To bin DP's junk while he's away?

[LittleRayTheCat]

DP collects junk. And I mean junk. He collects stuff because he doesn't sort his bag or pockets out enough; because he intends to do something with this junk later on; because he hates throwing stuff out which has some kind of meaning to us however fleeting; because he saves things for me to craft with at some point in the future.

Our under-stairs cupboard currently houses:
>A cracked refill coffee cup that DP intends to superglue and use as a plant pot in his office. He'll unlikely ever get around to super gluing it and never ever to getting a plant for it (unless I do it, which I absolutely won't).

>A backpack with a huge rip that DP intends to sew up or get professionally repaired. He's never sewed anything in his life and he'll likely not get around to finding a repair shop. Again, I'm not doing either of these things for him.

>A power bag for weightlifting which is leaking sand which DP intends to repair with duct tape. He won't get around to this and we bought a replacement bag so why bother anyway?

>A carrier bag full of papers, broken pens, scrolled up tissues, chocolate wrappers, train tickets, empty blister packs etc. that DP took from his old work bag when he got a new one. This has been on a shelf in the cupboard for two fucking years without any moves to get sorted out.

He's away for three days with work. AIBU to bin/recycle/rehome everything while he's away and then just never mention it? I very much bought he'll ever notice.

The solution may be to replace your cupboards and drawers with shelves. Or those French things faced with chicken wire or glass.

Fill up the space as you go or he will.

Assuming the items don't have sentimental value, i.e. the item belonged to or was gifted by someone who passed away/was one he's had since a kid etc & that's you've said to him before that you'll bin if he doesn't sort them, this is what I would do:

>A cracked refill coffee cup: get rid

>A backpack with a huge rip: get rid

>A power bag for weightlifting: get rid

>A carrier bag full of papers, broken pens, scrolled up tissues, chocolate wrappers, train tickets, empty blister packs etc: Get rid of all except the papers

Going against the grain big time here but I think YABVU. It's not your 'junk' to discard of. If i had a few items I'd said I would mend (even if it had been 2 years) and i came home and my husband told me had had chucked out MY stuff, I would be livid. Why not be adult and upfront about it Op? Have a discussion with dh and say if x, y, z isn't moved /fixed by a certain date, you or he will throw them out. That's better than binning somebody else's possessions - and doing it with glee.
.

Sling it in the bin. Should he ever ask or notice when he puts the next useless object in there, tell him you had burglars whilst he was away that time.

He might not notice, but if he does it will cause a lot of resentment. Speaking as a (bit of a) hoarder.

Start off with the stuff he will never notice is gone

I've done this in the past. I've asked, I've told, I've given him deadlines. Nothing happens. He has good intentions and then no time or inclination to actually follow up on them.

Another who was going to say don’t do it. But dear god just do it. It sounds insufferable. He won’t notice.

I'm not sure he'd be resentful, TBH, he's pretty easygoing and would get the point that 2-years is too long for a fully-grown adult to keep a bag of rubbish without sorting it out.

Still @LittleRayTheCat I don't think you should do it without any discussion. A couple of the things I lost because of Ex's over zealousness were quite precious to me. Perhaps you could come to a compromise.

I would have, at the very least, dumped the carrier bag in the middle of his favourite chair at the beginning of the weekend and told him I expected it to be sorted out by the end of the day. Ditto with things he intends to mend - tell him he needs to mend it or throw it away by the end of the day, otherwise you will throw it.

Clear out the actual rubbish. Can't abide seeing collections of snotty tissues mixed with sweet wrappers dumped in cupboards etc (I have a similar type DH). I tend to put broken things in a bag in the garage. If he hasn't noticed their removal from the house in 6 months it gets thrown. If I ever query if he managed to mend something I get the "no, I cant remember where I put it", and thats before I move it to the garage.

In some people the dreams outway the inclination which is fine until those dreams impact others. Get rid.

This sounds like it's bordering on a hoarding compulsion! Keeping broken stuff that will never be repaired, and bags of literal rubbish like old receipts and empty blister packs, seems like a classic sign to me. And yes, absolutely chuck it out. It's just worthless crap that's taking up space in your life for no reason.

(The rubbish, I mean, not DH)

He's had multiple opportunities and more than enough time to actually DO something with this stuff, and he knows it bugs you in your shared space...so just get rid of it. He's never going to actually get round to doing anything with it.

Urgh, this is tricky because technically I don’t think it’s right to throw someone else’s stuff away, however ludicrous it is that they’ve kept it, but…… well, this sounds out of control.

I would probably opt for telling him you are going to clear out X cupboard / space etc. on Y weekend and if he wants anything in there he needs to deal with it before then. Hope he does nothing then chuck it out with a clear conscious.

The bag yes I would have throw out the next bin collection after he changed bags. The mug, the bag and weight I would tell him I am getting rid of in two weeks etc so he can either bring them to be repaired before then or else they are gone. And if they are still in the house in two weeks then do throw them out.

Oh Mr Monkey does this. I just tip it all in to the bin every few months. He never notices.

We have a rule that there are boxes in the hall cupboard to store anything that is to be kept.

I think he won’t notice and if he does he will likely be secretly relieved! I have hoarded in the past and when I finally get rid of the stiff this huge weight is lifted.

This type of small item hoarding, just in case mentality, would drive me mad. Bin it and don't mention it. He'll probably not even notice it missing.

Exactly this! If he asks you could say there were mice

It’s his property. YABU to dispose of his property without his permission.

OP the point is, he's told the junk will be binned by X date and then on day X the junk is taken to the tip by the person who wants to use the space.

Talk us through where this process is going awry and maybe we can suggest something.

I'll just say this as a well-intentioned caution: Please base what you do on who your husband actually is rather than what would be satisfying right now. Some people (I struggle with this, for the record) are a bit on the lazy and messy side and, while we can make excuses about using things in the future, once sense comes through and we see how nice everything is after junk is thrown out, we're fine and do our best to keep things that way.

On the other hand, hoarding can be a true sign of a mental issue (usually anxiety-related), and having everything suddenly gone can cause them to truly panic and possibly experience anger or even a type of grief. You're the only one here who knows how your husband is in this department. I hope he's just silly and messy, but if he's had more serious mental or emotional struggles lately, I'd maybe lean toward a serious talk about the larger issue beforehand. Good luck either way!

You gave him deadlines, but when he missed them there were no consequences?

Ahh aspirational junk. The stuff that will one day be fixed when we suddenly become crafters/doers and expert darners.

if stuff has been there untouched, unfixed for longer than 6 months - get rid.

going forward he has a month or so to fix things and do these jobs - or stuff is binned. and hold him to it. Add it to a visible calendar etc.

if he wants to go off for hobbies etc just remind him he has to fix/repair x and y and maybe he should spend hours doing that rather than an enjoyable hobby. oh he doesn’t want to miss out on enjoyable time in the pub/football etc - then he has to prioritise what he’s doing with his junk.