Christmas Leave 'I have kids'

[paintityellow]

Yes I know this comes up every year, but it's so bloody annoying. The Christmas leave list went around in September, with it being specified that priority for Christmas Day would be given to people who worked it last year.
Despite this we now have a couple of people really trying to pressure others to give up Christmas Day because 'I have kids'. One of these women has had the last 3 Christmas Days off, the other's kids are teenagers. One of the people they're trying to pressure wants to fly home to spend Christmas day with her parents, Another has no family in the area so also wants to travel home for Christmas. Both worked last year.
AIBU to find this attitude infuriating?

I worked in the City so no requirement to work actual Christmas Day, but we DID need cover every day except New Years day (we worked 31/12), Christmas Eve and Boxing Day etc.

I ALWAYS did New Years Eve as I honestly just don't care that much and there were lots of more party-focused people in the office! I also was usually quite happy to do the week before Christmas including Christmas Eve as it was usually really quiet, we could sidle off a bit early on Christmas Eve so as long as I didn't have to travel to family for Christmas, I was happy to do this. It had nothing to do with kids/no kids. In fact, our department was pretty low on people with DC but high on people with international connections who liked to party!

Having said that, a colleague liked to work the week between Christmas and New Year becuase it tended to be quiet - including the commute -, her DH was always off so could do the childcare, and she could save her leave for when the DC had holidays.

This makes me mad… No it is not selfish to want to spend time with your family and no it isn’t being ‘not able to show compassion’. The entitled attitude of some parents does my head in.
Why should someone without kids/not able to have kids/who has lost their kids/who hasn’t yet had kids have to get the raw end of the deal every Christmas!
My DD hasn’t been able to come home for three years at Christmas because of the ‘People with kids have to have priority or you are being selfish’ attitude.
She has had to spend Christmas alone or tag unto someone else’s family Christmas or work because apparently it is selfish of her to book enough leave over Christmas to get home.
Well guess what she is my child and I want to see her at Christmas as does her elderly grandfather and her disabled brother. She worked all of last Christmas including choristers eve/Christmas Day/Boxing Day so stuff Aboyne who says she is selfish to insist ( and book early) this Christmas off. My child is just as important as ‘your child’
Christmas should be fairly worked out…

No they don't. People choose to have children- that doesn't mean they get preferential treatment every Christmas for 16 years.

Hahahaha can you actually hear yourself? Pot, kettle, black on the selfishness. You bet that me doing what I want at Christmas is more important to me than some random kid.

I used to say, I didn't not have children so I could cover christmas for the people that did. I am as entitled as the next person, kids or not, to take christmas off. In saying that I have swapped with someone on one occasion who was a single parent so she could have christmas day off, but I specified she had to do a similar favour for me when it suited me later in the year. It didnt really suit me as i have an elderly mother so we had christmas lunch late and it was my 'turn' . But it is the entitlement attitude of some.of the mothers that used to really pee me off.

I would say it's ok to ask as some people won't mind. It's also ok to say no and mean it. But it's not ok to pressure people

This is why I frequently handed my notice in just before Christmas - because nobody would ever take into account that childminders didn't work for two weeks, holiday clubs weren't open, not everybody has relatives available and even though I was actually only trying for 3 days to cover school finishing and Christmas Eve, they were all determined that they had more right because they wanted a whole two weeks and I could just, oh, I don't know - drop them off at an orphanage, maybe, so I could sit in an empty office with the phone not ringing?

What's compassionate about expecting someone without children to do things you refuse to?

You don't need to emphasise the elderly grandparent and disabled brother. She is as entitled to her fair share of Christmas Day holidays as anyone else.

If you really think a six year old who still believes in Santa having a magical day with their parents isn't more important than a middle aged woman spending time with their also adult parents you are very selfish

This is a very narrow minded and ignorant view, congratulations. Its also possible to make Christmas day enjoyable and magical for your children when you work it, the key is realising the world doesn't revolve around you and your children and others shouldnt feel obliged to prioritise your family over their own. I feel thankful that at the end of the shift I have been able to go home to my healthy and happy DS, working with children who are very poorly and their families really puts it into perspective.

oh come on, do pack up your tiny violin will you.

I'd sympathise with a single parent with no family at all, because frankly, there's pretty much no childcare on Christmas day, so it must be a nightmare.

That aside, you can have young kids who believe in Santa, you can give a magical Christmas to your children, having to work at Christmas does not prevent any of it.

I do have young children. I still don't believe that's any excuse to get priority for Christmas!

I agree with people having to take turn, or some preferring to work at Christmas but have New Year off.

Wrong. My Christmas is not about your children.

Tend to agree.

Also, we have family in Europe. Where they do the Christmas gift giving on Christmas Eve. Do you know what? In all the years we've spent Christmases together, this has NEVER been a problem? We just build in different traditions. Santa comes early/santa comes late. One year when the European kids were a bit older but ours were still smaller, the bigger kids really enjoyed helping to create the English tradition of Santa over night.

Not sure why you considering her, or anyone, to be selfish is something that anyone needs to give a fuck about 🤷🏻‍♀️ like all whining, it’s best ignored.

Don't budge
I worked Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, Boxing Day, NYE and NYD for 7 years in a row
The absolute tantrum someone had when she had to work Christmas Day for the first time in 7 years was unbelievable and she kicked off that I got the whole lot off. Despite her never having worked a Christmas Day in those 7 years...

Lots of people have lots of reasons for wanting Christmas off
Elderly parents or relatives who may not see another Christmas
Living away from family having to travel
Partner working on the other days
It isn't just about kids. It needs to be fairly allocated

*DragonFly98 · Today 15:39

If you really think a six year old who still believes in Santa having a magical day with their parents isn't more important than a middle aged woman spending time with their also adult parents you are very selfish.*

I didn’t have children til later in life, are you honestly saying for the 25 years of TTC, grieving and going through the adoption process I should never have had Christmas with my extended family (including dearly loved nephews and nieces) to facilitate those people who were able to conceive?

For many years I worked night shifts 22nd to 24th December finishing my run of nights on Christmas morning, or I’d start a set of 4 nights on Christmas Day night. I would also often do the late/early on NYE/NYD as it’s not a big celebration for me. What really annoyed me were the years where I was put on 12 hour shifts on Christmas Day and Boxing Day when everyone else was on a 7 hour early or late shift on one of them; I only got something different because a colleague with no UK ties and not from Christian background so didn’t celebrate Christmas offered to work Christmas Day as she hadn’t been put on any of the shifts.

Another year I was on call for a care agency from the 4pm 23rd to 10am 27th and then put on a 6 hour day with a dementia client on Christmas Day which would have left my husband at home on his own on Christmas day due to his working pattern. Other people were working 3 hours - that, to me, was unfair when I was giving up what was my rostered weekend off to cover the on call system and then working New Years weekend while other people were doing 3 hours total over the 4 ‘special duty’ days. I left the company the following year and heard the person who always only worked 3 hours was put on a split day 7-12 and 5.30-8.30 and told they had had more than their fair share of the easy shifts!!

I think people are more amenable to swapping shifts, or picking up the crap hours if those who are asking for time off pull their weight at other times - but, if it’s the same people off every bank holiday or special occasion, it grates with those left to pick up the pieces. I also think, those with elderly or seriously unwell relatives should have as much priority as parents at Christmas.

I friend of mine works Christmas day and boxing day every year. She has done since her daughter was about 10. But back then worked 4-12 Christmas day and new years day. So she still got to see DD and have Christmas dinner with her.

Now her DD has grown up she does the earlier shift Christmas day and new years day. She travels up to Scotland on the train about a week before Christmas. Where her DD lives now with partner and GC. They celebrate an early Christmas day with them. She gets triple pay for working though so it's worth it.

If you really think a six year old who still believes in Santa having a magical day with their parents isn't more important than a middle aged woman spending time with their also adult parents you are very selfish.

Fine. I'll wear it.

'Selfish' or 'rude' seem to be the worst insults it's possible to level at any woman (note the middle-aged woman stipulation above) as though they've committed the ultimate sin.

They are fine to be selfish, just as much so as others' desire to spend Christmas with their children, and they don't have to explain their reasons. We all have priorities in their lives. 'Middle aged women' are entitled to theirs. They are not the default support humans who automatically sacrifice them on the altar of being 'unselfish'. Since when did this ever do them any favours?

Thankfully a lot more women are questioning and challenging this assumption of late, which is as it should be. Children do not always come first. Frankly, if more of them were to learn this lesson it would be no bad thing.

Neither dh and I ever work on Christmas Day so it's not relevant to our family. That's great that you are family but as I said it's not about adult being with their children or not. It's about young children being with their parents. Celebrate Christmas in the evening or on another day if you are an adult it's irrelevant, for children in matters.
Your ds may have been happy but I can guarantee you he was happier the years you didn't work.

I have kids and got a job where the workplace closes for Christmas.

It doesn't matter if you want to spend your Christmas with your nine children and forty grandchildren or if you want to spend it on your sofa with your goldfish and a box set. Everyone should get their turn, no one person's wish should trump another's.

I think the issue arises mainly from the fact many see Christmas as a day with presents and that's it.
My Christmas are 3 days (the main part), it's about family, remembering loved ones, keeping traditions, enjoying time together while we can, making and eating food together, games, some pressies.
Yeah we all like baby jesus bringing us pressies, but that's not what Christmas is all about.

Because the impact of that is making people with no kids work

why should someone else kids dictate my Christmas

when mine were small both of us had to work over Christmas and wife had to take turns on Christmas Day as well that’s just life on the demands of the jobs we choose to work in