This dress is NOT appropriate.

[LReo]

My niece, who is 13, sent me a link to this dress saying she would like it for Christmas. I replied saying I don’t think it’s appropriate as it’s clearly an adults dress, the neckline is too low and where would she even wear it?

She’s now really annoyed with me, saying I don’t respect her personal style and all of her friends wear similar. I’ve messaged my niece’s mum and dad who agree with me and are trying to talk to her, but she’s insisting I’m wrong and has now got the hump.

AIBU?

What I find disturbing (as a woman) is walking at night through the town centre and watching all these hypersexualized girls who look like their attending the next Las Vegas porn awards while their male counterparts are dressed pretty “normal” like most teenage guys in baggy clothes. If everyone was dressed like porn stars (both male and female) I would think ok it’s just a “trend”, but the fact only girls are doing it makes me think there’s a very sexist element to it, and that’s what disturbs me.

Oh, for definite. That is offputting. I think that nights out have always been like that, though: girls have been wearing very revealing/sexy outfits for as long as I can remember. I'm like you, I never did. I never really liked how my body looked, and the last thing I wanted was to be in super sexy clothes.

I believe you can totally like your body and not feel the need to dress like a porn star.

beatrix1234
**
I believe you can totally like your body and not feel the need to dress like a porn star”

This, x10. Minding my own business looking for a bedspread on Marketplace, I was suddenly looking at a photo of Scarlet Johanssen in what was more or less what used to be called a body stocking. No idea why? Not much to do with bedspreads.

I digress. Why would a successful, talented, long-established actor feel the need to appear on the red carpet at the Golden Glibes looking like that? Frankly, what my aged mum would call a slapper. Yes, feminism, all for it. But is that really reduced to showing your nipples and tiny knickers through a gauze?

In this case I can totally see why an actress would dress so revealing, you want those flashes hitting you, you want your picture on the news, that’s how acting careers work. You want to remind producers and the public in general that you’re still a hot thing while promoting your last movie. I get it. Johanssen is no Meryl steep, she tends to play sexy roles. Definitely not the case of all the young girls walking in my town centre at night, they are not actresses and they’re not promoting any movie.

Beatrix1234

Have you seen that particular photo (sorry, not sure how to link). I’m nearly 60, certainly no nun, danced on my share of tables, but I was gobsmacked. She may as well have been naked with tiny pants on. Just not attractive. Whatever happened to mystery?(which is far sexier, IM- humble - O)

@MrsSkylerWhite Frankly, what my aged mum would call a slapper.

Calling someone a slapper is slut shamming at its best, a terrible thing to do. This is what the patriarchy has been doing for centuries in order to put women on its place and control them. I’m not slut shamming these young girls by any means (that would be an awful thing to do), I’m just disturbed at the fact that the “porn trend“ ihas only been adopted by girls and not boys.

Okay.

When was the last time you saw a prominent male actor on the red carpet in equivalent clothing, @beatrix1234, other than Sacha Baron-Cogen in his mankini . You’re being disingenuous. I’m not “slut shaming” at all. I’m asking, why the fuck in 2023 does an hitherto respected, successful actress feel that she has to dress like that?

To get work. Obviously. My whole point. Why should she have to?

I don't think it's that bad actually. It wouldn't look like that on a 13 year old. And yes they do dress like that. My daughter is 14 and last year before Christmas she kept asking me for this style of dress. I kept asking her where would she wear it. She told me she'd wear it for Christmas Dinner or New Years Eve. (We do like to dress up for these occasions). Case closed. I'd allow her to wear this at home.

And then we wonder why so many girls would rather be boys?

That’s a good point actually. I yet have to see Colin Farrell pop up in the red carpet with a sheer suit. Johanssen has always played “very sexy characters”, that’s her “niche”, Meryl Streep she’s not, that’s why she’s been casted for many films (she can act too, yes), but sometimes being very pretty and niche’ing yourself as a little sex bomb will work against you because after a certain age and once you’re past the “hot young thing” phase you stop getting roles. By appearing in the red carpet dressed that way she’s pigeon holing herself even more in “sexy roles”. I don’t see her career surviving on the long run.

Not the point of the thread obviously but I haven't seen Scarlett Johansson in a "sexy role" for a long time, she's been making the transition to film festival fodder for quite a while outside of being Black Widow.

Let’s reframe this.

13 year old girl, in a tale as old as time, picks out a dress which is definitely marketed at older girls but she wants to be pretty like them and thinks this will be no prob as it’s long and plain (compared to the rest of the Oh Polly website). Adults get uppity and tell her it’s inappropriate and she isn’t getting it. 13 year old reacts in a perfectly normal textbook way for a disappointed 13 year old and tells them they don’t ‘respect her style choice’ (which is just a fact). Adults ‘double down’ and make her feel even more shit.

There was absolutely no need for any of the hysterical drama about this. And it certainly isn’t the 13 year old who is the problem here imo.

I’m with you on that one @Screamingabdabz. I can’t believe the hysteria over a teenager doing exactly what teenagers have always been known to do. Who knew everyone else had such perfectly behaved teenagers all the time. I must be an outlier because I neither have nor was one.

I'm just laughing at the memory of skirt over baggy jeans 🤣🤣🤣

What hysteria? Sounds really hyperbolic to me, saying you think something is rude is hardly hysterical.

When buying for any underage kid, their parents have the final say.

Omg!! Thats the first thought i had!
I'd be telling her to jog on 😂

Since when did nieces ask their aunts for unsuitable dresses, then become huffy when aunt says no?

Sounds like a load of bollocks to me.

What she doesn’t realise is that she’ll look ridiculous in it unless she has the figure of the model.

I mean, it's not appropriate at all but I'm sure you remember being 13 and, well, she's going to think she knows best, right?!

It means get moody or grumpy.

Ha - I remember staying with my uncle and aunt when I was 15 and my uncle insisting I button my blouse right up to the top because otherwise I'd get ogled ! He'd have had a heart attack at that dress.

But obviously I'm 100yrs old and time have changed, however to my mind a 13yr old child would apart from anything else look ridiculous in that and it's a horrible dress. I would feel uncomfortable seeing a 13yr old child in that dress, but maybe I'm not a good judge because my DD was very small and thin at 13 and very much a 'child' rather than a teen.

I would head over to style and beauty and see if the fashionable people over there can come up with something more appropriate for you to sell your niece the idea of.

It's not appropiate for wearing to the park,how would she sit on a swing even? Its not appropiate to meet up with her pals to go to the cinema,clothes shopping,sitting around her pals house for girly chats,not even appropiate to walk downstairs and sit with mum and dad to watch the telly..Im 100% sure a fair few dirty old men would love to see such a young girl waltzing along the street wearing it or trying to run up the stairs on a bus...ok im being a bit tongue in cheek but shes 13..shes not the adult in the house and under my roof she does as shes told or its stay in your bedroom till you learn who the parent/parents are...