This dress is NOT appropriate.

[LReo]

My niece, who is 13, sent me a link to this dress saying she would like it for Christmas. I replied saying I don’t think it’s appropriate as it’s clearly an adults dress, the neckline is too low and where would she even wear it?

She’s now really annoyed with me, saying I don’t respect her personal style and all of her friends wear similar. I’ve messaged my niece’s mum and dad who agree with me and are trying to talk to her, but she’s insisting I’m wrong and has now got the hump.

AIBU?

I would never have got the hump with an adult who was not my parent and if I did I would have got in trouble for being rude.

Another method to use instead of saying no is OMG thats lovely - I'll think I'll get one too and we can be twins... 😂 It's worked several times over on my DD.

@aSofaNearYou of course teenagers get into trouble if and when they “get the hump”, but that doesn’t mean they won’t do it in the first place.

But that's what people are saying, isn't it? She was being a brat by doing it and should be told off...

And I definitely would not have done it in the first place. With my parents, maybe, but not with anyone else.

Getting the hump with mum/teen siblings? Constantly.
Getting the hump with kind aunt suggesting a gift? Reeks of brat-attack.

I would buy it because it won't look like that on her, if she's not shapely it won't look sexy like that

Exactly. It's also very long and not particularly revealing. This just sounds like a 13 year old wanting a 'grown up' dress, which is quite normal.

She’s rude, she’s ‘a madam’, a brat, she should be left to sulk, who cares if she’s got the hump… etc. etc…. What nasty posts about some poor kid who just said she might like a very plain long tube dress, probably to look a bit grown up…

No wonder so many clueless parents clash with their teenagers. 🙄

Best response 😂

YANBU, but it might be an idea to steer her in the direction of a dress which is similar but more age-appropriate. That dress is a beautiful colour, could you perhaps look at sweater dresses in a similar colour but less figure hugging? I think as well that you need to go a bit carefully with policing her clothing (this is really more her parents' business than yours, of course) While I agree with you that the dress isn't suitable for a thirteen year old, I've seen girls that age in far, far worse. If her parents could praise her sense of style and compliment her a bit rather than being all 'you're not going out dressed like that, young lady', then that might get better results.

This is very harsh wording. I sort of see where you are coming from, but it seems inappropriately shaming. Teens are conformist. The Kardashians/Jenners, Love Island, and Tik-Tok stars are where a lot of them get style inspiration, so that is why they want to dress in these rather risque outfits.

Couldn't you have put it gentler, that's quite a grown up look, I'll check with your mum.

Tbh lots of teens wear body con, short skirts or hot-pants, naval showing etc, she's just following a crowd.

It's only inappropriate if adults make it so.

I have a 13 year old and to be honest I don't think the dress is that bad.
I know it's an adult dress, and shows all her figure, but I'm ok that my daughter wants to show her figure if it's occasion appropriate.
I am relieved that as my daughter has developed she feels generally happy about her body and pleased with how she sees herself.
Without her specifically saying so I see that she is just as happy and confident in baggy jeans a t-shirt and no makeup which she wears at school as she is when she wears tight fitting tops and makeup when doing something special.

My 13 year old would have looked like Jessica Rabbit in that. She was taken as being 21 when she was 15, and when she was TWELVE, I was having to hiss at grown men leering at her in a restaurant as she and her sisters walked to the loo, to say, 'she's twelve years OLD, you perves'.

I'd be saying, 'it's a lovely dress, for someone a touch older, with a somewhat different social life to what a 13 year old has. But no dear, I'm not buying you that'. (Which is what I had to say a hell of a lot to my teen daughters. . .)

The model in the pic is very curvy indeed, do many 13 year olds have such grown-up figures? For posters who've said their teenage daughters wear similar, what do these dresses look like on?
If i remember my long ago teenage years we were either straight up and down or decidedly lumpy. I was in the latter category.

@MrsSkylerWhite as far as I am concerned there should be a government programme where all 12 year olds get a pony or some other similar animal until they are 18. keeps them busy and occupied.

She didn't 'just say she'd like a very plain long tube dress' did she though?

She told her aunt which specific dress she wanted, then "got the hump" when told no. She accused her aunt of not respecting her personal style, and was really annoyed with her.

My kids have been brought up with good manners, and I've never clashed with them, and since one is 27 and one is nearly 16, and I have an excellent relationship with both, I'd say I'm far from clueless. I just refused to give into their every demand, and would've doubled down on that if they'd been rude.

@ icechocs

That has to be the best response

Sorry but I disagree, teens are rebellious by nature. I'm in my 50's so I was a punk rocker in my teens, it was very rebellious, very sex pistols and very anti-system. Looking ugly, used clothes and sticking a middle finger to the establishment. Good ol days. These girls nowadays dress like porn stars (with all due respect to porn stars), but that's how they dress. Hyper sexualised walking dolls in very revealing clothes, the long nails, the super high heels and counting the days they can get fake breast implants and botox. In the meanwhile their male counterparts dress baggy clothes and don't bother to objectify themselves like their attending some sort of erotica wards convention.

Where did feminism go so wrong?!! Why are these girls dressing like sex bombs nowadays?

I sort of know what you mean, but I don't think it is quite as prevalent as you suggest. I think that the pressures are very different now, in some ways things are worse, as you say, but in other ways they are better. I think that the craze for extreme thinness is much less than it was in my day (I'm in my early forties, so Kate Moss was at her peak and heroin chic was in, followed by the early aughts and the size zero craze) I honestly think that that is every bit as damaging as wearing tight, revealing clothes. One could also say that wearing very baggy clothes and looking 'ugly' is a kind of uniform. I think that one is the inverse of the other, two sides of the same rather than diametric opposites.

Why are you worried about a 13yo having the hump with you?
She's a kid. Ignore it.

Wearing baggy clothes send a strong message to the universe: I'm a woman comfortable in my skin enough that I don't need to put in public display my boobs and ass, I have many attributes and being eye candy for the guys is just not one of them. I honestly don't care if guys find me attractive or not because for me beauty is on the inside. Want to know more about me: you'll need to get to know me. A man who engages with me because I'm dressing as a hyper sexualised version of myself with public display of tits n ass is not the man I want to attract.

That doesn't mean we should all dress like nuns, not at all. It's nice to look fit, healthy, show you take care of yourself and wear clothes that fit properly or enhance our skin colour or body type. Someone need to teach these young girls that their value as a woman doesn't rely on their looks nor their sexuality.

Yea I've seen loads of early teen girls wearing quite tight dresses under those over sized coats/jackets around here - and we are a very non-trendy little Scottish village! It's def a trend.

On balance, I think you're right. I try not to judge people by appearance too much, but I will admit that I find the pornification of culture a bit worrying. I'm constantly torn between feeling that what other people wear is none of my business and if they are happy, who am I to judge?/and feeling that their clothing choices aren't made in a vacuum, and that the very overtly sexualised look is a bit disturbing.

Fucking hell, she'll be asking for scrunch bum leggings next