To hate the school run?

[freespirit333]

Nothing to do with the usual reasons people
hate it, like disliking small talk or playground cliques.

I hate the school run because of my own “D”C! They are so difficult to get to school, it’s less than a mile but they’re both terrible walkers so it’s scooters or bikes. If DS1 is in a good mood he’s no problem, but if he’s not he will be rude to me and wind DS2 (5) up.

DS2 is just a nightmare. He’s too tired, his legs hurt, his knees hurt, his hands hurts. His bike is too small for him, it’s too hard. DS1 has gone on ahead and not waiting for him, how dare he. A classmate dared pass him by on their bike/scooter because they’re going faster. It’s not low level whinging which I would ignore, it’s full shouting, losing temper (he has anger issues and anything sets him off), stopping in the middle of the road. I then have to somehow get him the rest of the way.

It is so tempting to just drive every day. Driving is a pain, large catchment so lots of parents drive, and local residents get really angry at the cars parked around, and we still have to walk from the car which with DS2 can take longer than the <5 minutes it should. Plus we live about 0.8 miles away.

But the DC always behave in the car.

AIBU? Do other people love the extra time with their DC in the morning? I rarely see other children behaving badly so it certainly feels like everyone else skips happily to school!

As it’s only a five minute walk, I would insist the five-year-old walks the whole way and if he does it without any fuss today, he can go by scooter tomorrow. If he starts to fuss tomorrow, he walks the following day. A 5 min walk is nothing at all. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I used to walk 30min each way from age 5 to my Primary school and a bit less to secondary school throughout my childhood. Mum couldn’t drive, let alone own a car, so I got very wet at times.

I walked DS to primary school for 8 years without any fuss, but he just accepted that’s what you do. He has dyspraxia so can’t ride a scooter or bike as he can’t balance very easily.

I used the bike/scooters as rewards for walking nicely.
That early in the morning I could never be bothered with games but my trick was to ask them to tell me what their dream house, school.. would be like. They're so busy talking about tree house slides and flying books they forget to whinge.

My eldest was a happy scootering child who was chatty on the school run and my youngest was never a morning person no matter how much sleep they got and was irritated by everything.
I went with letting the eldest scoot in front and gave my youngest a cereal bar to eat and they got to choose music to listen to on my phone before we left. I kept the phone in my pocket and they used wired headphones so they had to walk properly to keep up with me and stay attached (and safe near roads), this usually meant they held my hand and ignored my chatter with their sibling.

Probably not perfect but it stopped pretty much all the early morning strops. That youngest wasn't grumpy in school and was very chatty on the way home, so if the eldest thought it wasn't fair they were allowed the music on the way home. They didn't often want it though as the phone had to stay in my pocket and they would rather scoot.

Have you tried offering for him to ride in a pushchair instead?

Seriously either he will love it or be embarrassed into not wanting to use it. Sounds like he wouldn't be embarrassed tbh.

What is your morning routine like, does he need more time to transition? Obviously setting off earlier will relieve the time pressure but won't improve the "not wanting" to do the walk.

Could you phone grandparents when you get to school with them with a report as to whether they get that bag of mini-haribo or other tiny thing on pick-up, make the reward more instant?

How is DS2 at school? My DD was like this and it took me a long time to work out the pattern. She is autistic but masked at school (until she couldn't anymore) and had massive anxiety over certain lessons. Now she's actually got some support in place she goes in a lot better.

Your post has brightened up my day! Not because you’re a fellow sufferer, although that’s helped. But the way you’ve written it, you have a gift!

It’s not 5 minutes, it’s just under a mile (0.8 apparently!). Both my DC are such slow walkers, DS1 would get distracted by anything. He also has dyspraxia like your DS but is very good on his bike and scooter - I think it’s one of the reasons he’s not a good Walker though.

I stopped doing it completely a few years ago due to my autism as it was making me ill by 9am each day and I then couldn’t function due to being in shutdown . It was a complete sensory nightmare which then affected my physical health as well

Since when is a mile a five minute walk? The average adult walking pace is 4 miles an hour, so for even the average adult it's 15minutes, longer for kids, and longer again if up hill / stopping to cross roads etc.

Bribe them with chocolate in the mornings. They get smarties / buttons if they get to certain points in the walk without talking.

@Jules912 it wouldn’t surprise me if DS2 is ND, given his brother and father are. He is mostly ok in school, although the playground politics have definitely changed since nursery and I think that’s tricky for him. They used to have bikes and climbing equipment, he’s always been good at taking turns and sharing. But now it’s a free for all with loads of other children (huge school) and he doesn’t like unfamiliar children playing rough with him. He’s a dream in class apparently, loves all the activities.

your mornings sound like mine. I’ve been worrying it’s just me and my DC as all around me I see children walking nicely to school without tantrums and yelling. I don’t have advice, but you’ve made me feel better just knowing I’m not alone!

Once screen time is lost then there's nowhere to go - so I'd bring in smaller, more immediate rewards - a sweet at certain points, for example. I would also bring a nice snack and a less nice snack and which they get to take into school will depend on how well they walked.

Does the school have an active travel policy? Ours give badges out when the child achieves a certain amount of walking to school (or driving a certain distance and walking the rest)? It might help to get the school on board?

Lastly, are there any friends on the way you could walk with - a peer is an amazing way to stop whiny bad behaviour, even better if they are walking with a dog or something exciting?

It will get better. Please do not drive and set in train lazy children.

Yep hate the school run, I’m counting down the minutes to half term. I have two school runs to do so have to take the car, but there’s no chance of walking to the closest school if the other was off. Even taking the car is a pain, the eldest is a faffer - somehow despite personally making sure his bag is fully sorted leaving the house, he’s manages to (eventually) get out of the car with it open, things falling out, looking for his book for breakfast club, drink bottle already half empty, lunch box in the footwell, coat half way off, me begging for him to shift his backside…. just have to take deep breaths, I remember how much I don’t like mornings myself and just think about my reward for getting through 10 school runs a week (several glasses of wine when they’re at their dad's 😂).

Oh and my kids aren’t ‘lazy kids in the making’ like a lovely PP suggested. They’re both ND and you got to do what you got to do to get through the day.

Get a 3 wheeler buggy for the 5yr old. It will give you options when he's messing around.
Keeling walking will be good for you and your older dc.

My son was like this. Used to stand still and scream at the top of his voice if he got upset. But we noticed quite a few others that behaved similarly in reception so it's not that unusual.

No bribes or punishments worked. Distractions were best, and sometimes I accepted I was going to be late with my day as getting stressed made the problem far worse.

He's in year 1 now. Still has 'go slow' days, particularly near end of term, but much better overall.

Keep persevering it’s hard but gets better and good for you for not driving. If you can get there on foot then keep it up :)

Could getting a buggy help? Or one of those tricycles you can push? Or would they complain about that being childish?

I always had to walk to school from 4-18 and I think it did me the world of good.

I think it being the first term of reception for your DS2 won't be helping. My DD1 was previously a compliant dream child, and since she started reception she has become a very tired little goblin who will argue the toss about the colour of the sky and the grass. I'm hoping that she'll re-civilise at some point, but until then, I'm on a learning curve of tuning out the low-level whinging so that I'm not already peeved by the time she brings out the big guns.

But YANBU to hate having to spend that part of your morning hating feeling like a sheepdog, herding kids to school. It's the bit of parenting that we didn't imagine before we got here!

@spitefulandbadgrammar sleeper agent of bellendery YES

OP absolutely identify, although mine is just 3 and it’s the ‘preschool run’ dear God when he’s on one, it’s sheer hell. I have the opposite problem in a way in that he’s just wild with adrenaline and overstimulation, can’t seem to listen, will scoot off in all directions. With 17mo in the pushchair it is a nightmare to keep track of him and I genuinely feel like I have experienced a major ordeal before I even get to my desk at 9am, then knowing I’ve got to repeat it all at 3pm, dreading being taken to the side to be told in hushed tones about who he has exploded on during the day. Ugh. Half term has been great, no explosions, no overstimulation, happily scooting 5 miles a day and listening perfectly. I feel like school-style education has ruined my kid, and the school run is just the start of the rollercoaster of despair that runs its course through the week…
That said, I would absolutely keep walking and scooting because I hate driving and I hate the other driving parents parking nightmarishly on the pavement, never letting us cross the road, causing massive traffic jams all over the tiny village etc. Scoot-wise have you tried the ‘can you manage to scoot AND eat this apple’ game? Raise blood sugar and make progress…

We used to have places we gave 'energy pills' - a single smartie - to dd at various consistent points on a much longer regular walk. The next one would be withdrawn for moaning but then they'd restart at the next stop so there was still an incentive to get on with it! Boundaries, bribery and consistency plus interaction - keeping busy chatting/ looking for blue cars/ running to next lamp post - meant it went smoothly

Tell him he walks, rides or scooters without whinging or you get a gold star and stars make prizes

so 2 gold stars = something nice
so 4 gold stars = something even nicer

its up to him whether he cashes in the gold stars at 2 or waits

I don’t know if this is too much to ask of school, but could you co-opt his teacher into managing the behaviour? Maybe the teacher could have a word with him. Congratulate him if he’s managed to go to school without having a tantrum? Ask him to come to school without messing around and then praise him?

Kids are often more willing to please their teachers than their parents. I don’t know if this would work or if he is too young to understand.

And issues at school may be part of the problem so I think it’s worth involving the teacher.

@ValuableLimeLesson Yes! My very good, sweet, obedient DD started reception and transmogrified. The other day she tossed her hair at me and said, “I’m four, I’m at school, I can do whatever I want now – play with the sharp knives, fire, have money. Whatever!”