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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To bin DP's junk while he's away?

165 replies

LittleRayTheCat · 24/10/2023 12:53

DP collects junk. And I mean junk. He collects stuff because he doesn't sort his bag or pockets out enough; because he intends to do something with this junk later on; because he hates throwing stuff out which has some kind of meaning to us however fleeting; because he saves things for me to craft with at some point in the future.

Our under-stairs cupboard currently houses:
>A cracked refill coffee cup that DP intends to superglue and use as a plant pot in his office. He'll unlikely ever get around to super gluing it and never ever to getting a plant for it (unless I do it, which I absolutely won't).

>A backpack with a huge rip that DP intends to sew up or get professionally repaired. He's never sewed anything in his life and he'll likely not get around to finding a repair shop. Again, I'm not doing either of these things for him.

>A power bag for weightlifting which is leaking sand which DP intends to repair with duct tape. He won't get around to this and we bought a replacement bag so why bother anyway?

>A carrier bag full of papers, broken pens, scrolled up tissues, chocolate wrappers, train tickets, empty blister packs etc. that DP took from his old work bag when he got a new one. This has been on a shelf in the cupboard for two fucking years without any moves to get sorted out.

He's away for three days with work. AIBU to bin/recycle/rehome everything while he's away and then just never mention it? I very much bought he'll ever notice.

OP posts:
FartSock5000 · 25/10/2023 10:16

@LittleRayTheCat whilst he has a right to collect trash like a womble, you also have a right to live in a trash free home.

You've given him chances and deadlines, he didn't listen so now the 'collection' can go.

Bin it all.

If he ever notices, you tell him you binned it because leaving something for 2 years junking up the house is ridiculous.

BUT check with him on anything that may be sentimental or isn't damaged/broken because if he came home and binned your fav tea cup because it doesn't have a matching saucer anymore, you'd be upset and it is the same for him.

LatteLady · 25/10/2023 10:19

Just do it and do not mention it would be my advice. I suspect he has not needed any of his tit for 18 mths, so just do it.

Georgyporky · 25/10/2023 10:19

I would suggest you don't leave the rubbish in your own bins. Perhaps swap with a neighbour, or take to the Council tip.

LinaM20 · 25/10/2023 10:23

That’s what I do with my kids toys 😂
bag them up for 6 months and then if they don’t mos them then they go to the charity shop. My son is very much out of sight out of mind and he’s never noticed - he’s 18 now, I’m going to blitz his room when he’s at uni, if he doesn’t ask for any of it at Christmas then it’s gone! ( I’m talking kids books he’s still got and piles of school books not personal belongings)

RoseAndRose · 25/10/2023 10:43

Would you be happy with him binning your stuff?

Only do this if the answer is yes.

Because all you'll achieve is his upset (and space for more and different stuff to come in, which it will). You don't "solve" a hoarder like this. You have to bring their attitude round

Timeturnerplease · 25/10/2023 10:56

DH does this, so I do a clear out each school holiday (I’m a teacher) while he’s at work. In 15 years he’s never noticed.

Ginmonkeyagain · 25/10/2023 11:01

That is the oddest thing about this type of junk hoarders is they don't notice at all when it is gone.

I did have a tussle with Mr Monkey a little while back about a bag of various "healthy smacks" he had amassed as they are often given out free at runs he attends.

They were pretty much all out of date, yet he insisted they would get eaten - by who? I hadn't and he hadn't and now they were out of date, apart from a mouse who the hell was going to eat them?

FrangipaniBlue · 25/10/2023 11:01

Do it and come back in 5 years time to tell us that he's finally noticed Grin

madeinmanc · 25/10/2023 11:03

DP's junk 🙈

AdoraBell · 25/10/2023 11:09

YANBU. I couldn’t live like that.

Takeitonthechin · 25/10/2023 14:10

I wouldn't get rid of it all at once, I'd do it bit by bit over months, this way, he will wonder what on earth he did with it.
If it all goes at once it could cause a bigger argument.

INeedAnotherName · 25/10/2023 14:15

LinaM20 · 25/10/2023 10:23

That’s what I do with my kids toys 😂
bag them up for 6 months and then if they don’t mos them then they go to the charity shop. My son is very much out of sight out of mind and he’s never noticed - he’s 18 now, I’m going to blitz his room when he’s at uni, if he doesn’t ask for any of it at Christmas then it’s gone! ( I’m talking kids books he’s still got and piles of school books not personal belongings)

Don't do that with the kids books please. If he's 18 and still has them then it's because they are sentimental. Check with him first. I'm still scouring ebay for some of mine that my mum got rid of 50 yrs ago. They meant a lot.

LittleRayTheCat · 25/10/2023 14:44

There are no MH issues with DP.

The trouble is that he has good intentions to repair things but no time or real inclination. So he puts them in the cupboard until he gets around to it. But he never gets around to it because he has no time and he's an "out of sight, out of mind" type of person. So the junk just sits there.

On the 'sentimental stuff'. As I said, its not actually important things, its just objects or bits of paper that we've had a giggle over for half an hour. He keeps them with the idea that they'll go in a scrapbook. Nice idea but he's never done scrapbooking in his life and has no intention to start so these random objects/papers just hang around the house, never to be looked at again.

You've made up my mind, I'm binning everything tonight.

OP posts:
JaneFarrier · 25/10/2023 14:47

I agree about the books - unless they are ones he actively didn't like or want, hang on to them! He might want to share them with the next generation someday. I'm so glad my mum kept ours (although ones that we owned individually, we took with us when we moved).

CasaAmarela · 25/10/2023 15:22

AnaisMae · 24/10/2023 12:55

I came here to say YABU off the title alone, but when I read it you are definitely not being unreasonable and yes I'd throw it all.

Same here. It is literal junk so YANBU.

Thelittleweasel · 25/10/2023 15:23

@LittleRayTheCat

If you dispose of it make sure it is off the premises. I dealt with a DF hoarding and if it were left in the garden rather than taken to tip they would retrieve it and conceal indoors!

jhy · 25/10/2023 15:37

Just bin it!
I'm one of these people who keep broken things, knowing full well I'll never do anything with and now my DS is the same so it's x2 junk loads. It's not sentimental/MH it is more of a guilt/wanting to not waste but ultimately it's just clogging up my house. I'd be relieved if my DP took it upon himself to clear it all out instead of me.

LittleRayTheCat · 25/10/2023 16:15

I'm afraid it'll have to stay on the premises because I don't have a car, so I can't get to the tip. I'm confident that even if DP noticed his missing treasures, he wouldn't go rifling through the outside bin for them.

I can dump some stuff in the park bin, but a 20kg power bag might be a bit challenging to do an Andy Dufresne number with.

OP posts:
PTSDBarbiegirl · 25/10/2023 16:22

Do you mind if his mother pops round and clears out all your 'junk'?!!!

Totally get the nuclear irritation Factor but you have no right to dispose of anyone else's things, shit or not. Some people hoard crap due to CPTSD or other reasons but if you previously agreed to him bringing it and now say no then he might never trust you again. It's very insensitive IMHO.

Speak to him and support him to get rid and help him to do it.

OldandTired66 · 25/10/2023 16:26

In this case, no obvious MH hoarding issues, I would just bin it (but he'll just fill the space with more crap). I'm just interested in all the pp pointing out it how unreasonable it is to throw someone elses junk out because of mental health without considering the mental health of the person who has to put up with all this crap (me).

addictedtotheflats · 25/10/2023 16:28

Absolutely, get it gone. I always bin my DP's things he's never noticed. Can't stand hoarding

LinaM20 · 25/10/2023 18:24

Don’t worry, these are kids books that “he’ll get around to reading at some point” mostly given as presents, not his beloved ones. I know which ones he loves.

Jellybean23 · 25/10/2023 18:31

Bin it. The row will be worth it.

frenchfries111 · 25/10/2023 18:36

I’ve done this. DH hardly remembers the items, if you show them to him they suddenly become incredibly important and must be kept forever (then he forgets again).

My main bugbear at the moment is a broken jewellery box that he bought his mum when he was 11. It’s big and cheap (hence why it broke). I don’t want it, DD doesn’t want it. It’s broken anyway, and is taking up room in a cupboard. He won’t ever ever fix it. He thinks he has to keep anything that was ever in his parents house and they are incredibly important. This has included broken electricals.

He complained recently that I sont want to move somewhere bigger as we could get ‘more stuff’ which is exactly why I don’t want to move.

PurpleBugz · 25/10/2023 19:48

Broken stuff yeah get rid. The carrier bag of crap may have paperwork in he wants so maybe not that unless you want to sort it yourself?

I'm chaotic and have multiple bags of crap I need to sort and would be very upset if a partner binned them. But if they binned all the crap I have stored I plan to repurpose but haven't got around to I'd accept it's fair enough