DP says I'm selfish for having DD's birthday cake gluten free

[IntergalacticP]

Basically thread title.

DD turns one at the start of December. I've arranged for a local baker to make a cake for her. I asked for it to be gluten free as I have celiac disease.

DP said this was selfish. His reasoning being that gluten free cakes aren't as nice as normal cakes. He can't seem to come up with any other reason.

I just wanted to eat some of DDs first birthday cake.

I mean on the sort of stand that has 2 plates built in, so they wouldn't be touching

I’ve bought my partner a vegan birthday cake tonight, they are not vegan but I am egg and dairy free - maybe I selfish but why should I watch them eat cake!

This is on a thread about people resenting somebody with a minority diet daring to centre their own needs at their own event (let's face it, a baby's first birthday is really about the parents).

It's not people with minority diets who make things all about themselves.

I'm looking at the list of ingredients on a bag of GF self raising flour. The only extra ingredient in the flour is xanthum gum, so a home made chocolate brownie made with GF flour is no more processed than one made with flour that isn't gluten free.

Too easy for a thoughtless muggle to use the wrong knife on the wrong cake. You have no idea the minefields that people with dietary allergies, intolerances and immune reactions face.

‘My heat would sink if I were offered gluten free cake’

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Most women have done the majority of the care for a 1yo for their year of life so far. Does your dh really think that as the person who gets most of the credit for that baby getting to 1, you should be standing there while everyone else eats cake you can’t? Is he usually so dismissive of you?!

Whoever goes to the trouble of arranging it gets to decide.

Your dh needs to dry his eyes.

Hmmm… close family member GF. Small wedding cake, tiny number of guests (less than 10). Wish I’d had two cakes. It was disappointing though looked beautiful. (I would have rather not bothered and organised something else)

What cake has your DP ordered or baked?

What birthday arrangements has he made?

My heart sinks at the ignorance you have just displayed

But most people with Coeliac wouldn’t be able to eat a cake from a non-gf bakery. They struggle to eat GF pizza from dominoes for example because cross contamination can make you very unwell and it’s next to impossible to make a Coeliac friendly cake in a home or bakery that also is using regular flour. And microscopic gluten from cross contamination is still damaging their villi and long term leading to cancer. I have Coeliac family and we are really careful. We would also just do one cake and be done with it, understanding people with Coeliac ALWAYS have to go without. They shouldn’t have to in their own homes. Other people can suck it up one time.

Minority diet? How fucking insulting.

coeliac disease is NOT a choice.

I'm also wondering whether it's the cost.

A 'normal' cake from a baker, rather than the supermarket for 10 people would cost at least £30. I'm guessing OP's just not going for a plain boring cake, probably with some decorations etc , and with gluten free it would be close to £50?

Of course my pricing could be off but my point is, it ain't gonna be cheap! I'd be peeved off if it didn't taste great. Far better actually to have spent the money on a nice bakery GF cake for 3 people and gotten the rest cupcakes or something.

Of course if the GF cake actually tastes great the DH is being a total dick.

So the options are:
GF cake that may not be as nice but that everyone can eat
Non GF cake that may taste better but that two people can’t eat.
And he thinks YOU’RE the selfish one.

I a little bit agree with your DH. Gluten free cake is not as tasty. It’s about your child not you.

You could have gotten something different for yourself.

Although, the word selfish is unfair.

What a prick. Either a cake you can all eat or a cake only some of you can. I notice its you that's had to organise the bloody thing. Tell him to sort some cupcakes to go on the side if he is that desperate.

He's also being selfish by wanting a cake you cannot eat for a medical reason. Twat

Well you are.
A GF cake can be lovely.
Try empathy.

Wrong they could have 2 cakes! Or cupcakes.
No need for just one cake.
We don't know the full story here.
Tbh I think this should have been discussed but only if they're sharing the burden! If the mental load is only on OP as it so often is she can rightly do what she likes.

I was off gluten for years (just intolerant not coeliac) and I have to say I never found a gf cake that was as good as one with gluten. As it’s your baby’s first birthday I’d probably be fine with gf for now but as they get older I’d let them have a “normal” cake, it’s not your birthday and you can always have a smaller gf cake for you as well.

I’ve had mixed experiences of GF cakes they vary enormously and wouldn’t choose to eat one
a normal cake with like a cupcake on top GF for you

or could you sample some to find a nice one you both agree on
not the same my friends vegan and makes her own some are like dry and stale others are delicious it’s an finding the right one

I work in a catering environment. We regularly make GF cakes. Done well you'd hardly any difference- especially when topped with delicious icing!

Oh God, as the mum of a kid with coeliacs, this thread is giving me the cross contamination heebie-jeebies.

I seriously wouldn’t be giving a shit what he thinks if he isn’t helping you arrange anything. I bet he isn’t! You have a serious autoimmune disease and he does NOT get to exclude you from an event at your own house that you are organizing. The fat gobbler can go to Tesco and grab himself a cake if he’s that aggrieved at going without, which I’m sure you do constantly!