This dress is NOT appropriate.

[LReo]

My niece, who is 13, sent me a link to this dress saying she would like it for Christmas. I replied saying I don’t think it’s appropriate as it’s clearly an adults dress, the neckline is too low and where would she even wear it?

She’s now really annoyed with me, saying I don’t respect her personal style and all of her friends wear similar. I’ve messaged my niece’s mum and dad who agree with me and are trying to talk to her, but she’s insisting I’m wrong and has now got the hump.

AIBU?

Can you clarify what you mean?

It certainly can’t be that you think an eleven year old child could look sexy.

I’ve only heard phrases like ‘you can see what you had for breakfast’ from misogynists.

It looks tacky, dresses displaying too much flesh rarely look elegant (not referring to sun dresses, obviously)

beatrix1234 · 24/10/2023 23:12

At 13 I got in trouble with mum for wearing very baggy sex pistols t shirts, ripped jeans and a dog collar. The whole aim was to “scare people”. The uglier I looked the better. She would have none of it. Nowadays teenage girls want to look like porn stars which I don’t understand as there’s nothing “rebellious” about looking
like a hyper sexual living doll. I have a hard time figuring out why this is happening.

The series and lady called Kim Kadashian ? I think this is where its come back into the ether although we used to all roll our school skirts up after school so they were super mini just look back and worry why we craved the attention and I see it still happens today

I disagree, if a tall and slim woman wore that it could look elegant.

Frankly @beatrix1234 you sound like you were an “alternative” 13 year old, which has never been a popular look - I doubt all the girls in your school channelled that aesthetic as it isn’t mainstream. Your “rebellious” way wasn’t any better than girls these days either - dog collars are part of bondage gear, no? So in a way 13 year olds wearing a dog collar channel “porn star” “hyper sexual living doll” energy too, hence why your mum didn’t appreciate it…

Women from the beginning of time have strived to look attractive rather than scare people or be rebellious - gender conditioning didn't start with Kim K @Darlingx after all, nor is it exclusive to the younger generation. It never went away. If anything, people like Kim K just took advantage of pre-existing gender stereotypes. There’s more pressure on young people to match up in 2023 vs whatever decade you grew up in due to social media.

Good grief. The model's breasts are not "half out."!!

I mean that some outfits aren't suitable for children and that's one of them . She's not a teenager yet

Would look completely different on a 13 year old, she will probably wear it with a hoodie and trainers. This is what my dd would have dine with it. I remember having a similar conversation when my dd wanted to go shopping with her mates at 13. The dress she bought, I did raise my eyebrows at, but by the time she'd styled it, she looked lovely and age appropriate.

Actually I've seen a teen version of that from New Look 9-15 in the past and it looks fine on them. Perhaps compromise with a similar style that's more aimed at that age group? At 13, she won't look like that in it anyway! Definitely a trip to New Look though!

It’s interesting that young teenagers now get to mature alongside the gaze of social media. I think it’s worth putting some boundaries there to slow things down even if they rebel against it or do u educate . I watching the Gaia documentry and I think of onlyfans culture and it really scares me that the same dangers never go away. The wolves and Red riding hood . I am afraid it’s still very much existing all the traps are there for youth and Beauty . I wonder if one day we see the body as a whole. It can be strong very stoic and healthy disease free and this is a great asset just to be Healthy and strong with good mental health and intuition. I don’t think we teach young women enough to tap into their guided intuition of what is truly going to serve their needs . We get them so distracted as commodities of insecurity based on the external outward stuff.

I do not like that women’s (and girls’) clothing is hypersexualised and have had many a conversation with my 14yo that no, she doesn’t simply just like dresses like that, it has been marketed to her, and she’s been groomed by society. Quite interesting conversations really.

But, do not underestimate how much these teen girls are dressing for themselves.

My 14yo and her friends get ready for parties at my house as we’re very central and I’m the mug who drives them! There is a marked difference in what they choose to wear to:

• Groups of close girl friends
• Groups of wider girls from school
• Mixed sex

They wear their tightest / shortest / lowest cut outfits when it’s just the closest girl friends. They don’t want to wear them in front of the boys. They want to dress up and enjoy them without thinking about the boys.

The very same girls are also wearing baggy flared jeans, converse shoes and over sized hoodies on other days.

I have an issue with my daughter thinking that attractive = showing skin/curves, but then she’ll also come in wearing parachute pants and an over sized baggy knitted jumper saying, “I look so good!” So it’s really not the only message she’s taken on.

I also think every adult that doesn’t think children should wear “sexy” clothes, should look at their own wardrobe and reflect on the messages they are giving their own daughter. Sure, someone will come at with me with, “different for adults”. But bottom line, if you’re dressing to look sexy, how different is it? And if you say, “I’m dressing for me though” - well, why don’t a teenager be dressing for themselves?

It's just a long dress. Her body I'm assuming is not like that edited pic so it won't look like that on her. Will just be a light coloured long dress.

Stick to your guns - you're absolutely right! She'll get over it.

I would give her the money and let her parents supervise what she buys.

@gossipgurl If anything, people like Kim K just took advantage of pre-existing gender stereotypes. There’s more pressure on young people to match up in 2023 vs whatever decade you grew up in due to social media.

it’s the girls looking like porn stars, not the guys, It’s the girls who feel they need to objectify themselves offering a hyper sexual version of themselves dressing like walking living dolls, not the guys. This is what I find disturbing, the sexism, the fact that all the pressure on looks is put on girls, not boys. Boys don’t care how they look, they are not meant to be eye candy, they are not meant to turn into a hyper sexual version of themselves on the weekends, nor walk in a very short and revealing dress in the middle of the cold standing on a 7 inches high heels they can barely walk. Boys are practical, they don’t engage in that shyte, that’s for women, they’re eye candy, the ones that have something to prove.

Sexism at its core, this is how women are being “controlled”, through their looks.

What a terrible time to be a teenager, I’m so glad I grew up without mobile phones or internet.

It's pretty horrible. Ask DN to sent a few more items she likes so you hopefully choose something else.

She has the hump. So what. This is the reality of being the adult, we say no and kids don't like it but thats how it is. You didn't do wrong.

I have seen lots of teens with long straight fitted dresses like this, with either DM's or trainers and a casual jacket, they don't look anything like the model as totally different shape.

Perhaps just give her some money.

The the thing is lots of girls now wear push up/padded bras with these dresses, so they are spilling out of the top like the model! This over sexualisation is what concerns me as it sends out a message that lads and men will read in a way that may not have been seriously intended. As much as I want my daughter to be able to wear what she wants without being worried about attracting unwanted male attention, unfortunately she can’t.

At 13 you can say no to the dress and look for an alternative you both agree on, but it’s not easy.

Most 13 tear old girls I know are wearing skin tight dresses that literally only just cover their knickers! So this us quite tame in comparison!

The dress is sultry n sexy and most definitely NOT appropriate for a 13 year old who us still a child. If her parents or aunty give in, then they will be to blame if anything untoward happens to this CHILD. Why do young girls feel the need to grow up so fast nowadays......!!!!!!!

As a single dad, that will never be appropriate for my daughter

Do you think you’d like it if you were married and/or a mother?

No need for that, the clue is in his username.