DP says I'm selfish for having DD's birthday cake gluten free

[IntergalacticP]

Basically thread title.

DD turns one at the start of December. I've arranged for a local baker to make a cake for her. I asked for it to be gluten free as I have celiac disease.

DP said this was selfish. His reasoning being that gluten free cakes aren't as nice as normal cakes. He can't seem to come up with any other reason.

I just wanted to eat some of DDs first birthday cake.

Lots of cakes are made with sugar, white flour, baking soda, synthetic flavour, maybe chocolate, sugar paste, some refined oils...so they use highly processed ingredients anyway.

In the context of cake, the issue of highly processed is moot.

OP have you actually tried any GF cakes from this baker?
I've had loads (not GF but family/friends). Some were shit - and completely unapologetic about it as there was a captive market and the coeliacs had no choice. Some were marvellous.

If this cake is good then YANBU at all and your DH is a selfish dick. If it isn't, then YABU. Also, GF stuff is usually more expensive... if it is that and tasteless it seems silly to make 10 people eat it when you could have gotten a small cake for the coeliacs + DD, and a normal one for everyone else. Saved you money too!

If your DD is one and doesn't know any better she can have GF, it will be 'her' birthday cake. I don't think anybody else cares about having a slice of your kid's first birthday cake. They just want nice cake.

The only selfish one here is your DH.
I agree GF stuff generally isn’t great. But I’ve had some amazing GF cakes over the past couple years, often not being able to tell the difference.

The other kind of GF cake that really works is chocolate cake made with mainly chocolate and eggs like a cooked chocolate mousse. The egg white goes meringuey. That’s a GF cake no-one has ever complained of in my house.

Could she maybe have a two tired cake, normal at the bottom, GF on top, well iced to make sure no crumbs can get into the normal one? You can take the top one off to cut it and store them separately after that, but it'll look lovely while singing Happy Birthday and it means everyone has a choice which one to go for.

Get celebratory cupcakes, and then you can have both.

Tell him to sort his own cake out of he doesn't like the one you have organised.

I love cake and am always disappointed when it's gluten/dairy/egg free as he's right it doesn't taste the same at all! why not just make two smaller cakes? You get your gluten free cake and DH, DD and the other guests don't have to suffer an less tasty cake just because you want a gluten free version, everyone wins?

Oh thanks @DogInATent that makes sense! I don't ever buy her brownies, she doesn't like them anyway.

I have coeliac disease all the cakes in our house are gluten free so that we can ALL enjoy them!

I buy DC birthday party cake in and that’s a gluten cake but more because I don’t fancy a cake after lots of kids have been probing it, plus we always buy a smaller cake for the party so it finishes quicker.

Diets based on ethical considerations or religious beliefs are just as worthy of consideration and inclusion, as diets caused by medical necessity.

Husband is a knob x

🤦🏻‍♀️ You really don’t understand.

FFS.

Wouldn't day selfish but i'd have got 2 cakes.

I would doubt that anyone enjoys a cake more than I do and even I don't think there's a difference in quality between gluten free (or vegan) cakes and other cakes.

I ate a vegan gluten-free slice of cakes at an afternoon tea today and honestly, it was one of the best cakes I've ever eaten.

None of this matters though. If you need to eat gluten free then OF COURSE that is what every cake in your house needs to be. There is something very immature and selfish about anyone who thinks it's reasonable to whinge.

Next time don't tell him it's GF.

I’m coeliac and I either make the whole cake GF or I make myself a small one.

Don't be so ridiculous! A one year old doesn't have the first clue what's going on. The celebration is mostly for her parents at this stage!

They're only getting it gluten-free.
It can still have butter and eggs. I very much doubt you'd notice the difference, particularly as I'll bet the bakery will reach for a Becky Excel recipe.

This sort of thing I mean - not touching!

https://www.pinterest.co.uk/pin/290974825901123883/

Absolutely not if Op has Coeliac! The cross contamination would be huge and could make OP very very unwell!

I'm inclined to agree as g/f cake is usually so sweet my teeth want to drop out. On the other hand your wee one is only one, do they really need to have cake so is it that big a deal?

I'm assuming your DH isn't. Fan of g/f?

Not really, being morally or religiously outraged by a food doesn't trigger a body's auto immune response that decimates the villi in the gut causing a cascade of health implications.

YANBU. The only reason I'd have any other view is if your DC was old enough to be bothered by it. If they want a cake using gluten when they're older that's their choice, but for a 1st birthday cake it makes sense to have one everyone can have a bit of.

FWIW - in my family we have a few people who can't eat dairy/eggs so we always have a cake and then some cupcakes round the bottom to cater for various requirements. That could be the way to go in the future.