Offered kids dad what he wanted but on condition introduces new partners slowly

[sopwd]

He has moved in instantly after cheating. The kids saw us together last time they saw him.

It's only been two months

I said he's more than welcome to every weekend (which he asked for) on the conditions he spends one on one time with the kids, and stay at his own house with them then slowly introduces his new girlfriend. I said for example stay at your house she comes and visits for dinner or you go out to the park etc. then next time she can do both. Then the next more. Then following kids can stay at her house if he wants them too. On the condition he has time one on one with kids. By end of next month happy for him to have them at his girlfriends all the time just let them meet her and make her not a stranger first.

All of my friends and family suggested I did this too, to not get kids too attached, and scare them. It's only been a month I've been seeing this guy and he's only over after kids sleep still and it's working out well with the amount of time with kids/ new partner

Also asked for photos of beds (he had them stay before years ago and made them sleep on the floor) and never cleaned their teeth changed clothes. And they said they had nothing to do. So I said make sure you have these things

Am I unfair because hee taken a massive huff saying I make it nearly impossible for him to see the kids

I would do eow - you need fun time with the kids,

I'd be more worried about your children being accessible to a virtual stranger than your ex having no beds! They are 20 times more likely to be sexually abused now he's staying over!

What’s in it for this bloke? He meets you, finds out you have three small children, three weeks later he is staying over in your bed and getting up for work as if he lives there. It’s too much, too soon.

This is the type of situation that a Emma Tustin or Stephen Barker groom themselves into.

The pair of you need to prioritise your kids and don’t introduce them to anyone for at least 12 months.

He sounds useless but you don’t sound like a star mum yourself. Letting a new boyfriend ( and he is a boyfriend NOT a partner ) sleep over in a house with 3 very young children after a few weeks is madness. Set a better example to your children!!
Do your children never get sick and come into you in the middle of the night? You can’t be so desperate for a man you can’t wait until your children are with their father to have sex?

What the hell have I just read? OP, you both sound like utterly crap parents and the pair of you need to grow up and put your kids first. You've been dating some bloke for all of two months yet say you've introduced the kids to him slowly. How? It's been two months, at this point they shouldn't even know he exists let alone have met him. It's absolutely bonkers to introduce someone into your kids lives at the 2 month stage, you wait until you know the person better and are sure that the relationship has the potential of longevity. And as for having him stay over, fucking madness, you're either stupid, feckless or both.

@sopwd

First, you cannot 'police' his time with the children as far as his gf is concerned. He can introduce her whenever he wants and have overnights whenever he wants. I'm not saying this is a good thing because it's not, I'm just speaking realistically. So you need to back off on that.

If you want to be able to 'limit' the time the gf is with your children, then perhaps you should suggest EOW to your Ex. Unless of course, you want the DC gone every weekend so you can have your bf over. If that's your motivation, shame on you.

And why on Earth are you allowing this man to crawl into your bed and then sneak away when the children are asleep? Have you never heard of children waking up in the night because they had a bad dream, feel ill, heard a noise, or 'just because'? How would you feel if one of your DC walked into your room and there your bf was, in all his glory?

And please don't tell me you lock your door against your DC all night because that would be a 'whole other issue'. Parents may lock doors at night when they're 'busy' but I'm sure they unlock the door afterwards, that's what DH and I always did.

As far as the bed issue goes, yes, they should have beds at their dads. But there's nothing wrong with blow up beds or sleeping on the floor temporarily.