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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

This dress is NOT appropriate.

257 replies

LReo · 24/10/2023 22:40

My niece, who is 13, sent me a link to this dress saying she would like it for Christmas. I replied saying I don’t think it’s appropriate as it’s clearly an adults dress, the neckline is too low and where would she even wear it?

She’s now really annoyed with me, saying I don’t respect her personal style and all of her friends wear similar. I’ve messaged my niece’s mum and dad who agree with me and are trying to talk to her, but she’s insisting I’m wrong and has now got the hump.

AIBU?

This dress is NOT appropriate.
OP posts:
Riverlee · 25/10/2023 03:30

Teens have been wearing this style of dress for years for parties etc, and at least this is longer than most.

hijklmnke · 25/10/2023 03:38

Berushni · 24/10/2023 22:46

It's not going to look like that on a thirteen year old

This.

I think it's fine.

DrinkingMyWaterMindingMyBiz · 25/10/2023 03:42

It definitely won’t look like that on a 13YO. I’ve noticed that teenagers these days like to have these types of dresses just to take pictures in to post on social media, even if they don’t have anywhere to wear it to.

I’m a bit more lenient so I probably wouldn’t have an issue with it, but both you and her parents have said no so it’s not really up for debate!

DrinkingMyWaterMindingMyBiz · 25/10/2023 03:44

Testina · 24/10/2023 23:20

On the “all of my friends” comment… I have a Y10, which is 14-15. Last year, Y9 13-14, this would definitely have been worn by a good number at house parties - which seemed to start in Y9.

I’m not commenting on what’s appropriate - but in my daughter’s circle it wouldn’t be bullshit to say that friends had them. So by all means say no - but don’t assume that’s wrong.

I agree! This is the “en vogue” for the mainstream teenagers right now.

Mummyoflittledragon · 25/10/2023 04:00

Screamingabdabz · 24/10/2023 23:37

Exactly. Just because the model is pouting and thrusting doesn’t mean your niece will. Jeez put away the chastity belts and pitchforks…

She’d style it with Nike trainers and an oversized jacket or baggy cardigan.

I think everyone needs to stand down 🙄 it’s essentially just a simple strappy tube dress which is very long. YABU.

Show quote history

Agreed. My dd is 15. She wouldn’t wear that as her style for parties is super short - as in I have to say, ‘ pull it down sweetie, we can see your knickers’ (which she doesn’t want to do either).

At 13, I bought a pretty little thing dress, which I thought was a bit much. This but in a deep coral. https://www.prettylittlething.com/multi-marble-print-satin-ruched-skirt-corset-detail-midi-dress.html Much to my relief she decided she didn’t like it and sent it back… It was only ever for all girl parties and likely this would be the same for your niece.

At 14, I bought her a dress a bit like the one in the photo with spaghetti straps and short, perhaps a tad higher cut. It looks nothing like the photo. The dresses aren’t as skin tight on her and rather like the PLT model, she is smaller busted.

Mummyoflittledragon · 25/10/2023 04:08

EllaMenopee · 24/10/2023 23:55

Dd is looking for a dress for her friend's 13th birthday party next week and I sent her a link to a similar but knee length dress. All the girls will be wearing body con dresses with airforce ones and denim jackets.

Exactly. My 15 yo dd would style any dress with Nike Jordan’s and a jacket. She’s progressed to suit jackets now rather than denim. But she would be wearing one.

Mummyoflittledragon · 25/10/2023 04:08

I just wonder how many people answering are parents to teenaged girls of a similar age.

marshmallowfinder · 25/10/2023 04:10

LOSTAN · 25/10/2023 03:25

Yes I do. Apart from anything else the Niece is a rude little madam telling her Aunt that 'she is not respecting her personal style'. At 13? The brat wouldn't be getting anything from me after that comment.

Show quote history

Yes, although I suspect OP might be male, getting kicks from the subject matter.

Commonhousewitch · 25/10/2023 04:19

I think its fine. It not low cut or uber short , She won't look like the model in the picture which i think is a good thing (she won't).
My nieces all just gave me list of/links to dresses /clothes and i just bought off the list for years - i normally got a bit of a choice but not always. My taste is not their taste and its their present. Occasionally i would express horror/amusement to my sister - but in the same way i'd express disgust at having to buy bubble tea makers or lifestyle cut outs of pop stars

marshmallowfinder · 25/10/2023 04:24

Can't see where to report this thread, but I have suspicions the OP is male with a false subject matter for kicks. Please can someone report, just to be safe for it to be checked? Thanks.

RenegadeMasterx · 25/10/2023 04:27

I think it's fine personally. At least it's not a tiny dress.

Olika · 25/10/2023 04:29

Let her sulk.

LunaTheCat · 25/10/2023 05:19

Hmmm… the issue, I think, is not the dress.
The issue is the model… who is probably not even real.
Real women , apart from a very few, do not look like this without extensive plastic surgery ( ?buttocks? Boobs) …it is a hyper-sexualised image. It is a good opportunity to talk to your niece about the images the media portrays of women and valuing herself.

LateAF · 25/10/2023 06:03

It’s a very modest dress compared to some of the current teen fashion of low rise trousers with crop tops, mesh clothing with only underwear underneath and shorts that double as knickers.

I think yabu and have made a big deal out of nothing, while insulting her style at the same time.

RosesAndHellebores · 25/10/2023 06:17

Well, she's going to want far worse now that you and her parents have strongly objected. What was wrong with saying something like "thanks for the link" and buying something similar and perhaps even offering to take her shopping and taken the chance to chat about where she would wear something so amazing.

@LReo don't you remember being 13? I was 13 decades ago and it was high heels then.

tensmumllaf · 25/10/2023 06:20

Mum of 14 year old and I have to say I don’t think it’s that bad at all. My dd wore something similar in black with her converse to a party recently and she looked great. Honestly, compared with some of the dresses her friends were wearing it was pretty modest.

Guavafish1 · 25/10/2023 06:23

I think you should have let her have the dress. It would look fine on 13 year old

Ggttl · 25/10/2023 06:26

It would be really unflattering on anyone in real life especially because of the colour. They have even had to photoshop it on the model to make it look good. White is a disastrous colour because it gets grubby and stained so quickly. It won’t live to her expectations.

Motnight · 25/10/2023 06:32

She's 13. Just shut down the discussion. She will soon run out of steam.

AmandasFleckerl · 25/10/2023 06:41

I’d get her the dress.

SunshineAutumnday · 25/10/2023 06:50

I don't think it's too bad, the trend for my DD a few year ago was to wear any dress (usually too short) with DM or trainers. Which gives a completely different look. The length is long as well, I'd questioned white but thats it.

LlynTegid · 25/10/2023 06:58

I don't think it will get worn much, so agree with you for that reason.

LadyBird1973 · 25/10/2023 06:58

I would buy it. I think it won't look on her, the way it does on the model. If you asked her what she wanted for Christmas, I can see why she's upset that you are disregarding her choice - the trick with kids is to set parameters because the little buggers will always find a way to push to the limits of acceptable. You can't always rely on them to make a sensible choice.
She's not wrong to say her friends will have dresses live this. My dd owns some clothes I'd never have worn and her friends are similar - they are either in hoodies or skimpy tops.

EnterFunnyNameHere · 25/10/2023 07:00

I don't think it's that bad really - I doubt a 13yr old is well endowed enough to make the top look as low cut as the model, and aside from that it's just a long clingy dress!

No more revealing than the leggings + sports bra style crop top which seemed to be all anyone that age was wearing this summer!

Soontobe60 · 25/10/2023 07:03

I think it’ll look fab when she’s hanging around the park with her mates making tictoc videos on the swings 😂