To hate the school run?

[freespirit333]

Nothing to do with the usual reasons people
hate it, like disliking small talk or playground cliques.

I hate the school run because of my own “D”C! They are so difficult to get to school, it’s less than a mile but they’re both terrible walkers so it’s scooters or bikes. If DS1 is in a good mood he’s no problem, but if he’s not he will be rude to me and wind DS2 (5) up.

DS2 is just a nightmare. He’s too tired, his legs hurt, his knees hurt, his hands hurts. His bike is too small for him, it’s too hard. DS1 has gone on ahead and not waiting for him, how dare he. A classmate dared pass him by on their bike/scooter because they’re going faster. It’s not low level whinging which I would ignore, it’s full shouting, losing temper (he has anger issues and anything sets him off), stopping in the middle of the road. I then have to somehow get him the rest of the way.

It is so tempting to just drive every day. Driving is a pain, large catchment so lots of parents drive, and local residents get really angry at the cars parked around, and we still have to walk from the car which with DS2 can take longer than the <5 minutes it should. Plus we live about 0.8 miles away.

But the DC always behave in the car.

AIBU? Do other people love the extra time with their DC in the morning? I rarely see other children behaving badly so it certainly feels like everyone else skips happily to school!

I started the school run in 2006 and I am still doing it 17 years later and it's still shit. I have walked it, driven it and bussed it and never has it been simple. I hate it too, because my all three of my DC are not morning people. Commiserations and I feel your pain.

Now I'm thinking maybe we could try scavenger hunts along the way. Not sure what we would do after the first few days but it might be worth a try. 2 points for spotting a squirrel, 5 for spotting a school mum who can't see over the steering wheel of her Porsche cayenne, 10 points for avoiding puddles in school shoes.

Obviously that would create a meltdown once you got to school about who won but at least you'd be there.

Try cutting the day to day consequences. "Let's see who can make it to school without any complaints and if you can - there'll be a reward at the end of the day", whether that's dessert, screen time, whatever their thing is. I think giving consequences for not enjoying something we don't even enjoy is just making more stress and work for you. You can't make them enjoy it, it's grim especially on cold morninge, but what you can do is try and distract them with dangling carrots. Play games on the walk, anything really to distract them from the fact they'd really rather not be doing it. We used to choose a colour car and see how many we could spot, whoever got closest to 10 won. Of course I'd always not spot a few of them!

But what you've tried re consequences isn't working - so try something else. Drop them for a bit so they lose the association that it's something that can result in punishment, or drive there and walk back as suggested. It's bloody rough, I'd be revving my engine with no regrets 😅

From your first post, I feel like we have the same second child🤣

Mine has all the same traits - right down to the hands hurt, seat is too hard, knees hurt! When he wants to complain, he will find something without fail!

I hate the school run too, I don’t drive so it’s a bus ride away and it’s always packed, it’s so unpleasant. I also have a school refuser so mornings are difficult and my son is always in a bad mood as he hates school. Can’t wait till it’s over been told I will miss it when I can’t do it anymore but no way will I ever miss it! Obviously people who don’t have school refusers are the ones saying I will miss it.

What do you mean your five year old has 'anger issues'?

What's going on with him? No child of that age has anger issues, behaviour is communication. If he's emotionally disregulated you need to get to the bottom of why and sort out the root cause.

Tbh if they winge and moan on scooters and bikes then surely that is the natural consequence? Can't scoot/ride without huffing? No scooter/bike tomorrow - walking it is!!

I do sympathise on the school run btw, my two were similar ages with a similar walk. I can definitely remember having a strap to physically pull the youngest along on her micro scooter because she whinged about the hill.

Recently we went on a day put and halfway through my 8 yo started getting really cranky, afterwards we were talking and realised we’d walked so far and his little legs were taking 3 times the steps ours were. 5 is so young and so teeny but I’m secretly commending you on not taking the car!!! I’d say in general people who walk kids to school would have mostly not very easy experiences, yes some kids will smile, skip and chat, but I’d say they’re in the minority!

I used to stop dead and hold their hands if they started messing about. It was a bit embarrassing and involved keeping them within catching distance at all times which was hard but it was very effective as a behaviour management strategy. The beauty of it is you can do it again within seconds if they don't behave. Once screentime is lost you have no further hold on them for that day unless you start lining up screen bans till they're 21 which rapidly gets unworkable.

Maybe abandon the scooter and bike and just walk. That way there's no "he got ahead of me" arguments because you are all walking together.
Chat on the way to school, play eye spy, collect conkers, try and spot regular things ("Good Morning Orange Cat").
The little one might get a bit moany and draggy at first but if needs be you can pick him up and carry (only if desperate) - but at least you won't also have a bike/scooter to carry too.
I live literally across the road from the primary school....my daughter was frequently late 🙄

Yes reception! He’s a recently turned 5, but to me feels very young. Sadly the temper isn’t that unusual for me at least, they do behave much better with DH, and we do split the school runs so it’s 2-3 times a week that I do it depending on our work commitments.

To those commenting on the walk, when DS2 was not even 2 he was a walking powerhouse, he’d walk (run!) over a mile no issues, and when he was at nursery on my days off he’d scoot on the school run with me there and back twice a day! That feels like a distant dream now!

I think a reward doesn't always have to be tangible. Have you tried the 'can you get to the postbox before me?' Sorts of things? The reward could be to post a letter in it. Being rockets (5,4,3,2,1 blast off to the red car at the corner) and that kind of thing? Playing all the way to school is exhausting but worked sometimes.

If you want to reward with food you could take a handful of Cheerios- it's breakfast after all. Ultimately though it's a phase and will pass, and is worth pushing through in my view.

The offer/bribe that’s packet of sweets will be waiting for them at school pick up !

I think there are lots of good reasons to persist with walking/scooting/biking:

The environmental impact
Getting fresh air and exercise
Normalising walking short distances so that they are more likely to become adults who don't drive everywhere

That said, I definitely sympathise with finding it hard.

Do they get enough sleep/breakfast? Do you leave enough time?

Could you ditch the scooters and bikes and just concentrate on walking? What about doing breakfast on the way, toast triangles, homemade flapjack, French toast types of things as distraction. Maybe a little flask of hot chocolate (I know not ideal!) if you get halfway and they've behaved.

I wouldn't allow the dawdling, if your DS doesn't walk nicely you make him hold hands, if he shouts and moans just ignore him.

I wish I knew. He came out of the womb angry and has had huge, emotional outbursts ever since. When he’s happy he’s happy, when he’s angry (and these days any little thing can set him off) he explodes. He is an anxious boy too, worries about things before they happen and a lot of his anger is down to worry and anxiety.

Eldest is ND, so I imagine DS2 could be, but it doesn’t change the fact that I have to manage him. We talk about feelings a lot, we have books, we talk about what we can do when we’re angry. But when the red mist descends (and it will descend because of something small and often unavoidable) he doesn’t want to take deep breaths or hit a pillow.

How about games on the way? I spy with my little eye, a list of things to collect, eg a bird, a yellow car, a red flower, tongue twisters eg she sells sea shells on the sea shore, I went to market and I bought... with an increasing list of things to remember. Might distract from a tantrum at least!

Loads of great ideas, thank you posters. I’m conscious that I’m probably not “fun” on the school run. I do chat to my youngest especially and try and distract him lots and make him laugh, but it doesn’t seem to work.

Games are a good idea though, I just need to go into a dark room and try and find my inner fun as I definitely don’t feel like a fun mum at the moment! Little treats are a good idea too, a flask of hot choc would go down very well!

Oh yes being 'fun mum' is not easy. Definitely a fake it til you make it type deal. It does work though.

Yes, one of mine was a demon scooter at 3, the eldest would have been okay, but slower and DD would have been a nightmare.
But the OP has tried walking and it's not working, generally when something isn't working you try something else.

Another idea - what about a story to listen to, read out loud on your phone? Probably easier than thinking up games!

But the OP has tried walking and it's not working, generally when something isn't working you try something else
Well. Yeah, but sometimes you need to walk, just to get somewhere. One of mine hated getting buses, but sometimes we had to as we had no car at the time. I don't think " because they don't want to" is a good reason to stop doing something essential as walking.
Although they bike and scoot anyway, so, I agree with a pp and leave the bikes etc behind OP.

I fucking hate it, it’s worse than pissing around at bedtime. However compliant and sweet DD is the rest of the time, it’s like she’s a sleeper agent of bellendery whose trigger phrase is “Please put your school shoes on”. Everything from then on is fuckery until we reach the gate, when she whispers “Don’t tell my teachers”. 🤬

She goes to a lovey small idyllic infants school 20 minutes’ walk away but I’m going to send DC2 to the massive shit academy round the corner just to cut down on this hateful portion of the day.

I agree. Walking places is a part of life not an optional extra