know many people are rude, but nearly all seems so sad.

Cherry2010 · 26/10/2023 10:10

I know it doesn’t help, but some people are just cunts 💐

therealcookiemonster · 26/10/2023 10:10

have you considered a job in theatres? all the patients are unconscious and/or confused after waking up. very hard to complain about silly things like this when you can't remember much. also you get to wear scrubs which are soon comfy and its usually cooler in theatres as they are air conditioned.

also, you can just wear scrubs in a&e too, unless your trust has some sort of bonkers uniform policy. much cooler. and more hygienic as you don't have to bring all the germs home.

HoppingPavlova · 26/10/2023 10:11

Honestly, this does not bode well for you and you need to change your attitude if you want to last. Why would you give a flying fuck? I say that as someone who lasted decades in a&e. Just do a neutral ‘hhhmmmm’ in response to any such non clinical related matters and put it on repeat and truly forget about it the instance the shite leaves their lips. If you don’t you will be lucky to last a week let alone years!

Pumpkingnome · 26/10/2023 10:12

NoPrivateSpy · 26/10/2023 08:10

I get it, OP. What a sexist douchebag.

You must be doing an amazing job if a few wrinkles and a small hole in your tights is the only my thing he has to complain about.

Exactly

I highly doubt he'd say similar to a male nurse or doctor

Turkey98 · 26/10/2023 10:12

I’m sorry, but your sentiment and description is 100% what is wrong with public services and the poor attitude of many staff working within them.

You are completely right to feel a little fed up, but they were using your appearance as a proxy for your approach. What could you have done differently to make the patients experience first class? Don't make excuses for the organisation an defend poor service. You represent and are responsible for the choices made and the experience delivered.

Wheredidyougonow · 26/10/2023 10:12

cultureplanet · 26/10/2023 10:04

i would assume this patient was ND and struggled with social norms and conventions. He wasn’t being cruel. He made a comment about holes in tights and creases in dress.

Edited

Why would you assume this?

Unless you assume all people with ND are arseholes?

Yanbu, he was really shitty and obviously a mean person but I wouldn't let it get you down. You are doing something far more important than worrying about his petty complaints.

cultureplanet · 26/10/2023 10:14

Did you read my follow up

it is what he commented on… holes in tights and creases in dress. it wasn’t abusive or cruel or lecherous. To me it is an individual who struggles with social norms and conventions and quite possibly thought he was alerting the OP to something

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