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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To bin DP's junk while he's away?

165 replies

LittleRayTheCat · 24/10/2023 12:53

DP collects junk. And I mean junk. He collects stuff because he doesn't sort his bag or pockets out enough; because he intends to do something with this junk later on; because he hates throwing stuff out which has some kind of meaning to us however fleeting; because he saves things for me to craft with at some point in the future.

Our under-stairs cupboard currently houses:
>A cracked refill coffee cup that DP intends to superglue and use as a plant pot in his office. He'll unlikely ever get around to super gluing it and never ever to getting a plant for it (unless I do it, which I absolutely won't).

>A backpack with a huge rip that DP intends to sew up or get professionally repaired. He's never sewed anything in his life and he'll likely not get around to finding a repair shop. Again, I'm not doing either of these things for him.

>A power bag for weightlifting which is leaking sand which DP intends to repair with duct tape. He won't get around to this and we bought a replacement bag so why bother anyway?

>A carrier bag full of papers, broken pens, scrolled up tissues, chocolate wrappers, train tickets, empty blister packs etc. that DP took from his old work bag when he got a new one. This has been on a shelf in the cupboard for two fucking years without any moves to get sorted out.

He's away for three days with work. AIBU to bin/recycle/rehome everything while he's away and then just never mention it? I very much bought he'll ever notice.

OP posts:
Summertimesunshineandfizz · 24/10/2023 12:54

Just do it

AnaisMae · 24/10/2023 12:55

I came here to say YABU off the title alone, but when I read it you are definitely not being unreasonable and yes I'd throw it all.

DinoMummsy · 24/10/2023 12:57

Definitely do it 😊

Whinge · 24/10/2023 12:58

Another here who was going to say YABU, but having read you post NOPE YANBU.

I would bin it, but only if your bin is due to be collected before he returns, as I would be worried he would take it out when he returns. If the bin isn't due to be emptied until after he returns then find a public bin and dispose of his crap there.

TimeForTeaAndG · 24/10/2023 12:59

Is it laziness or mental illness that causes him to keep it all?

How will he react if you bin it all without his say so?

NoraLuka · 24/10/2023 13:03

I was about to say YABU after reading the title but actually no, go ahead! You could just hide it all and if he doesn’t notice when he gets back, bin it properly then?

pigsDOfly · 24/10/2023 13:04

Yet another person who was going to say you can't just chuck someone's stuff out.

But like pps the stuff he's hoarding is rubbish, so yes just get rid of it.

Sounds like he has the makings to become a hoarder. You need to step in and stop him over-running your home with crap.

LittleRayTheCat · 24/10/2023 13:04

@Whinge
Bins not due to be emptied until after he gets back but if I do my throw-away-athon tonight then I'll have a couple of days to bury the junk under teabags, onion peel, apple cores etc.

@TimeForTeaAndG
It's a combination of laziness, busy-ness, weird sentimentality, and being someone who's focused on the 'end goal' of a thing but not actually doing the thing.
If I don't tell him, I honestly don't think he'll notice that I've binned it all.

OP posts:
Whinge · 24/10/2023 13:06

Bins not due to be emptied until after he gets back but if I do my throw-away-athon tonight then I'll have a couple of days to bury the junk under teabags, onion peel, apple cores etc.

I would definitely look for another bin as there's a very real chance he will spot the crap and try and reclaim it, and possibly remove other crap from the bin at the same time.

ThewaytoAmarula · 24/10/2023 13:07

Another vote for just do it! He won't notice, apart from maybe an imperceptible lightness about not having to make decisions about getting rid of it himself.

LittleRayTheCat · 24/10/2023 13:07

@pigsDOfly I get why you'd think that but he's actually really ruthless at getting rid of 'big things' and hates clutter/mess in places we can see. Drawers and cupboards can be packed with absolute shite though - out of sight, out of mind

OP posts:
VeridicalVagabond · 24/10/2023 13:15

As someone who used to be dreadful for hoarding old shite exactly like this, I say throw it out. It's an awful habit and it's taken me years to stop doing it... I've been mostly successful, except for the box of half burnt candles under my stairs.

But seriously. Bin the lot, he probably won't even notice.

CharlotteUnaNatalieThompson · 24/10/2023 13:17

Well I have read all the post and I don't think you should do this.

I think you should tell him that the stuff either needs to be sorted by (a date that gives him time to sort it if he actually wants to) or you will throw it away because you need the space.

I don't think it's reasonable to throw someone's stuff out without giving them a chance to sort. I say this as someone very similar to your DH, so maybe you and everyone else will discount my point of view, but I'd be furious if DH did this. And I would notice, maybe not immediately but eventually...

Saying he's had months / years already doesn't really count as unless I have an immediate deadline everything goes on the nebulous "sometime in the future" list. Give him a deadline of 2-4 weeks. Then bung if it's still there

whatwasIgoingtosay · 24/10/2023 13:17

@VeridicalVagabond keep the half-burnt candles! If we get power outages you will be glad you did. 😁

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 24/10/2023 13:19

I'd get rid and don't mention it. If he asks "I'm not sure where that is, haven't seen it in ages" is your reply lol

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 24/10/2023 13:20

I would bin it. Personally. Waiting on DH to go away on a work trip so I can collect up all the dead appliances that there's some plan to harvest for "spares" and take to the recycling tip.

ChocolateCinderToffee · 24/10/2023 13:21

I couldn't stand for this. Do it, and keep doing it, and if he doesn't like it, get rid of him too.

takealettermsjones · 24/10/2023 13:22

Sorry for missing the point, but I misread your title as "to bite DP's junk while he's away," and it made me laugh, and then wonder how on earth you were planning to manage that 🤣

WollyParton · 24/10/2023 13:24

Recently had the ‘pleasure’ of clearing my hoarder-mum’s house. Binned almost all of it and she hardly noticed. I’d bin the lot if I were you

madeinmanc · 24/10/2023 13:32

YABU because it's such a "Mum" thing to do and you're not his mum (I hope). He has to do it himself.

LittleRayTheCat · 24/10/2023 13:51

CharlotteUnaNatalieThompson · 24/10/2023 13:17

Well I have read all the post and I don't think you should do this.

I think you should tell him that the stuff either needs to be sorted by (a date that gives him time to sort it if he actually wants to) or you will throw it away because you need the space.

I don't think it's reasonable to throw someone's stuff out without giving them a chance to sort. I say this as someone very similar to your DH, so maybe you and everyone else will discount my point of view, but I'd be furious if DH did this. And I would notice, maybe not immediately but eventually...

Saying he's had months / years already doesn't really count as unless I have an immediate deadline everything goes on the nebulous "sometime in the future" list. Give him a deadline of 2-4 weeks. Then bung if it's still there

I've done this in the past. I've asked, I've told, I've given him deadlines. Nothing happens. He has good intentions and then no time or inclination to actually follow up on them.

OP posts:
welcometothnuthouse · 24/10/2023 13:53

I wouldn't have to think twice it's gone to the bin under a ripped / messy bin liner.

LittleRayTheCat · 24/10/2023 13:54

takealettermsjones · 24/10/2023 13:22

Sorry for missing the point, but I misread your title as "to bite DP's junk while he's away," and it made me laugh, and then wonder how on earth you were planning to manage that 🤣

😂 😂 😂

OP posts:
lavenderlou · 24/10/2023 13:58

My DH is a hoarder. It's a mental health issue so I would not suggest having a huge clear out as that will cause big stress and arguments. I've found getting rid of a few bits regularly by stealth is easier. Otherwise we have agreed on certain areas in the house where he can store his crap stuff without impinging on the rest of us too much. He has pretty much taken over the garage, shed, loft, study and under-stairs cupboard but I just try not to look in them too often.

RB68 · 24/10/2023 13:58

I have one like this and things are overflowing, I regularly clear his desk and pockets but I have to bully him to bin stuff like old magazines which have interesting articles that he hasn't looked at for 5 yrs. Trying to get him to reduce books is a mare as well - well you never know when you want to cook a Latvian meal....or Russian or Polish or JUST FLIPPIN GOOGLE lol