parents living the high life

[nearlyemptynes]

Now I know we make our choices in life and we live with them. I have 3 children and have supported the eldest through uni and would do the same for the other two if that's what they want. I see this as our responsibility as parents. I have friends who have not supported their kids, haven't encouraged open days etc then when they kids don't go they have wonderful foreign holidays etc after saying they couldn't afford to send their kids to uni. AIBU to think they have their priorities wrong?

@CosimoPiovasco the cut off is around £62000. Two parents earning £31000 are not high earners by any stretch. Unless you’re saying a teacher married to a nurse is a high earning household? We have a high mortgage (no choice where we live and 3 children) and lots of other outgoings. I really don’t think anyone would consider us high earners.

PS FWIW I wouldn’t fund ALL my DC’s uni, I’d expect them to get a student loan and maybe a part time job like everyone else I knew at uni (including myself)? Especially if it meant we as a family were having to sacrifice other things we take for granted like holidays. I don’t think my DC would want this either and don’t think it makes me a good parent, just a normal supportive one!

You sound like you don't have great comprehension skills.

Did you even bother your backside to read my earlier post where I literally described alternatives?

FYI eldest DC has already begun paying back their student finance. I don't care if the taxpayer pays though tbh - I am a tax payer and I've had fuck all other finance!!!!

@user1497207191, it’s great that you’ve been able to save so much for your son. If you have 3,4,5 kids (we have 3) then that’s obviously more difficult. We also have one child with a disability which costs a ridiculous amount of money in support and therapy. Our mortgage is high due to where we live (no choice as DH needs to be in London for work) We do not have high incomes (35ishk a year) and fall just above the cut off. So my daughter only gets the minimum which only covers half her rent. She’s trying to get a job but no luck so far. We’re trying to help but can just about reach covering her rent (using a loan) and giving her enough to eat. It’s awful, really awful.

What was the course? A friends brother went to Cambridge and was absolutely allowed to work.

I would have been really u happy if my parents did this. I’d much rather that we did the traditional route of me getting a loan and a job. It’s mad that people seem to expect parents to go without any form of life so kids can go to university even though there are funding options available for a lot of universities and courses. Of course we all want to do well by our children, and as I said earlier I’d give my last penny to my DC, but I would never have wanted this from my parents and I’m glad they have their money and their own time. It’s their life too. They’ve given so much to me, I want them to enjoy their freedom of not having under 18s anymore and being able to live their own lives with their own money.

Do bore off. So bloody ignorant and tiresome.

How can a person have such hatred for an entire generation??? It's just stupid. People are a product of their times. You don't get to choose when to be born!! Every generation has its challenges. Grow up.

I don’t think people who went years ago and have yet to face it as a parent realise what’s involved these day. £4600 minimum loan. That’s all they’re allowed if your household income is above £62300. Household income that is so 2 parents earning £32000. Not a high salary by anyone’s standards. Two teachers or two nurses etc. A large percentage of those households will have other children. Yes,
my daughter could have worked for 2yrs and gone at 20yrs after saving but it’s a hugely elitist system that means that a young person from a modest income family cannot go to university straight from school as her loan won’t even cover her accommodation let alone feed her.

It makes me so sad that having both grown up working class and gone to university ourselves then worked in the public sector for nearly 30yrs that our own daughter simply doesn’t have those opportunities open to her. We simply couldn’t have gone if it had been a similar requirement as our parents couldn’t and in one case, wouldn’t have helped. the system is grossly unfair.

Oh and we won’t be having any holiday next year to enable our daughter to eat during term time. Not fair on us or our other children but what choice do we have? Bursaries are reserved for kids on full loans-rightfully so. But there’s many kids like DD who are really living on the breadline. 😔😔😔

My kids did that but the finance they get isn't nearly enough to live on. My second did a placement year on unpaid internships in London - they couldn't hold a p/t job as well as working f/t!

I’m confused by the implications they can’t work while studying. I’ve done two degrees while working and raising children ( full time 3yr BA and Full time MA) a few late nights here and there getting stuff done but my scores were very very high. I’m nothing special and I managed fine.

Plenty of posters, including me, have said that their children did just that?

How did you manage to work and study full time?

I know.
But that’s what student finance call it

@OldLadyChinaCup bursaries yes but most universities have hardship funds there are also a lot of weird and bizarre grants available for specific courses/being from a certain town/school etc. They take some hunting through to see if any apply but they are out there. I received a one off 1k grant from one of these for my masters my qualifying criteria was being female and doing science writing to them and agreeing to attend a annual dinner!

@DinosaurKnickers exactly and the pressure, imagine if you didn’t use your degree or didn’t finish it or something and they’d been living in bread and water for years to fund it 😳

At Cambridge you are not allowed to work just as you are not allowed to live outside uni accommodation.

I don't think you are unreasonable and know people who have spent hugely on homes but won't fund education and people who won't scarifice time to hobbies etc. Kids can barely swim but no lessons. I might struggle trying to do too much but it does seem lazy not to try. My parents tried very hard to give us a decent education and their parents before them. We saw that and felt the need to work hard at school to respect that. Uni isn't the be all and end all but also all the statistics show that good qualifications from a decent Uni are a major life advantage.

@nearlyemptynes also at oxbridge college fees massively ramp up costs

odd. He had a job in a restaurant the entire time. Maybe he just broke their rules. Didn’t affect him though, so either they don’t actually enforce it or they didn’t know.

stop being such a martyr and let other people raise their children how they want to. You don’t need a degree to get far in life you know.

Re. Cambridge, that might be true for undergraduate degrees, I don’t know, but I did my postgrad studies there and was actually employed by the College for 20 hours a week.

I've done 2 degrees whilst working full time. It was quite easy. I worked during the day and did a few hours of study after work. The vast majority of degrees don't require study from dawn to dusk every day.

They strongly discourage you working but accept that some people need to and many colleges offer jobs in their admin/catering/fundraising offices to students.

Equally, you need permission to live outside uni accommodation but it's easy enough to get.
Most people prefer the cheap uni accommodation which is in the centre of town, but it's not always appropriate eg for students with disabilities

https://jeremypaxman.co.uk/revelations/i-am-part-of-the-most-selfish-generation-in-history-and-we-shoul

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Pinch-Boomers-Childrens-Future-Should/dp/1786491222

If a journalist or MP (both boomers themselves) publish a book or article stating that boomers are the most selfish generation, and have stolen their children's futures, that's fine, but when @Antst or I say the same thing, we are censored.

I also find it significant that Antst said nothing personal but was censored, whereas personal attacks made against Antst have been allowed to stand.

Who said it was fine when they did it? Just because Pac-Man said it doesn’t make it right. Lots of people say lots of horrible things, doesn’t make it okay. Antst attacked another poster for no reason. Of course their post should have been removed.

Edited to add: I love that my phone has autocorrected Paxman to Pac-Man and I’m not going to change it.

There are so many inaccuracies in that Paxman piece I’m astonished it ever got printed.