To hate the school run?

[freespirit333]

Nothing to do with the usual reasons people
hate it, like disliking small talk or playground cliques.

I hate the school run because of my own “D”C! They are so difficult to get to school, it’s less than a mile but they’re both terrible walkers so it’s scooters or bikes. If DS1 is in a good mood he’s no problem, but if he’s not he will be rude to me and wind DS2 (5) up.

DS2 is just a nightmare. He’s too tired, his legs hurt, his knees hurt, his hands hurts. His bike is too small for him, it’s too hard. DS1 has gone on ahead and not waiting for him, how dare he. A classmate dared pass him by on their bike/scooter because they’re going faster. It’s not low level whinging which I would ignore, it’s full shouting, losing temper (he has anger issues and anything sets him off), stopping in the middle of the road. I then have to somehow get him the rest of the way.

It is so tempting to just drive every day. Driving is a pain, large catchment so lots of parents drive, and local residents get really angry at the cars parked around, and we still have to walk from the car which with DS2 can take longer than the <5 minutes it should. Plus we live about 0.8 miles away.

But the DC always behave in the car.

AIBU? Do other people love the extra time with their DC in the morning? I rarely see other children behaving badly so it certainly feels like everyone else skips happily to school!

My consequence would be that if biking/scooting isn't helping them enjoy the travelling to school, they lose the privilege of biking/scooting and have to walk.
I've had DCs teacher help when we had some issues getting to school, a team point or other reward system (they have a lot and can tailor them for children) can encourage them. Teachers influence can work wonders on some children.
If school seems like a fun exciting place to be, or there's some reward for just getting there it makes school more enticing.
So it depends on the child, sometimes a clear cut consequence will do the trick and sometimes you need a more creative reward based solution.
And don't worry about judgement or what people walking past are thinking as that'll be adding to how you respond to him. Most people may look across to see whats going on, but they aren't actually paying any real attention to the situation.

It's such a tricky situation to deal with, especially in the morning and in public.

Or just drive. I would and have 🤣.

You don’t hate it as much as I do. 🤣🤣

I have to drive ds 22 miles, then back, then the same again in the afternoon. Driving nearly 90 miles a day for him to go to pissing school.

He used to go to school 3 streets from my house! I wish he still did.

I don't think harsher consequences are the answer if he's potentially ND. My autistic child finds her sensory issues are worse and tolerance is much reduced when she's stressed or anxious about something e.g. in the morning before school and this sounds a bit like what you're describing. I would drive if it helps. If it doesn't then I would try to make the journey as similar and consistent as possible every day so he learns what to expect, e.g. do scooters every day, DS1 has to wait at certain points, a reward of some sort at the end. He might also benefit from ear defenders. He will probably settle down if he's only just started school - it is a big transition.

I'm guessing you don't have a buggy any more but I personally don't feel embarrassed using one for a ND child (or transporting him some other way). My 4yo who is the height of a 5-6yo doesn't look disabled (he is mildly) but I've never had any comments.

I've done the school run for 10 years and I'm utterly fucked off with it. This year is the last one and I'm overjoyed that DD starts high school next year.
My kids were good at being ready and out, our previous house was across the road from school so a really quick school run but it was still a PITA anyway. Particularly the pick up and clock watching ready for collection.

OMG yes @ValuableLimeLesson , my DD has also gone through the dream child > goblin pipeline since starting reception. Glad it's not just us....

Thanks posters, so many good ideas here. Love the “energy pill” smarties at certain stops! Also loving the comments to just drive, it’s certainly tempting! I won’t be making us cycle or scoot on wet days, that’s for sure.

I don’t know why I make life more difficult for myself sometimes, I do have a ND child(ren) and should just make all of our lives easier.

I also see you, fellow parents of reception starters! DS1 started reception in 2020 so I was so over the moon that he was going to school after lockdowns that I probably was fun mum on those school runs! Now that I’m 3 years deep and with a tricky second DC, I probably have become more of a fish wife.

I think driving a child a distance they can physically manage on foot/scooter/bike just because they whine about it is as poor as giving your child cake for dinner because they whine about their vegetables. Persevere, you are doing the right thing. Children whine sometimes and it's very trying, but that doesn't mean you should give in and make things easier for them when you know that what is easy isn't what is healthy for them. You're setting them up with good habits for later life. Children that are driven short distances become adults that drive short distances - it's an awful habit to develop.

I do symphathise - mine have whined and wailed all the way to school plenty of times and you just have to grit your teeth, do your best to jolly them along and know that it will get better. DS2 will get used to the expectation if you stay firm.

I forgot I often 'two feet' my DS on his scooter if he's being difficult. Essentially just pull him along. It's hard on the back but otherwise it's standing still waiting for him to move for 20 minutes.

I would persist with the walking. My DS2 sounds similar to yours at their age and I saw all these parents having a lovely time walking and mine was just whinging.

He is still a big whinger but not on the school run (old enough to take himself now!). We have only driven in extreme cases and I really feel it's better for them if you can.

So many parents here drive to school and they're not doing their children any favours. I know sometimes there's a need for work etc but it sets up a lifetime of driving short distances and is so bad for the planet.

I solved this (and all the other school run issues, like the small talk) by using breakfast club.
Admittedly, I only had 1 to get to school, but we cycled together, when the route was less busy, or he scooted and I walked. We learned to enjoy that quality time, chatting.
Plus, he liked breakfast club, and had worked up an appetite by then. He was also more willing to try different foods.
Parking is easier, on days you need to drive, too.

He's older, now, and gets on the bus, at the same time as I leave for work, and I miss our mornings!

I quite like the small talk @MockneyReject , I just wish I had the chance to chat to anyone we see on the way without my DS2 screeching about something!

We use breakfast club too, most days! It’s only about 15-20 minutes earlier than the main drop off, but yes on days I do drive them the parking is definitely easier!

@freespirit333 @SecondUsername4me

Oops, I misread the OP and thought it was a 5 min walk in total, but having re-read the post, I realise the OP was talking about the walk AFTER parking the car near-ish to the school. 🤦🏻‍♀️ 😳

If they behave better for your DH then it shows they can when there's a consequence. What does DH do differently? You don't need on the spot consequences, taking something away that evening should work perfectly fine in helping them understand that their behaviour has consequences. Are you consistent with the consequences?

This made me laugh! @MindatWork feels us, too. I've gathered from my canvassing of opinion (whinging to fellow mums waiting to drop off or collect) and from my general reading (googling to find out about other people's sudden goblins) that this is very normal for reception. Apparently, they re-humanise at some point after the first term 🤷🏻‍♀️

My DH is probably more fun than me which I imagine is the answer. There’s definitely not more consequences with him.

Also DS2 is a massive daddy’s boy. I cling on to the fact that I’m their “safe space”… lucky me.

When my youngest went through this stage in reception I got her old buggy out of the loft, I started pushing it to school and threatened that if she misbehaved she was obviously tired and therefore I'd strap her in and all her friends would see, she was horrified but it shocked her into behaving, I only had to threaten to get it out and it was enough to make her behave!
After that we used to make up a treasure hunt on the way to and from school, it was enough of a distraction to stop her from whinging!

DS2 broke our buggy when he was 3 @Creamteasandbumblebees so sadly we haven’t had one in a long time! He broke it having a tantrum, naturally.

Definitely keep up the walking. Even though I'm sure you arrive at work frazzled after such bad behaviour. Literally don't engage with DS2's nonsense. Consequences for bad behaviour. I'd go further than no screens (they don't need those anyway). Cancelled playdates, no going to a party, whatever. He is old enough to behave on a short walk.

Is a cargo bike or a family bike an option?

My son 5yo is high-functioning autistic and I'm a big fan of positive reinforcement aka bribing. Lol

I would bring some small change 20p, 50p etc and tell them they can get a coin which they can spend at the shop after school or save and give them the coin at the end of the journey to put in their bags for after school. The consequence of not travelling to school nicely is that they don't get the coin and won't be able to buy anything after school.

If he wouldn't kick/hit you, would a sling be an option? The preschool Tula has a high weight limit, and is designed for 4/5+ year olds. And if you do end up carrying him, it would help distribute his weight.

Not a usual option, but my 4 year old sometimes prefers it at the end of the day for closeness and reassurance (and because he's bone tired)

Sorry if I missed this somewhere, but is there any chance you can team up with another family, or even borrow their kids?! We would have moaning and be Very Slow if we just walked with DS1, but we walk with at least one other family, often three, and the kids spur each other on, invent games, turn into a little gang (in a good way!). The more kids we have, the better everyone's mood and behaviour.

Treat yourself to before school club. You can drive or walk there when it's much quieter outside school. They'll feed them breakfast.

@freespirit333
Can you get a sticker chart, and they get a sticker a day for walking and behaving nicely and get to pick a treat on the sat.

One way to deal with this is to set your alarm earlier and leave earlier.

Alternatively, let them mess about and feel what it's like to be late (though admittedly some kids couldn't give two hoots!)

I bloody hate scooters, somehow or another they always cause a problem on the school run!