parents living the high life

[nearlyemptynes]

Now I know we make our choices in life and we live with them. I have 3 children and have supported the eldest through uni and would do the same for the other two if that's what they want. I see this as our responsibility as parents. I have friends who have not supported their kids, haven't encouraged open days etc then when they kids don't go they have wonderful foreign holidays etc after saying they couldn't afford to send their kids to uni. AIBU to think they have their priorities wrong?

Oxford is the same.

Agree with you OP. I would never want my DC to miss out on University and we are making huge sacrifices to enable it

Ok.
one of mine went there (2019 start )
He worked
Never said he couldn’t
All housemates worked too.
Cafes, restaurants, one was a lifeguard, tourist tours.

I asked him earlier and he said he’d never been told they couldn’t.

They are legally allowed to work as UK citizens

I genuinely have no clue how you jumped to that from what I wrote. There is absolutely nothing in the OP that suggests those parents didn't inform their son. But perhaps he just doesn't want to go to university, which is fine. I'd never recommend an 18yr old goes to uni unless they have a clear view of what they'd like as a career and that career requires a degree. There are many different paths.

But yes, I'd expect an 18yr old to have enough about them and enough independence to be able to organise themselves then ask for help if needed.

There are so many more routes to HE and employment now - I certainly won’t be pushing my child into Uni unless they really want to and this is the only way they can get the job they want. Maybe you aren’t as up to date with this as the other families you are writing about.

you do sound very judgemental about others. You’ve chosen to do what you want and others seem to be choosing differently. Doesn’t mean they are wrong/ not prioritising their children - maybe don’t assume your way is the only way.

When I was young, university was free and students got means-tested grants. The country wasn't even prosperous. Maybe it is time people campaigned for such benefits to be brought back

University isn't for everyone .

So many young people have mountains of student debt and yet they don't have any better jobs than those who started work after A levels or via an apprenticeship scheme .

Tbf we are pretty pre occupied with campaigning for decent pay, decent working conditions, the right to preserve sex segregated spaces, campaigning against wars, campaigning for climate change reasons, campaigning to keep our local council provided services open and fairly funded, campaigning for better from our government/police force/local services.

I think we've all been doing that to be fair 😉

Yes, I meant the collective we.

If students want to fight for lower fees and better funding for living costs they are welcome to fight that battle.

A lot of people are very selfish, even putting themselves above their own children - it's as simple as that IMO OP.

Nothing selfish about it , sooner or later the little darlings are going to have to work it out for themselves .

Is it? I'm too scared of botching it and ending up in a worse situation.

I agree with you OP. It's not about the path your kids take in the end. It's about opening up as many horizons, experiences and opportunities for them as possible, so that when they do make their choice it's an informed one.

Maybe so but it's also a demonstration that attitudes have changed and we no longer have to let comments like that slide and be the norm.

TBH @Antst you appear to be the one with the 'attitude' and the comment that has had to be deleted 🤣

University is not always the best opportunity tho.
My highest earning adult child does not have a degree (£55kpa). One other did not do a degree and has a fab career in a back. One did a degree through work, one went to uni.
They all did what was right fir them,

My best friend went to Oxford and worked part time. But it was against the rules and if he'd had any issues with his work he'd have got in trouble for it.

I've never met any older people who deter younger people from further education and/or training and I've been volunteering with them for over 20 years so that's an odd claim to make.

And as an employer, spoon feeding your kids rather than encouraging independence is the worst thing you can do for them. It's the number one turn off whenever I've interviewed young people. Yes, I want to know they're going to be capable of the work but there's nothing worse than someone highly decorated but lacking independence, drive and the ability to think critically.

And still, there is absolutely nothing in the OP that suggests the lad wanted to go to university.

There's something really grasping about this thread. People earn money and they spend it on what they want to spend it on. They're really not answerable to anybody else. That goes for the parents of children who can't afford uni also. Same rules apply.

I think it's repellent to look to your parents at what they're doing/spending with your nose in their bank account and keeping track of the dent they're making in
'your' inheritance. That's really how it appears on mumsnet sometimes.

Children who want to go to uni, can. They can go as a mature student whilst working. That's what I did and many others do. University is available to all but sometimes you just have to get off your backside and make it happen for yourself.

@CosimoPiovasco

Hb is short hand for husband . Yes she was a very very controlling woman . A narcissist . Woe betide if you said no to her or contradicted her . She even controlled her husbands wardrobe, he could only have 4 pairs of shoes etc . She saw off her other daughter's boyfriend as he was "only a soldier " and that's all he would ever be . Her meddling cost her other daughter's marriage.

Haven't read the whole thread. But when I went to university open days as a 17/18 year-old, almost no one attended with their parents.

It feels like we are now infantilising young adults.

Exactly 😁 This was our attitude with our kids , it's all down to them and if they mess up they can't blame anyone else . We cant live it for you . TBH who wants their parents that involved in their lives ? .

Surely your children could just get student loans and part time jobs like everyone else? I went to uni (undergrad and masters), graduated three years ago. Didn’t have a penny from my parents, but why should I? There is financial support available and I’m capable of working to pay for extras. I know very few people who’s parents paid for uni.

I went to university and feel I benefited from it, in terms of friends and getting on a graduate scheme. If my DC really wanted to go to university I would absolutely support them. However, these days I will also read up about apprenticeships and other avenues and encourage them to explore that route as well. There are a couple of bright, young girls at my work (large corporate) who are working as apprentices or a similar scheme- at the same time as studying and getting paid for this. Then pretty much guaranteed a job in (large corporate, think tech space) afterwards, earning a lot more than I was at that age. Sounds like a good deal to me, only worry is they are missing the social aspect of uni maybe? As for holidays, if the DC are going on the holidays as well, that benefits them as well!

There are many people in the U.K. who don’t value education, so it’s not really a surprise.