To hate the school run?

[freespirit333]

Nothing to do with the usual reasons people
hate it, like disliking small talk or playground cliques.

I hate the school run because of my own “D”C! They are so difficult to get to school, it’s less than a mile but they’re both terrible walkers so it’s scooters or bikes. If DS1 is in a good mood he’s no problem, but if he’s not he will be rude to me and wind DS2 (5) up.

DS2 is just a nightmare. He’s too tired, his legs hurt, his knees hurt, his hands hurts. His bike is too small for him, it’s too hard. DS1 has gone on ahead and not waiting for him, how dare he. A classmate dared pass him by on their bike/scooter because they’re going faster. It’s not low level whinging which I would ignore, it’s full shouting, losing temper (he has anger issues and anything sets him off), stopping in the middle of the road. I then have to somehow get him the rest of the way.

It is so tempting to just drive every day. Driving is a pain, large catchment so lots of parents drive, and local residents get really angry at the cars parked around, and we still have to walk from the car which with DS2 can take longer than the <5 minutes it should. Plus we live about 0.8 miles away.

But the DC always behave in the car.

AIBU? Do other people love the extra time with their DC in the morning? I rarely see other children behaving badly so it certainly feels like everyone else skips happily to school!

Honestly I would just drive.
if it’s easier and less tantrums then why not? To save the planet? I don’t think your car driving less than 10 miles a week is going to make a huge impact on the climate change. To exercise? Go to the park in the evening/weekend instead or go on YouTube and search for joe wicks kids exercises or just dance videos (the just dance 1s are super fun and easy for little 1s and adults).
you’ve got to do what works for you. If it means less stress and you and you all have more fun in the mornings (talking in the car or singing along to the radio) then I’d say go for it!
don’t worry about what anyone else thinks/says/does. Think about yourself and dc

If my child was complaining that much I'd buy a cheap second hand out and about buggy for the 5 year old, hes only little and if it becomes your routine then he'll soon see other kids scooting and riding bikes and change his mind. He might even have a bite to eat once he's out in the fresh air so you could pack him a cereal bar or an apple/ sandwich etc? I wouldn't drive because 0.8miles isn't far and I wouldn't want my kids to expect it. (Unless it's pouring down!) X

For the emotional outbursts have a look at the hidden chimp book, we started using it with my DD when she was 6 and it helped immensely. Also ask school for help and a referral to cahms if they think he needs it. Anxiety in kids is awful to see, my DD is 8 now and still has the occasional outburst but manages herself much better than she used to. Also picture journalling can help till he's old enough to write for himself, concentrate on the positives of the day. Favourite things that happened etc. And labelling emotions,i hadnt realised thay my DD didnt really know what to call her feelings before we stafted it (happy confident company do some age appropriate prompt journals, weve been through a couple now)
We walked to school whilst I was on maternity with DD2, she was 5 then and it was 2.5 miles. We kept busy practising spellings, counting, playing eye spy. They weren't always smooth walks but the mornings that we were organised early and had a good natter/games were definitely easier (I refused to let her take her scooter cause she moaned constantly the few times we did, negotiating the pushchair, carrying the scooter and dragging along a 5 year old was more than I was prepared to fight with at 8am!)

We had a very successful school run when my youngest started reception by looking out for the 'bears' that lived in the 'caves' (side streets/corners/paths) we encountered along the way. Tiptoeing up to them, youngest sneaking a look then ushering us forward because it was safe and the bear was asleep or sometimes telling us to run quickly past because the bear was awake and hungry. Can't take credit for it, it was entirely invented by my dad when he picked them up one afternoon but three years later we STILL sometimes look out for bears, still initiated by DC2! Needs a bit of modelling by you at first obviously but generally kids get the hang of stuff like that quite quickly!

Wrt rewards and them being delayed why not give them a token or counter or something once you get to school with no fuss? They can have it in their pencil case as a reminder during the day that a reward for a great school run is coming to them that evening. Once they've got the hang of that you could start increasing it to a certain number of tokens per week equals a reward on Friday (but never make it 5 tokens equals the reward otherwise if they don't manage it on a Tuesday they'll write off the rest of the week, build in some failure possibility and opportunities to win it back!) Also helpful if someone else is picking them up because they'll be able to show them the token and claim their reward without having to check with you or wires getting crossed etc!

Would they?? My 2yo (nearly 3) happily walks 2-3 miles under his own steam. I don’t think most 5yos would struggle with a walk of less than a mile and I think OP is right to persevere - they’ll build up stamina and resilience with practice.

If you had a bike with small wheels you may find it much easier to carry a passenger and your sim may enjoy it. You could lock your other son’s bike at school for the home journey.

Some more great tips, thank you!

I love the “token” idea, I’m going to have a think about that (or even just a few smarties or sweets!) as little but tangible rewards when we get to school. DS1 responds really well to rewards (although to be fair to him, he’s not a problem 90% of the time) but it might work with DS2 too.

Ref the Tula, DS2 would LOVE to be carried like that! He’d be so happy! He loves being on the back of DH’s bike. I need to give that another try as it’s good to have as an option towards the end of the week. I find Monday and Tuesday are usually ok (ish) with careful management, but I guess by Wednesday DS2 is tired.

@Completelywornout and thank you, you’re right as we do all of that in the car - happy chatting and singing! I had to drive them one day this week as I needed to go somewhere straight after the school run, and it was so much easier.

We used to live in a big city, school run was a bloody nightmare. A mile of moaning babies in double pushchair, moaning child scooting/walking. I'd end up getting back home near 10am stressed out and tired bracing myself to do it all again in the afternoon!

We moved to a small village. Dc go to school in next village over. School bus picks them up 2 minutes from our door at 8.10am and drops them back off at 3.15pm. Total bliss. Obviously not a realistic solution to the problem but it has certainly improved my life!

This sounds really tough, you must be exhausted! I’m lucky that I have a child who (mostly) enjoys walking although he will take the easy option if it’s available. I can also build the routine around him - I have two children but youngest goes in a buggy or the carrier. Not looking forward to the day when that’s no longer an option!

A few ideas: possibly obvious but have you asked him why he finds it so difficult? (Eg. “I can see you’re finding the journey to school really hard. Do you know why? What can we do to make it easier for you?”). I’ve done this before for something else and sometimes it doesn’t help but sometimes the answers have really surprised me and it’s been something we can implement.

Can you break up the journey with a piggy back or something If that’s fun for him and possible for you (eg. Once we get to the grass you can have a piggy back until the lamppost (best to be specific I think) then you will need to walk again - and gradually increase the amount of walking)

Can you make it into a game? I was struggling with a separate issue on the school run so we started playing a game at home called “boss mummy about” where he gets to tell me what to do for 5/10 mins and I will do it (as long as it’s not dangerous or hurting anyone!). We then agree that we will play “boss child’s name about” on the way to and from school which he usually loves.

Do you have a partner you can share the load with? That’s possibly the biggest one! Something this hard should be shared if possible!

Don't judge yourself against others, you don't get to see the hard bits of their lives.
I have a well behaved child (7) and a baby - and mornings are still a complete nightmare
Getting ready for school always involves arguments and I have to constantly remind her to actually move her feet when we're walking to school it drives me insane

All kids are annoying
All mum's are stressed

Those of you who let your DC bike or scoot on the pavement should be aware that there are elderly pedestrians too who could break a hip very easily if crashed into and knocked down. A third of adults over 50 die within 12 months of a hip fracture.

My kids are very careful of elderly/disabled pedestrians.

I don't see a lot of consideration the other way, most adult pedestrians don't give my kids any space on the pavement

Have to say I agree with you there. Very little consideration given to children on pavements!

I didn't realise we were meant to teach our kids to avoid other people on pavements. I'd been giving DD a chocolate button for each OAP she took out.

Too much Grand Theft Auto in my youth, evidently.

Leave a bit earlier and give them their breakfast on the way to school. Marmite sandwiches, chopped up fruit or veg, rice cakes, or half a wrap with a piece of cheese in it - something simple. I used to do this to get my kids to walk a similar distance - and on the way home again. They weren’t big eaters and didn’t eat a lot at lunch so they were always hangry by home time. I’d normally bring a few Nice biscuits or some rice cakes to get them moving.

have they witnessed poor coping mechanisms from you or your husband? Or you or your husband moaning about having to do things?The anger sounds quite extreme. Any likelihood of neurodiverse conditions like autism or ADHD?

I play words games with my youngest. Very high chance of ADHD/autism due to hereditary factor. He’s so engaged with the game his feet just move without him knowing.

Not sure your dentist would be too happy about the smartie stops

Cargo bike! My kids love jumping on the bike and we can load in all the school bags and scooters and also get out in the fresh air and avoid adding to congestion!

I say do whatever works for you. parents are allowed to to ‘cheat’ if it makes their life easier. I hardly ever use my car (because of climate change) so if you use your car think of it as carbon offsetting with me.

some kids go through a stage when they just hate walking.

Is it possible your children need more sleep? Although there are recommended times for different ages, some children just need more sleep than the average.

I aware that getting them to bed earlier may have its own set of problems.

These aren't really suitable if any of the school run is by road though, unless you're happy with DC being a exhaust height. UK cycle paths also aren't wide or clear enough in my experience to use them either. Shame, as they're clearly useful in countries who have invested in cycle infrastructure.

Not sure if this has already been suggested, but could you transport the youngest in one of these: https://www.trailoutdoorleisure.co.uk/folding-camping-trolley-cart.html

It's very dependent on the personality of the child at that age and not a lot to do with parenting. We have 3DC. We had approximately a mile to walk each way. DD1 was horrendous all through reception, at least partly related to DS being born prematurely two days after she started school so I was in hospital for a couple of weeks with him. She would complain constantly, shout at me, hit me, bite me every day on the way home, she didn't get to watch TV after school for months because of it. She was an absolute nightmare. Meanwhile DD2 who was just newly 3 walked twice as far (there and back twice a day) with no complaints. DS when he started school had a much shorter walk to do because we had moved house but would run ahead and misbehave so much and have so many tantrums I regularly had to carry him under my arm for his own safety.

The good news is if you persist and are consistent they eventually calm down and it becomes a pleasure. DS is now in year 6 and DH and I are both going to miss the school run.

How about a rewards jar, I've started this with my 4yr old for other issues it's working well. Amazon have various ones. At the end of the walk he gets a star to go in his jar. Mine is a small flat jar that sticks to the fridge could easily slot in your bag or he can have a sticker/ stamp on hand to show he earnt his star and pop in when home. When the jar is full he gets a reward, small toy, trip to soft play whatever floats his boat. I've got a lucky dip box of small presents (lego bags, second hand puzzles and games off vinted, boxes of those fairy cake cake mixes, kinetic sand etc) she can choose from. After the initial tantrum because she wanted all the stars NOW and the first time she didn't get a star it's been great 90% of the time. Helps to teach boundaries and they learn to work towards a reward.

I’ve not read all the responses but this might have been said.
My DC are older now but we’d distract with spotting games, how many electric cars we can count on the way in or get them both to chose a colour & see who spots the most cars or front doors in that colour. Always worked distracting mine. I know it wouldn’t work for all though ! 😆

How about they each get an audiobook to listen to? Or music?