DP says I'm selfish for having DD's birthday cake gluten free

[IntergalacticP]

Basically thread title.

DD turns one at the start of December. I've arranged for a local baker to make a cake for her. I asked for it to be gluten free as I have celiac disease.

DP said this was selfish. His reasoning being that gluten free cakes aren't as nice as normal cakes. He can't seem to come up with any other reason.

I just wanted to eat some of DDs first birthday cake.

GF cakes are gross, GF cakes are shit, no one likes GF cakes.....really? Some may be but there are others you'd want every day, but you can't have any of mine.

My niece has coeliac disease and has found a GF chocolate cake that her husband now wants for his birthdays until further notice. She made it dairy free at DH's request as well, and we (the extended family) liked it so much it's a firm favourite. I'm not keen on chocolate cake but this one is seriously good, and does not even hint at being GF or dairy free (DN makes it with eggs rather than flax egg.
https://www.glutenfreepalate.com/easy-gluten-free-chocolate-cake-11-ingredients/

If anyone thinks I'm exaggerating at the level of hatred and intolerance that some people feel towards those with different diets, please see this article:

British Airways: Girl with allergy 'nearly died as man refused to stop snacking' | Metro News

This man seemed to think the request for him to stop eating his peanuts was an intolerable imposition on his freedom, and spitefully continued eating them, knowing that a child could die if he did so.

This man thinks that his right to eat peanuts RIGHT NOW is worth more than this child's right to life. How dare they ask him to wait a few hours before eating his snack? He sure showed that demanding child who was boss!

I can see both sides, however I think 2 cakes is the best option. Gluten free cakes are generally unpleasant, I can see why he'd rather not have everyone having to eat one.

Ia. I'm guilty of that too, though - just this weekend I had cake in a café. When the waitress brought it over and asked who the gf one was for I thought, "oh no!" But it was actually great. Cherry and almond, yum.

All cake (conventional/vegan/gf/sugar free) has the capacity to be good or terrible - it really depends on the baker. I've had some absolutely rancid conventional cakes and some beautiful vegan AND gf (combo!) cakes.

If it's a celebration, everyone should be able to eat the cake together.

And also it's not a case of always expecting allowances to be made for me- it was my brothers birthday at the weekend, the cake wasn't gluten free so I just didn't have any. It's not a big deal to me usually but this feels different.

Oh god. I know. My son had to leave the scouts because one of the leaders was a nasty bully who thought his allergies (anaphylaxis ) were just a weakness he could overcome with more "resilience"

I a little bit agree with your DH. Gluten free cake is not as tasty. It’s about your child not you.

And a lot of cakes that are not free from are not tasty either. Many don’t even have a real flavour and taste like pure sugar.

I’m coeliac and honestly I wouldn’t expect people to have a gf cake but equally I would never have minded my mum (who is also coeliac) choosing to do what you have before I found out I was coeliac.

I just don’t think it’s that big a deal. There’s nice gf cakes or you could have a separate one. Personally I wouldn’t be bothered about either option, plus your DD isn’t old enough for it to affect her. I can’t see why your DH is kicking up a fuss though. It always mildly annoys me when people who can eat whatever get pissy about one inconvenience.

Yup.

I think this is very true. Chocolate cakes/brownies definitely benefit from non-gluten ingredients like ground almonds etc. I also think that a plain old sponge cake made with rice flour, corn flour and ground almonds has a much nicer texture than a regular sponge cake. And I eat a lot of cake of all types!

Yes!

We switched all our baking over to gluten free when my dd was diagnosed coeliac and tbh there is very little difference in taste, texture and quality between gf and non gf. I don’t understand all the snark about gf cake (which is weird because most gf bread is rank).

YANBU. I think first birthdays are mostly about the mum anyway so it would be shit for you to miss out on cake.

Coeliac here, and baffled by the 'GF cakes don't taste as nice' comments. IMHO bought GF cakes are - generally - much nicer than muggle cakes, and my own GF cakes are amazing. GF stuff tends to be much more expensive, but that is beside the point here.

It would be different on your own birthday.

Can’t help but laugh at the ignorance of the ‘gluten free is gross’ comments. We have a local gluten free bakery and the cakes are so delicious my DP (who has no dietary limitations) gets something too. They make cakes, biscuits, pastries, breads, doughnuts, pizza…and it’s all delicious. And the products are less processed than the loaf of bread you buy in the supermarket.
Im a home cooking fan who happens to have coeliac disease. I guarantee my diet is less processed than a non-scratch cooking gluten eating person. It’s sheer ignorance from anyone who thinks gluten free living is gross and highly processed.

I’m DF and my mum is coeliac and DF and she makes the best cakes (though not every type of cake is as good - you want wetter cakes like coconut or carrot that don’t rely on flour or a true buttery flavour as much.)

Who is eating the cake?

Don’t be daft, OP’s solution is perfectly reasonable.

gluten free cakes taste different yes, but it’s surely more important to include OP and not “other” her by saying 2 cakes is the only solution, suggesting the gluten free cake isn’t the “proper” cake or enough. It’s a bad precedent to set. Her partner chose to have children with her, he can surely compromise on 1 slice of cake. Ffs

No-one is talking about your diet. The point is that a lot of supermarket GF stuff is highly processed, in some cases more so than the non GF. A speciality GF baker is a different matter. The OP’s one may be great too for all we know but not everyone has one nearby.

Re the bread issue, schar frozen sourdough rolls are very nice. My kitchen is 90% gluten free exceptions are bread and pasta as the gluten sort is cheaper.

I have no idea what recipes people are using or when people last tasted gluten free cake but I can make a decent GF cake that everyone eats. Definitely not revolting and apart from it’s not as sturdy as gluten cakes, it’s hard to tell. I wouldn’t want to build with it but it’s fine to ice. We always make anything where my in-laws are involved gluten free as one of them is coealiac. The trick is to make the batter much runnier than normal - you need extra liquid (I usually add milk) or the cake is too dry. I can do a decent chocolate, Victoria sponge and any sort of veg based cake e.g. carrot gluten free and no one tends to have a clue.
You’re definitely not being selfish.

Tell him that’s fine. She can have 2 cakes. One will be gluten free and he can sort the other one. Job done.

My children happily steal my gf cake from my plate when we go to a local coffee shop which does amazing gf home bakes.
I lose half my gf chocolate brownies to my DH (I make them with ground almonds and melted chocolate)
A good gf homemade cake tastes nothing like gf biscuits/gf bread etc which frankly has the texture and taste of sand but charges you 3 times the price for.

Enjoy the celebration OP that you can all celebrate!

Me too. And the cakes are great, maybe just a tad more fragile than glutinous ones. There are a few recipes that don't work out but I just avoid those.

And Sainsbury's Free From white sliced

INGREDIENTS:Water, Tapioca Starch, Maize Starch, Rice Flour, Bamboo Fibre, Potato Starch, Rapeseed Oil, Humectant: Glycerine; Psyllium Husk Powder, Potato Flakes, Thickeners: Hydroxypropyl Methyl Cellulose, Xanthan Gum; Sugar, Dried Egg White, Salt, Yeast, Preservatives: Calcium Propionate, Sorbic Acid; Cornflour, Flavouring.

vs their Toastie

INGREDIENTS: Fortified British Wheat Flour (Wheat Flour, Calcium Carbonate, Iron, Niacin, Thiamin), Water, Yeast, Salt, Rapeseed Oil, Spirit Vinegar, Preservative: Calcium Propionate; Soya Flour, Emulsifiers: Mono- and Diacetyl Tartaric Acid Esters of Mono- and Diglycerides of Fatty Acids, Mono- and Diglycerides of Fatty Acids; Palm Oil, Flour Treatment Agent: Ascorbic Acid.

Noticing that the FF doesn't have palm oil.

Then there's their non GF birthday cake

INGREDIENTS: Sugar, Fortified Wheat Flour (Wheat Flour, Calcium Carbonate, Iron, Niacin, Thiamin), Rapeseed Oil, Pasteurised Egg, Raspberry Jam (8%) (Glucose-Fructose Syrup, Water, Seedless Raspberry Purée, Sugar, Gelling Agent: Pectin; Concentrated Lemon Juice), Palm Oil, Palm Kernel Oil, Water, Humectant: Vegetable Glycerine; Dried Glucose Syrup, Plain Chocolate (Sugar, Cocoa Mass, Cocoa Butter, Emulsifier: Soya Lecithin; Flavouring), Dried Skimmed Cows' Milk Powder, Raising Agents: Disodium Diphosphate, Sodium Bicarbonate; Cornflour, Emulsifiers: Mono- and Diglycerides of Fatty Acids, Sodium Stearoyl-2-Lactylate, Sunflower Lecithin; Rice Starch, Wheat Starch, Fruit And Vegetable Concentrates (Beetroot Juice, Safflower, Spirulina), Rice Flour, Palm Fat, Colours: Curcumin, Anthocyanins, Beetroot Red, Carotenes, Riboflavin; Shea Oil, Acidity Regulator: Citric Acid; Stabiliser: Acacia Gum; Glazing Agents: Carnauba Wax, Corn protein, Beeswax; Glucose Syrup, Thickener: Tragacanth; Flavourings, Coconut Oil.

The baby's father can fuck off and buy his own cake to stuff in the car.

DP is 100% GF at home because he doesn't want me to be made ill. Because he's not selfish.

My Mum is coeliac so we always had gluten free cakes. It's about the celebration so if possible everyone should be able to join in