DP says I'm selfish for having DD's birthday cake gluten free

[IntergalacticP]

Basically thread title.

DD turns one at the start of December. I've arranged for a local baker to make a cake for her. I asked for it to be gluten free as I have celiac disease.

DP said this was selfish. His reasoning being that gluten free cakes aren't as nice as normal cakes. He can't seem to come up with any other reason.

I just wanted to eat some of DDs first birthday cake.

Those saying GF cakes aren't nice have never tried the River Cafe recipe for lemon polenta cake. One of my favourites and I can eat anything.

I used to be more close-minded about food and might have disliked gluten free cake. These days we manage allergies in our house and we prioritize inclusivity. For people outside of our household as well. There are so many good recipes and products out there that I don’t find we have to compromise on taste very often.

But even if we did, I find it far more satisfying to include everyone than to eat a slightly nicer cake.

People have invented a husband for the OP, by the sounds of it. If he really were a selfish bastard who's out to kill her, I assume she wouldn't have had a baby with him.

Just buy two cakes. There are 10 people coming. They can choose which cake they want to eat.

I tried to make a cake for PFB's first birthday because I wanted it to be all special. It was specially awful, and I never tried to bake a cake again. My suggestion is a Colin the Caterpillar and an M&S gluten free offering.

BTW one of my children is severely allergic to nuts. I just always gave him a nut-free alternative if there was something nutty on offer.

She's one and won't give a crap. Dh is being an arse.

BTW one of mine was dairy and wheat free. His cakes were fabulous and people couldn't tell the difference.

@MyElasticEye or her husband could buy a different cake if he doesn’t like it

@Bobtheamazinggingerdog I disagree about the taste of vegan cakes but that's not the point.

OP is medically not able to eat gluten. Medically not able.

Just because you're happy to accept some people make vegans feel like they are just being awkward, it doesnt mean OP should feel like that. By her dick of husband.

Celiac also runs in families so your husband needs to get over himself. Maybe he could buy himself a dairy cake if he is that bothered instead of expecting you to.

You don’t have to be out to kill someone to be being selfish.

He could solve his own problem by buying his own cake. Instead he’s decided to tell the OP she’s selfish for buying a cake that everyone attending can eat but happens not to meet his preferences.

Lots of husbands feel that organising stuff is their wife’s job. But act like they are the boss who can criticise their wife’s choices.

he knows where the shops are.

Enjoy your gluten free cake, my son is gluten free and I make delicious cakes for him. Pastry and bread are a different matter, I wouldn't be inflicting GF versions of those on guests.

We've got a coeliac in the family. All our cakes/ baking is gluten free. Somethings work better than others, but tbh the vast majority of the gf cakes taste no different - but they are better on the day baked and don't last as long.

Why do people think it’s selfish to buy a cake everyone can eat?

this is a dietary requirement. Picking a cake that is suitable for everyone is not ‘imposing your dietary restrictions on people’; it’s choosing the best fit option.

What if she chooses a chocolate cake but some people don’t think that’s as good as red velvet cake?

Or are you all people who’d throw a tantrum because your vegetarian friend didn’t cook you meat, or your Muslim friend didn’t serve you pork?

It’s perfectly reasonable for a household including someone with coeliac disease to serve gluten free food. The OP doesn’t expect other people (including her own brother) to cater to her dietary requirements. But somehow she’s selfish for ensuring she can eat what’s served at a party she’s hosted.

Having coeliac disease is shit enough without people expecting you to wear a hair shirt and never enjoy the cake you have bought.

Depends on how it actually tastes. It’s about your child and if she enjoys it.. not you!

I actually think I might lose the plot if my partner called me selfish for wanting one thing to be gluten free for everyone. People who can eat whatever they want really don’t get how annoying and sometimes stressful it is to have to check everything and how restricted we are in terms of food when out and about at times. He can honestly suck it up.

OP is medically not able to eat gluten. Medically not able.

DD isn’t coeliac.Not OP’s cake, not OP’s birthday.

Having coeliac disease is shit enough without people expecting you to wear a hair shirt and never enjoy the cake you have bought

This is so childish. What’s wrong with buying your own GF cake? Why are MNers so dependent on cake they can’t cope without it?

I’m GF but I don’t impose my own dietary restrictions on my kids. We have GF and non GF stuff in the house.

Yes because a one year old has a huge preference over the cake they want!

FFS you’re not a normal decent human being.
so the one year old is eating it and holds out hand for mum to eat as they learn social behaviours? We are GF household here with normal bread if have visitors. GF cakes made properly are bloody lovely and get requested and made by non GF people.

You’ve anasweeed your own question brilliantly 😂 Compaoning the OP should have her own cake and every on e should get non GF and saying why can’t people cope without cake. Just brilliant how you can write that out.

My adult birthday cake was GF and made by a friend and bloody lovely and eaten by adults and kids alike. They all know I’m coeliac and this is easiest all round whilst hosting.

I think it's just because we genuinely have not experienced a GF cake that wasn't rubbish. If it genuinely tasted nice then sure, why not, but for me, I wouldn't as a host serve something I knew tasted rubbish just so I could have it, I'd just get myself a GF cupcake. It shouldn't really be a particularly big deal either way, though, imo.

I don't think all dietary restrictions make food taste unpleasant, but have to say I have yet to have a positive experience with GF.

I get that you think they are delicious. Not everyone agrees with you. Other people are allowed to have a different opinion to you. Many people don't like them. I don't think they taste very nice. If you look up the thread several other people have said they don't like them either. Not everyone enjoys them.

We recently went to a party with a professionally done dairy/gluten free cake and there was a lot of leftover cake. Never been to a party where the adults were the ones picking off the icing to eat but we stripped that particular monstrosity.
Why not get an excellent gluten free dessert, like a torte or a grown up polenta cake and get a cheapo Tesco Duggie cake or similar for kids and DH?
Then let DH suffer his disgusting gluten and sugar creation and let all the adults enjoy your option.
Then you can either tell DH he's not allowed yours as he made such a fuss or crow over him happily in public.

@caringcarer a crap cake is a crap cake regardless of whether it contains gluten or not.

I'm amazed why so many people have tried GF cakes and formed an opinion when they can eat gluten.
I think a lot of people are ignorant about coeliac disease and should educate themselves before commenting.
Those cakes you all hate so much are the only option a coeliac can eat, it won't kill others to eat it and maybe think how lucky they are.