DP says I'm selfish for having DD's birthday cake gluten free

[IntergalacticP]

Basically thread title.

DD turns one at the start of December. I've arranged for a local baker to make a cake for her. I asked for it to be gluten free as I have celiac disease.

DP said this was selfish. His reasoning being that gluten free cakes aren't as nice as normal cakes. He can't seem to come up with any other reason.

I just wanted to eat some of DDs first birthday cake.

GF cakes are not enjoyable for everyone. I don't eat rubbish cake, hence when I do eat a little cake I like my gluten in it. Suggesting OP gets 2 cakes is ableist in what way?

I'm curious why as it's seemingly about who gets to eat the cake - him or you - he thinks it should be him? Surely he can buy his own cake for her birthday that he likes of he's so bothered.

If you chose not to eat gluten free cake that’s fine ( but you are missing out as made properly you can not tell the difference, having tried many I don’t believe anyone doesn’t like any gluten free cake) , if you are coeliac, you can not eat the cake it will make you ill, that’s the difference. Why does the OP need to get two cakes? I don’t like chocolate cake but that’s a choice I don’t expect anyone to make two cakes.

I make cakes vegan all the time. Its rare that anyone notices the difference.
Gluten free cakes are harder, but I can make passable ones. I struggle when they have to be gluten free and vegan.

Plenty of cakes don't need flour, though.

He should have got off his arse & arranged a cake himself then.

I'v had gluten free cakes, brownies etc from a bakery and you wouldn't tell the difference. I'd more more sympathetic to him if you were just getting shop bought as often they're not good but in this case he can quit moaning.

10 people at the party and only 2 are GF. Unfair to serve GF cake to everyone. They will notice the difference no matter how many Mary Berrys on here say they make delicious ones! If you are that desperate for cake buy a small GF one for you and the other person but for the 8 others guests…let them eat cake!

Hmmmm
agreed GF is not as tasty (we had GF cupcakes for daughters bday) and although they were good, they weren’t spectacular. But at least everyone got to have some.

I baked a gf cake for a friend's b'day. It got taken down to the pub where we were celebrating and everyone loved it.

DP is being a dick. Ignore him.

Buy shop made.
Rip off cardboard.
Put in cake tin and swear blind it's homemade.

No one will know. Or care.

(Edited for spelling.)

I think it's quite unfair to everyone calling DP a 'dick' etc. Just because OP needs a gluten free cake why does that mean everyone else has to eat gluten free as well when there is the option to cater for everyone? OP already said that their every day meals are gluten free so he obviously is supportive to her gluten free diet. But on this occasion why can't everyone be catered for? Have a small cake for the 2 people that are gluten free and a big cake for the 8 people that aren't.

Personally, I wouldn't go out and buy a gluten free cake for 10 people when only 2 people are actually gluten free.

The people arguing over whether gluten free tastes nice or not is irrelevant as everyone has different tastes and what one person might enjoy, another person may not. So I disagree with people trying to shove the opinion down people's throats that gluten free cake tastes good - it's personal preference.

But the reason I think it's silly is that there's all sorts of GF cakes. There's dozens of possible GF flour blends, some come out well and some are rank, some do well in particular applications and awfully in others. There's naturally GF cakes that rely on eggs and nuts. I'm not coeliac (though I help a friend test recipes, so I have some experience with that--we're one of her non-GF test families!) but every year I have to bake for Pesach when we can't use most flours (including rice & corn!) and I know very well which cakes are so good I'd serve them year round to anyone and which ones are "well.. it's all right, for a Pesach cake".

Most GF cakes don't taste good so I'm with your husband.

I have celiac disease.

Every cake, cupcake, dessert that is intended to be shared in our house is GF. Without question. Even at my parents house they ensure this is the norm. GF cakes can be beatiful and your DP is an idiot.

Who cares if the husband doesn’t like GF cake?

He hasn’t ordered a cake. Has he? The OP has. So she’s chosen one she can share with her child.

If he wants an additional, non-gluten cake, he knows where the shops are!

All this arguing about whether he’s right about GF cakes is utterly beside the point. He’s doing that classic male thing of not doing the work but expecting the person doing it (his wife) to centre everything around his wants. And probably then taking the credit for the lovely party.

If he wants to determine how things should be, he can get involved and organise things.

This is your child’s first birthday. Of course the cake should be gluten free. This isn’t just any cake, a first birthday is a big deal. I would get a gluten free cake and have it decorated as THE birthday cake. It’s the one that will have the candle on it. Then have a second cake in the kitchen in case anyone wants that. But the actual birthday cake should be one you can eat too. I would love to make your dh a special cake just for him.

@caringcarer it's not the suggestion of two cakes, it's repeatedly implying that only cakes containing gluten are 'normal' and 'enjoyble'.
If we look to other countries there are plenty of cakes that are made with nuts or polenta rather than wheat flour which are made and eaten by people without evening realising that they are gluten free. They are delicious.

Personally I think the fact that there is another GF guest there probably tips it towards being reasonable. If it was just you, as host, then yes I think you should have just got a normal one tbh.

A birthday cake isn't just cake, especially for a first birthday. It's like a symbol and part of the celebration.

He can eat non gluten free cake anytime he wants. But the birthday cake for your daughters first birthday, he shouldn't exclude you!

It is very possible to make genuinely excellent gf cakes. I've learned to make some amazing ones. However, most gf cakes that you can buy are absolutely shite. They just are. If I was ordering a gf cake from a bakery, I'd want to know for a fact that it was one of the really fantastic ones before ordering it. And the best way to do that is to make sure that someone who is not gf, tests it first. Because the odds are it will be awful otherwise.

I'm coeliac. I've bitched about it on here before. Usually in the context of those unable to comprehend what it is or how to avoid cross contamination.

@Saggypants That's hardly the issue here is it?

I bet if the DH had coeliac disease, he’d be insisting the OP got a cake that didn’t exclude him from sharing it with his wife and child.

My son has always liked fruitcake and not sponge, since he was about 4. I always did either a 2 layer cake or sponge cupcakes all around it.

Seriously, everyone’s going to have a small slice as a little celebration, does it really matter if it’s gluten free?!

Me, my sister & step dad all have birthdays in August so celebrate together, step dad is coeliac and we had a lovely GF cake this year from sponge.co.uk. We also made sure one of our layers on our wedding cake was GF so that he could enjoy some, he was the only coeliac there and had a bit but funnily enough the whole layer went with no complaints…

Some GF cakes aren’t great, same as some ‘normal’ cakes aren’t. The ones I bake myself aren’t quite passable yet but ones from professionals/bakeries tend to be as good or better than cakes with gluten!

Your baby won’t know the difference at 1 and probably won’t have a huge amount anyway. The first birthday party is really about the parents - surely it’s much nicer to have a GF cake, that he may not enjoy as much but you can both have to celebrate this milestone together, than get a cake that you definitely can’t have?

I’m guessing you’re the one organising things from your post so I’d tell him he can sort a separate cake if he’s that bothered!