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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate the school run?

155 replies

freespirit333 · 25/10/2023 09:35

Nothing to do with the usual reasons people
hate it, like disliking small talk or playground cliques.

I hate the school run because of my own “D”C! They are so difficult to get to school, it’s less than a mile but they’re both terrible walkers so it’s scooters or bikes. If DS1 is in a good mood he’s no problem, but if he’s not he will be rude to me and wind DS2 (5) up.

DS2 is just a nightmare. He’s too tired, his legs hurt, his knees hurt, his hands hurts. His bike is too small for him, it’s too hard. DS1 has gone on ahead and not waiting for him, how dare he. A classmate dared pass him by on their bike/scooter because they’re going faster. It’s not low level whinging which I would ignore, it’s full shouting, losing temper (he has anger issues and anything sets him off), stopping in the middle of the road. I then have to somehow get him the rest of the way.

It is so tempting to just drive every day. Driving is a pain, large catchment so lots of parents drive, and local residents get really angry at the cars parked around, and we still have to walk from the car which with DS2 can take longer than the <5 minutes it should. Plus we live about 0.8 miles away.

But the DC always behave in the car.

AIBU? Do other people love the extra time with their DC in the morning? I rarely see other children behaving badly so it certainly feels like everyone else skips happily to school!

OP posts:
underneaththeash · 25/10/2023 09:36

Drive there, walk back. Most 5 year olds would whinge at that walk on a morning.

Parakeetamol · 25/10/2023 09:39

My school run is almost identical. The only way I get around the "waaaaahh dc1 is winning waaaaahh" full on meltdowns is for me to say "right, I'm sending dc1 ahead to scout for bad guys then we will be ready to attack" or similar. But it doesn't always work.

Mostly linked to hunger because dc2 refuses most breakfast unless he's been up for over an hour which isn't feasible most mornings so he has to eat at nursery despite me offering 10 million things every morning.

I've also convinced dc1 that hanging back and allowing dc2 to 'win' means that she gets special talk time with me so she is in fact winning.

It's brutal though. I always feel like I've run a gauntlet.

WASZPy · 25/10/2023 09:39

I agree, drive there walk back.

towriteyoumustlive · 25/10/2023 09:40

And what are the consequences for not walking nicely?

What is the reward for being ready on time and walking nicely to school?

If my two are ready on time, walk nicely without whinging or squabbling then they can have some screen time when they get home. And pudding!

If they are a pain then mummy is too tired and fed up to bother sorting any pudding out!

Covetthee · 25/10/2023 09:42

Its bloody awful and I am exhausted by the time i get back from the drop off’s.

the constant bickering and Watching where the split off to on the walk argghhhh

its only a 5 minute walk as well! We leave ours at 8:25 so we can be there for 8:45 door opening, on the walk back im home at 8:51 the latest!

To be honest some days i do drive esp if its raining as it causes extra hassle with the constant splashing and getting soaked 😩

Sunshineclouds11 · 25/10/2023 09:44

Why make it harder for yourself, just drive.

Original poster
freespirit333 · 25/10/2023 09:45

Funnily enough the consequence for any “fuss” on the school run is no screens after school.

But they are losing their screens every other bloody day as a result and I’m not convinced it’s effective because it’s hours later, especially for a 5 year old. What on the spot consequence can I give a 5 year old for losing his temper over nothing?!

OP posts:
Original poster
freespirit333 · 25/10/2023 09:46

Sunshineclouds11 · 25/10/2023 09:44

Why make it harder for yourself, just drive.

I’m asking myself this vey question!!! Principals? Not wanting to be judged? Also it’s good for me and DS1 to have the exercise before a day of work and school (DS1 has ADHD and exercise does wonders for him).

I wish I could take DS2 on a bike seat but I’m just too nervous, I have tried on holiday before and it didn’t go well.

OP posts:
PinkRoses1245 · 25/10/2023 09:47

please don't drive, so bad for the environment and their wellbeing. You need harsher consequences for not walking/biking nicely.

Original poster
freespirit333 · 25/10/2023 09:47

PinkRoses1245 · 25/10/2023 09:47

please don't drive, so bad for the environment and their wellbeing. You need harsher consequences for not walking/biking nicely.

I’m all ears about consequences, please help me!

OP posts:
EvilElsa · 25/10/2023 09:48

I agree with drive there and walk back for now. Pick your battles. Try again in 6 months.

buttons55 · 25/10/2023 09:49

I hate mine, I have 2 toddlers, it's the reason I'm currently learning to drive

Parakeetamol · 25/10/2023 09:49

Screen time and pudding consequences won't work as it's 10 hours later.

PuttingDownRoots · 25/10/2023 09:51

Reward for doing it without complaining instead? 5 days... packet of sweets. Whole month... £5 toy.

Original poster
freespirit333 · 25/10/2023 09:52

Parakeetamol · 25/10/2023 09:49

Screen time and pudding consequences won't work as it's 10 hours later.

Agree, as I have been trying it and it hasn’t worked! Plus, we need to work in the afternoons (grandparents collect them) and it’s a lot to expect them to be entertained relatively quietly by GPs without screens.

Plus, to be fair to DS1, he has ADHD, he does A LOT of sports clubs all week, he does need that little reset of TV or his Switch for an hour for the very small windows of time he’s not in school or at a sports club!

But I really can’t think of an on the spot consequence!

OP posts:
Original poster
freespirit333 · 25/10/2023 09:53

PuttingDownRoots · 25/10/2023 09:51

Reward for doing it without complaining instead? 5 days... packet of sweets. Whole month... £5 toy.

In theory this would be good, for example giving them a small packet of haribo if we arrive at school without issues.

But I imagine I’m already “that” mum with the badly behaved kids, I can’t give them haribo before school! Plus, so unhealthy!

OP posts:
ChevyCamaro · 25/10/2023 09:54

Most 5 year olds would whinge at that walk on a morning.
Would they? Interesting. One of mine is pretty difficult ( teen now) but at 5 walked about 1.5 miles to school and was a stoic little sweetie, chatting away. Some of my nicest memories actually the primary school run.
Don't drive OP, and don't do punishments- you are right it's not worth it hours later.
I wonder if they are just not getting enough sleep? Or enough breakfast? Definitely don't allow screens in the morning, that won't help.

ChevyCamaro · 25/10/2023 09:55

Maybe leave earlier so there's no sense of rush, and try and make it more fun? Easier said than done I know.

prescribingmum · 25/10/2023 09:55

I had one year of bliss when just DC1 was in school - we would have lovely chats as we walked in, they are generally an easy child to parent. Then dC2 started school and I have all the same problems as you.

Not sure it’s the golden solution but I just ignore all the whining and change the topic of conversation - sometimes enough to distract, others they find something within the new topic to complain about! When particularly bad, I give them a warning that if it continues, I’m walking on without them and follow through. Initially had a couple of days where they trailed along behind screaming even more until they realised they were drawing attention to themselves and it is marginally better. I refuse to drive for similar reasons and will not compromise on this.

Youngest is in second year so definitely better than it was a year ago to give you hope

Caravaggiouch · 25/10/2023 09:56

underneaththeash · 25/10/2023 09:36

Drive there, walk back. Most 5 year olds would whinge at that walk on a morning.

Less than a mile? No they wouldn’t, unless they’re used to being driven everywhere.

EvilElsa · 25/10/2023 09:57

Just ask yourself is it really worth it? You all start the day cross and frustrated, nobody enjoys it. Yes, you get a small amount of exercise, but wouldn't that be better done with enjoyment at another time of day when everyone is a bit more relaxed with no time constraints and a school day/work on the cards? Give yourself a break.

Caravaggiouch · 25/10/2023 09:57

That said, if it’s making life difficult then drive and try again in the spring but please be considerate of those who are walking and cycling with theirs! (I’m sure you are, most drivers on my walk/scoot/ride to school are not.)

MindatWork · 25/10/2023 09:58

Is your DS 2 in reception OP? My DD is about to turn five, and the first 6 weeks of the school run have left me feeling really battered as we've had tantrums left, right and centre. I'm so relieved it's half term 😞.

We had crying because we can't knock for her friend on the way up, crying because her friend has an umbrella and she doesn't, stropping if we don't go to the park, hysterics if we DO go to the park because - and it's even worse on the
way home!

We're putting it down to tiredness and general overwhelm at starting school. We're a similar distance from school as you and we've decided to drive, at least until Christmas.v

Sending solidarity!

Original poster
freespirit333 · 25/10/2023 10:00

prescribingmum · 25/10/2023 09:55

I had one year of bliss when just DC1 was in school - we would have lovely chats as we walked in, they are generally an easy child to parent. Then dC2 started school and I have all the same problems as you.

Not sure it’s the golden solution but I just ignore all the whining and change the topic of conversation - sometimes enough to distract, others they find something within the new topic to complain about! When particularly bad, I give them a warning that if it continues, I’m walking on without them and follow through. Initially had a couple of days where they trailed along behind screaming even more until they realised they were drawing attention to themselves and it is marginally better. I refuse to drive for similar reasons and will not compromise on this.

Youngest is in second year so definitely better than it was a year ago to give you hope

Thank you, DS2 is reception so I’m clinging on to that hope!

The trailing and screaming is him. Problem is he doesn’t care about drawing attention to himself and if a passerby dared try and speak kindly to him, he’d scream at them!

But yes it used to be very easy with just one child! And he isn’t an easy child!

OP posts:
prescribingmum · 25/10/2023 10:00

underneaththeash · 25/10/2023 09:36

Drive there, walk back. Most 5 year olds would whinge at that walk on a morning.

Also don’t agree with this. Both have been walking/bike/scooter the mile to nursery from 3 and then the under mile journey to school. I strongly believe the walk, fresh air and exercise are the best way to start their day