DP says I'm selfish for having DD's birthday cake gluten free

[IntergalacticP]

Basically thread title.

DD turns one at the start of December. I've arranged for a local baker to make a cake for her. I asked for it to be gluten free as I have celiac disease.

DP said this was selfish. His reasoning being that gluten free cakes aren't as nice as normal cakes. He can't seem to come up with any other reason.

I just wanted to eat some of DDs first birthday cake.

It’s terrifying!! And the selfishness of people is shocking.

Sainsburys gluten free bread:

• Water, Tapioca Starch, Rice Flour, Thickeners: Cellulose, Hydroxypropyl Methyl Cellulose, Carboxymethyl Cellulose, Methyl Cellulose, Xanthan Gum, Wholegrain Maize Flour, Potato Starch, Yeast, Psyllium Husk Powder, Humectant: Glycerol, Rapeseed Oil, Rice Starch, Golden Syrup, Maize Starch, Salt, Preservatives: Sodium Propionate, Sorbic Acid, Burnt Sugar, Spirit Vinegar

Sainsbury’s gluten free cupcakes:

INGREDIENTS: Frosting (34%) (Sugar, Palm Oil, Rapeseed Oil, Glucose Syrup, Skimmed Cows' Milk Powder, Salted Butter (Butter (Cows' Milk), Salt), Emulsifier: Mono- and Diglycerides of Fatty Acids; Preservative: Potassium Sorbate; Flavouring), Sugar, Pasteurised Egg, Tapioca Starch, Raspberry Jam (9%) (Sugar, Raspberry Purée, Glucose Syrup, Acidity Regulators: Malic Acid, Trisodium Citrate; Gelling Agent: Pectin; Preservative: Potassium Sorbate), Rapeseed Oil, Chocolate Decoration (Sugar, Whole Cows' Milk Powder, Cocoa Mass, Cocoa Butter, Whey Powder (Cows' Milk), Emulsifier: Soya Lecithin), Rice Flour, Humectant: Glycerine: Palm Oil, Raising Agents: Potassium Carbonate, Diphosphates, Calcium Phosphate; Sugar Decoration (Sugar, Palm Kernel Fat, Potato Starch, Rice Flour, Corn Starch, Colours: Curcumin, Anthocyanins, Riboflavin; Flavouring), Emulsifiers: Mono- and Diglycerides of Fatty Acids, Polyglycerol Esters of Fatty Acids: Maltodextrin, Whey Powder (Cows' Milk), Modified Tapioca Starch, Modified Maize Starch, Milk Protein (Cows' Milk), Preservative: Potassium Sorbate; Salt, Stabiliser: Xanthan Gum: Flavouring, Rice Starch, Soya Flour, Acidity Regulator: Citric Acid; Palm Stearin.

DH is a dick. My 5 yo insists her cake is egg and dairy free so her little sister can eat it 🤷🏻‍♀️ if a 5 year old knows it’s the fair thing to do when someone in the house has a dietary requirement id like to think and adult can too!!

A place I used to work at had these
https://www.silverapplesbakery.com/flourless.html
Salted Caramel Brownie - Flourless sooo good!
I used to buy quite a few to give GF family friends but for myself too.

Them and a couple of other bakeries I've found were great but the majority didn't taste great. But then again, in some areas there's very little competition.

I’m so sorry to hear about your DP, how horrible for you. You have no choice but to be GF and he should support you.
Coeliac disease is a serious autoimmune disorder.
As a society we are constantly trying to be more inclusive and this should include those with serious illnesses like Coeliac disease.
It would cause him no harm or distress or discomfort to eat a GF cake whereas even a tiny crumb of gluten would cause you all 3.
It is always okay to advocate for your health. You do not need to apologise for having a serious health condition.

A professionally made GF cake would certainly be nicer than a supermarket one. It’s selfish of him to exclude you from having cake for the sake of it potentially being nicer for him.

When I attend family birthday parties, there is the main cake, and my grandma bakes me some GF cupcakes so I am not left out.

But if it’s my DH’s birthday, he has a GF cake or he is responsible for eating the whole lot and it gets wasted

I’ve got coeliac disease and I did the same, in fact all cake in this house is gluten free.

@IntergalacticP - have you ordered him a few gluten-free beers for the party? 😂
(another "you wouldn't notice the difference" category - as long as you avoided the ones on the supermarket Free From shelf)

When did I say it was? Stop with this excuse to be offended. For the record, I am gluten-intolerant, I vomit then become constipated for the next few days if I eat gluten, hence eschewing it for the past 9 years. This was what finally enabled me to gain weight, after being underweight all my life. So I am fully aware of what it's like to have a diet that is not a choice.

"Minority diets" = anyone who doesn't have an average diet for their culture, for any reason at all.

The point is that people with the majority diet are used to their dietary needs being centered at all times. And they become incredibly angry whenever somebody else's dietary needs are centered for once.

There is a saying that when privileged people lose privilege, it feels like bullying. Looking at it through this lens explains the behaviour on this thread.

It’s slightly different when a young child is GF. Having a cake they couldn’t eat would be really hard. It’s not hard for adults though.

My dd turns 21 tomorrow and I’ve ordered her some gluten free cupcakes to be sent to her, she’s been coeliac a number of years now and we’ve had a fair few Gluten free cakes and I must say that they have got a lot better now and some of them you wouldn’t even know the difference.

In the early days of her diagnosis we use to also buy a non gluten free cake as well for family, but as she’s older I just get either cupcakes or one big cake gluten free cake.

Does your Dp realise that coeliac disease often runs in families, so at some point (hopefully not!) he may not have no choice but to celebrate your child’s Birthday with a gluten free cake.

I would have done two cakes, personally. GF cake really isn't the same.

it isn’t about you. Or your lack of empathy.

it's definitely not selfish especially if you have another person who can't eat gluten attending.

Tell him if it's that important to him to go and buy a second sodding cake! Doubt he will as he didn't take the effort to arrange it!

I have Celiac too, and I would never give my children, or the people who are celebrating with us, a GF birthday cake. They get a proper one, and to be honest, I'd rather go without than eat a GF cake, buy if I really wanted to I'd just get myself a cupcake or similar.

Just so long as you know you're the least important person in the room right? Is your martyr badge coming in the post?

Exactly! Society should be inclusive of all diets, whether medical or cultural.

I think people here have very out-of-date ideas about what GF cakes are like.

You can make an amazing GF cake with almond flour, absolutely delicious! Generally though GF stuff is horrid, the bread is just wrong sadly. You should definitely get a GF cake, but equally he should be able to get a non GF cake too.

I'm sure he'd be happy to bake or otherwise procure a "regular" cake if he doesn't like the gluten-free cake. If not, he can just suck it up. You're not being selfish.

What a joke. It's certainly not me who is lacking empathy.

All celebration cakes in our family are gluten free. Me and my oldest DS are coeliac and since everyone else can eat GF but not vice versa that's the way it is. I'm hosting Christmas dinner this year along similar lines. I wouldn't inflict gluten free bread on people who don't have to eat it but it is treated as a contaminant and kept away from the main food.

What are you on about?
Who are you to tell @1stTimeMama that she's being a martyr?

As much as there's great GF cakes there are also shitty ones and it really depends on what you're doing. If you're buying everyone a supermarket cake and the GF ones are so vile that even the coeliac won't eat them why do you think everyone else should be subjected to them?

@PenguinRainbows you do realise that bringing a child up with 'proper food' as a coeliac may well put the OP in danger?
Cross contamination can cause some serious issues

You would be a joke if you were funny, instead of nasty.

The lack of empathy in this thread is appalling.