Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

This dress is NOT appropriate.

257 replies

LReo · 24/10/2023 22:40

My niece, who is 13, sent me a link to this dress saying she would like it for Christmas. I replied saying I don’t think it’s appropriate as it’s clearly an adults dress, the neckline is too low and where would she even wear it?

She’s now really annoyed with me, saying I don’t respect her personal style and all of her friends wear similar. I’ve messaged my niece’s mum and dad who agree with me and are trying to talk to her, but she’s insisting I’m wrong and has now got the hump.

AIBU?

This dress is NOT appropriate.
OP posts:
Ilikeyourdecor · 24/10/2023 23:44

I went to a biannual dinner when I was 13-16 which required evening dress. I would have worn this if I'd had style (which I sadly did not).

I'd let mine wear it. Surely being a teen is about making poor fashion choices?! But since parents have said no I wouldn't want to go against their wishes.

I wouldn't wear the black one a pp posted. The cut off the straps and length make it look really frumpy imo.

LuluBlakey1 · 24/10/2023 23:45

So she's got the hump. Let her get on with it.Don't give in. Why is anyone 'trying to talk to her'. She's had her answer which is you don't wish to buy her the dress. Let her huff on to herself.

Jennybeans401 · 24/10/2023 23:45

I'd try to compromise and maybe find a dress that was more appropriate in a similar style. I think that unfortunately making things taboo can result in rebellion.

CalishataFolkart · 24/10/2023 23:47

“Garish” though? It’s cream, not neon pink with yellow polka dots.

XelaM · 24/10/2023 23:50

Ilikeyourdecor · 24/10/2023 23:44

I went to a biannual dinner when I was 13-16 which required evening dress. I would have worn this if I'd had style (which I sadly did not).

I'd let mine wear it. Surely being a teen is about making poor fashion choices?! But since parents have said no I wouldn't want to go against their wishes.

I wouldn't wear the black one a pp posted. The cut off the straps and length make it look really frumpy imo.

Totally agree. I don't see anything bad in this dress and I wish my 13-year-old wore it instead of the short mini dressed she's wearing 🫣

CharlotteBog · 24/10/2023 23:51

I think it really depends on what sort of figure she has.
At 13 I was straight up and down and with barely any boobs. I'm not much different 40 years later tbh.
It might look more like a tunic or a sun dress, which probably isn't the look she's after but certainly wouldn't be anything like how the model looks.

Stravaig · 24/10/2023 23:51

I'd want to stage a parental intervention involving t-shirt, dungarees, walking boots, rucsac, month in the wilds, no makeup, mirror or electronics!!

foxlover47 · 24/10/2023 23:51

My daughter is 11 and a lot of her friends and her like the sort of bodycon fitted dress worn with Nikes/ boots and a crop jacket , sort of dressed but dressed down
I think it's more common a style than people think , it's very instagram /tik tok style

readbooksdrinktea · 24/10/2023 23:54

User10932 · 24/10/2023 23:29

I’m thinking a pair of DMs, an oversized denim jacket (or leather…), a slicked back ponytail and pair of hoops, it could look teen friendly. Surely a 13yr old wouldn’t wear it as the model is?

Agree.

EllaMenopee · 24/10/2023 23:55

Dd is looking for a dress for her friend's 13th birthday party next week and I sent her a link to a similar but knee length dress. All the girls will be wearing body con dresses with airforce ones and denim jackets.

Scorchio84 · 24/10/2023 23:55

itsgoingtobeabumpyride · 24/10/2023 22:58

Crikey, the most risque thing I wore as a 13 yr old was footless tights 😂

Scandelous! I was trying to bargain two more holes in my Docs 😆

mn29 · 24/10/2023 23:56

Testina · 24/10/2023 23:20

On the “all of my friends” comment… I have a Y10, which is 14-15. Last year, Y9 13-14, this would definitely have been worn by a good number at house parties - which seemed to start in Y9.

I’m not commenting on what’s appropriate - but in my daughter’s circle it wouldn’t be bullshit to say that friends had them. So by all means say no - but don’t assume that’s wrong.

Yes, agreed. Of course it’s inappropriate for her age but I see girls of 13/14/15 in these figure hugging dresses and other skimpy clothing on insta pictures - of schoolmates my child follows- all the time so it really is the norm for a lot of their parties etc 😬

HollyBerri · 24/10/2023 23:56

I am going against the grain here and saying i think its fine. Like some people have said it won’t look like that on her. Its long and its styled ti show the models bust in the pic but won’t look like that on a 13 year old. To be honest though its not really what you think is appropriate- its up to her parents.

bathrobeandpie · 24/10/2023 23:58

You can't go against parents wishes and buy something they disagree with, so that's that.

Of course she's annoyed, but too bad. She is lucky you are generously giving her a present in the first place.

saythatagaintome · 25/10/2023 00:01

would you let her wear crop tops?

Wolvesart · 25/10/2023 00:01

I wouldn’t buy it as a present but mini versions of same were the dress of choice for 13-14 yr olds we knew for summer hols recently

Aquamarine1029 · 25/10/2023 00:05

It doesn't matter what the op's opinion is or what any of us think. The parents said no, therefore she isn't getting the dress.

SleepingStandingUp · 25/10/2023 00:10

Berushni · 24/10/2023 22:46

It's not going to look like that on a thirteen year old

Mmm depends on the 13 yo. My niece had a figure at 13 and looked older. She'd have struggled on height but she's still short and she's 21 so that wasn't age related.

PurpleWisteria1 · 25/10/2023 00:11

Berushni · 24/10/2023 22:46

It's not going to look like that on a thirteen year old

This.
I have a 14 year old and would love her to wear something like this.
The dresses she wants to buy and ‘all her mates wear’ have about 1/2 the material of that dress! 🤣

SemperIdem · 25/10/2023 00:13

Yanbu

My step daughter is the same age as your niece, looks about 18/19. There’s no chance her parents would buy her a dress like that, if one was bought as a present it would be politely given back.

Allthatwegotisthispalebluedot · 25/10/2023 00:13

Eh. It’s not appropriate for a thirteen year old in my opinion because it’s SO fucking dull. It looks like something Theresa May would call ‘edgy’. Teenagers should be having fun with fashion, not wearing this nonsense.

PyongyangKipperbang · 25/10/2023 00:14

The problem here is that in her head, if she has that dress, she will look like that. And she wont. She is a 13 year old child not a 20 something woman. She will look like exactly what she is, a kid playing dress up.

Although saying that its not age appropriate is disappointing for her, its still kinder than saying "dont be daft, you will look completely ridiculous in it"

I have friends where their DD has similarly unrealisitic ideas. She is 16 but is very short and skinny with no boobs. Not a judgement, I am exactly the same but 50, so she is winning in the looks department! And she has got a wish list of prom dresses that will look unflattering on her, like a 13 yro in that dress but worse. Except her mother isnt trying to suggest she tries other styles that would suit her better, but confirming she will look stunning in said dresses. That said, her mother is similarly unrealistic about her body and look so I am not surprised that she would say this. I am so worried that at prom she will end up feeling stupid when it hasnt magically made her grow 2 feet, put on a stone and grow big boobs, which I know is what she wants. She has been badly bullied and I really am concerned that this will make her feel worse.

Millybob · 25/10/2023 00:17

The good thing about being the aunt and not the parent is that you don't have to give the tiniest hump about teenagers getting the hump.

Millybob · 25/10/2023 00:18

The tiniest hump?? Well, you know what I mean.

WinterDeWinter · 25/10/2023 00:18

I agree that what’s wrong with it is it’s so middle of the road.

il also really surprised at how vicious some posters sound about a young teenager asking for something specific or getting upset when (to her) she was told she’s still a baby.

at this age it’s really just dressing up. And while I agree that over sexualisation is a problem, it’s a problem that impacts all young women, not just 13 year olds. Don’t slutshame her or make her feel like a baby - have a conversation about gendered roles and the male gaze.