To bin DP's junk while he's away?

[LittleRayTheCat]

DP collects junk. And I mean junk. He collects stuff because he doesn't sort his bag or pockets out enough; because he intends to do something with this junk later on; because he hates throwing stuff out which has some kind of meaning to us however fleeting; because he saves things for me to craft with at some point in the future.

Our under-stairs cupboard currently houses:
>A cracked refill coffee cup that DP intends to superglue and use as a plant pot in his office. He'll unlikely ever get around to super gluing it and never ever to getting a plant for it (unless I do it, which I absolutely won't).

>A backpack with a huge rip that DP intends to sew up or get professionally repaired. He's never sewed anything in his life and he'll likely not get around to finding a repair shop. Again, I'm not doing either of these things for him.

>A power bag for weightlifting which is leaking sand which DP intends to repair with duct tape. He won't get around to this and we bought a replacement bag so why bother anyway?

>A carrier bag full of papers, broken pens, scrolled up tissues, chocolate wrappers, train tickets, empty blister packs etc. that DP took from his old work bag when he got a new one. This has been on a shelf in the cupboard for two fucking years without any moves to get sorted out.

He's away for three days with work. AIBU to bin/recycle/rehome everything while he's away and then just never mention it? I very much bought he'll ever notice.

@LittleRayTheCat I've done this in the past. I've asked, I've told, I've given him deadlines. Nothing happens. He has good intentions and then no time or inclination to actually follow up on them.

But YOU didn't follow through. You give a deadline and say anything he hasn't dealt with you are planning to throw away as you need the space

Just to say there are no mental health or anxiety issues here. DP has good intentions to mend/repair/re-purpose stuff but never does the nitty gritty of actually doing it. So the stuff he intends to men/repair/re-purpose just sits in drawers and cupboards for years.

I would, of course, never throw out anything that's sentimental to him in any way. An old power bag, a broken cup and a ripped backpack are not sentimental - they are junk.

When I said he has 'paper' in his work junk carrier bag, I don't mean important papers. I mean scraps of paper with shit like "John, 10:30am, Office 201". Even the papers which do look important, haven't been so much as glanced at for two bloody years so they can't be that vital.

Sorry - I wasn't clear at all. I mean that when I've given deadlines, I absolutely have followed through on them. I meant nothing happens as in he doesn't actually do anything about the junk - he doesn't actually men or fix any of it, just lets the time lapse and I bin it.

Just to say there are no mental health or anxiety issues here. DP has good intentions to mend/repair/re-purpose stuff but never does the nitty gritty of actually doing it. So the stuff he intends to men/repair/re-purpose just sits in drawers and cupboards for years.

Have you thrown any of his stuff away before? What was the reaction? I didn't realise my DH was a hoarder until the reaction when I first cleared out some of his "junk".

OP, why not text him and say you're doing a clear out for him while he's away? That way if there's something he feel strongly about keeping, he can tell you, but otherwise you've got carte blanche to bin all the junk.

How precious can a carrier bag full of rubbish be if it’s been stuffed in a cupboard and ignored for two years.

Going forward, I’d speed up your “do something with this or it’s binned” deadlines. And stuff like carrier bags of rubbish don’t even go in the cupboard, do not pass go, straight into the bin. Because he’s not going to change wanting to keep this stuff, but you can change how long it lurks before you snap. And he knows what the agreed hoarding length is – hash it out between you, because currently I’d guess you want it to be “zero, stop putting stuff aside to mend that you’ll never mend” and he wants “indefinitely, forever”, so you both need to compromise.

Yes, I've done it before.

If I don't mention it, he just doesn't notice. If I do mention it, he's ranged from "Ok" to "Ah, thanks, sorry I didn't get around to it", to "Oh, I was going to repair that". But never been really pissed off, sulked, angry etc.

I would bin it all except the rucksack, but then I know how to sew and would be able to mend that. I've a tendency to keep things that need mending myself but the rest of it sounds like things that really won't ever be as good again, fixed or not (I picture the weight thing leaking sand even if duct-taped).

I hate throwing out other people's stuff but this really does sound like junk.

Yeah, I get this totally. I will absolutely do this.

When he said about the cracked cup (that he'd use it as a plant pot), I thought "No you won't because you'll never get around to super gluing it and then you'll never go and buy a plant. So what you mean is that you'd like to use it as a plant pot but you've basically given me a job to make it into a plant pot or else given me another bit of clutter for the understairs cupboard". I wish I'd said this and just binned the fucking thing.

I'm not making excuses for him but.... With the current carrier bag of doom, he actually put it in the cupboard one morning when he swapped work bags. He was pushed for time to sort the stuff out so he put it in a carrier bag, said he'd sort it the weekend, put it in the cupboard out of the way and left for work. That was two years ago.

I'm okay at sewing but I get precious little free time in my life anyway. I'm not spending a minute of it on DP's repair projects 😂 DP has never sewed anything in his life.

And, yes, the power bag will still leak if its taped. I have told DP this.

Yes, I think I'm going to go with something like this.

I'm going to get all his junk out, send him a list of everything there is and say "I am binning everything unless you say otherwise. If you do say otherwise, repair work needs to be done by end of October otherwise it's for the bin"

No need to text him. He's not even going to notice those things are missing and if he does, in years to come, just deny all knowledge.

I did this x 100. Dh is a collector of junk and always says “it may come in handy” or “il repair that”… knowing full well he never will and also seems to have an aversion to taking things to the tip (lazy!) so once when I was pregnant and sick to the back teeth of all his crap piled up in the garage (our 2nd fridge freezer is in there and all our outdoor coats/boots as well as having to get to things like the water/electric meter so it’s not like I didn’t have to see it regularly and could just ignore it) I got a house clearance company to come whilst he was away overnight and just take it all!

He was slightly miffed when he returned but seeing the nice clear, organised garage space mollified him and he got over it.

Unfortunately it is now back to the state it was before!!

Do it but don't tell him.

Is it possible this is hoarding? If so he needs therapy/ treatment just throwing it out will not solve the problem

My DH did this to me, after my initial brief outrage I was secretly quite relieved . Mine was also ‘projects’ that I was never going to get around to🤣 that list of things is absolute shite so yes , do it.

This. I really struggle to get rid of stuff but I make myself do it and can't remember the last time I missed something I'd got rid of.

My DH also has hoarding tendencies as he was raised to believe everything has use and nothing should ever be thrown out until completely worn out/broken. I chuck his shit out all the time and he never notices.

God yeah bin the lot
If it was his actual possessions then no
He's a human Womble!( I'm old)

No, its not hoarding. He has good intentions to mend or repair things or sort stuff out but then he's too busy, lazy, and distracted to actually do the tasks needed.

My DH is like this..

We downsized from a 3 bedroom house with a dining room to a 2 bed small house.
I had one box of my stuff..books, ornaments etc
He had 16!! He still hasn't unpacked about 14 of them. He's taken over our 2nd bedroom with his stuff. And has 2_sheds.
I'm slowly binning bits here and there. He collects cables, plugs, nuts and bolts etc. In case he needs them in the future..
He hasn't noticed bits I've chucked yet..
It drives me insane

Who throws nearly empty candles away? Melt down in an old pan and pour into ice cube trays..freeze. Instant wax melts.

Perhaps you could pull out a couple of the most meaningful items and do something sentimental with - stick them on the fridge or in a frame, then bin the rest. At least then he has a consolation prize?

I would suspect he’s someone for whom if he can’t see it, it may as well not exist.

So it’s under the stairs, it may as well be in the bin for as much as his brain can register its existence.

Throw it out.

Ibraveaflood- this is how it starts!!!!🤣 a box of old candle ends today…….
anyway , no need to do do that, they don’t need to be square, just cut/snap bits off .

The cracked refill coffee cup as plant pot reminds me simultaneously of DP smashing his kindle screen then suggesting we hang it above the fireplace as art, but also handy tips in Take a Break magazine.

Is he likely to look for any of that stuff. When was the last time he did look at any of it?

If it was no time recently get rid of the lot!