Slept with ex BIL and having an identity crisis

[Squirre]

TL:DR - slept with my ex husband's brother. Hate myself but also enjoyed it.

Please be brutal with me. To give this some context me and my ex married in our early 20s (now early 30s) and have one dc who has cerebral palsy. All of the stress effected our relationship and we ended up seperating. Ex is from a big family and I'm still close to my in laws. My Mum died when I was 13 and dad died last year so they've always been the main support with dc.

BiL is in the navy and a few years younger. Don't see a huge amount of him but he's always been around and very loving with dc.
He was visiting this past week and helped me take dc to respite. After asked me what i was doing which was nothing and said he couldn't have that so we went to cinema which is in one of those leisure arcade things so ended up getting something to eat and playing some games as well. Got back to mine and almost as soon as we did started kissing and one thing led to another.

I honestly don't know what came over me. Haven't even been on a date since my marriage ended. It was intense and different from what I'm used to (don't want to be graphic but ex never focused on me). afterwards we fell asleep together. The morning was confusing as he acted almost like we were together? Made me tea and breakfast told me i was beautiful idk I liked it but the shame was fully taking hold of me by this point. Made excuses to get away but think he'd have stayed otherwise. Haven't addressed it since but he's been messaging me and saying when he can visit next.

I know this can't be a thing and i think it would never be mentioned again if I avoid him. Thing is if it was anyone else I'd do it again and so that i liked it is makinynke feel icky. He's also a few years younger which in anyone else wouldn't be a problem but because I've known him since he was younger is also making me feel wrong.

So please be straight with me because my head is all over the place

You previous relationship ended and you had a good time with an adult male who just happened to be related to your ex. I don't see there being an immediate problem. It may be more problematic if it goes any further than this in terms of you being a couple and planning future together. This may raise a few eyebrows in the family but again, not really anything to worry about at this stage or anything you can't figure out down the line.
Some men are very attentive after sex, making a breakfast and complimenting you is actually perfectly normal and doesn't at all indicate that you "are together"

Firstly I don’t think you have anything to be ashamed of. You are both single. On the other hand it really could cause huge difficulties within the family if it was to carry on. You don’t say how long you and your ex have been separated.

What do you actually want OP? Do you want to see how it goes?

Emma Grundy, is that you?

OP, it has disaster written all over it.

Of course adults would if tempers got high enough, drink was involved, Ex Bil was ‘losing’ the argument so to speak. Adults say things in the heat of the moment that they never would have done when sober/without argument

Yeah, this. Hard to manage if it ends up in the DM.

Shameless.

Why would you even go there.

Some of these responses are making me cry with laughter! Some “Pearl clutching” going on indeed! The only solution, obviously, is to head IMMEDIATELY to a nunnery and be fitted with the tightest chastity belt that you can find. Just give yourself a couple of days to process, and then see how you feel. There may be a raised eyebrow or two if you continue, but most people are more bothered by their own lives than anyone else’s.

This would be prime daily mail fodder and is very identifying due to the details about your son and this guy's job, I would ask for it to be deleted asap if I were you.

You can always start a new thread with much less identifying detail if you feel it would be helpful.

He was nice and lovely. You spend your time taking care if your disabled child. I can easily see how it happened. Don't feel bad.
He is in the navy so he won't be around that much. I'd have an upfront chat and say you don't want to hurt his family and can you stay friends.

If something does develop over time after having a friendship for a couple of years then you know it's the right thing.

You're all adults, nobody has cheated, I don't see the problem

I don't find anything too outrageous in your behaviour. You're both consenting sober adults. If it gives you the ick then don't do it again but don't feel bad about what happened either.

You deserve some enjoyable sex in your life! If not with ex BIL then elsewhere.

Uncle daddy... does he have kids because they would end up brother/sister cousins well fucked up for the kids.

I second the posters saying its unusual but NOT taboo and I am quite straight laced but even I think you're being way too hard on yourself. You're divorced, he clearly seems to think there's no issue in it and seems to think you deserve to be treated well. Don't beat yourself.up for enjoying loving sex or let feelings of shame in they're so destructive and no good will come of that. Perhaps tell him exactly how you feel and articulate it well as you have here with all the details included. You only get one life OP, in the grand scheme of the Universe this is such a minor niggle. Also good for you for self analysing so well not many people can. If you have to tell anyone tell a therapist, they can perhaps talk you through feelings around what's happened but remember you have literally done nothing wrong.

I’d say talk to him. Has he thought it through. Is it just sex? Chill out you enjoyed it. But if you know it will complicate things don’t do it again.

OP what were you thinking? 😂

I’d be mortified and dripping with shame, as I’m sure you are right now 😬

However I will say, it doesn’t sound as bad as Joe Bidens family drama 😅

This with bells on.

OP, whatever you do you need to put your kid first. If you pursue a relationship with her uncle it WILL spilt the family.

Shagging your ex Husband's brother is pretty sick, to be honest. And for a man to shag his brother's ex wife is even sicker.

Watch this doesn't get picked up by the DM. This has too many details in.

Good for you. Don't mention it to anyone but keep your eyes and ears open for more opportunities.

Very different to OPs story isn’t it.

I think people need to lay off the OP. She did nothing wrong, immoral or illegal.

She has no reason to be disgusted, sick, mortified, embarrassed and shouldn't be insulted or abused.

I'm surprised more people aren't concerned about the BIL - his character,his motivation and why he doesn't see it as crossing a boundary. She can simply walk away and have nothing to do with him. His family will always be his family.

Deplorable.

I imagine that if your parents in law get to hear about it, you will no longer have a close relationship - or any sort of relationship - with them.

This was too close and there was just no need, was there?

That is a disaster. My advice is to cop on to yourself. It cannot end well.