Christmas Leave 'I have kids'

[paintityellow]

Yes I know this comes up every year, but it's so bloody annoying. The Christmas leave list went around in September, with it being specified that priority for Christmas Day would be given to people who worked it last year.
Despite this we now have a couple of people really trying to pressure others to give up Christmas Day because 'I have kids'. One of these women has had the last 3 Christmas Days off, the other's kids are teenagers. One of the people they're trying to pressure wants to fly home to spend Christmas day with her parents, Another has no family in the area so also wants to travel home for Christmas. Both worked last year.
AIBU to find this attitude infuriating?

I posted a couple of years back about priority for annual leave being given to those of us who hadn't been furloughed (there was no need for furlough and it was done for childcare purposes). My colleagues had agreed it prior to furlough but had their arse in their hands when it actually happened. I was wavering about giving up the priority. A couple of posters so bloody nasty that I dug my heels in and had what I wanted.

It's mad, they try and manipulate but are so poor at it that everyone does the opposite of what they want.

There is an increasingly large number of older, childfree and childless people, though, and many of us aren’t interested in going out raging on New Year’s Eve, at all. Our Christmases are important to us, and so we have equal claim to the holidays. As does every single employee. Personal circumstances shouldn’t come into it.

I suspect that some of the 'Christmas is about Children and to make memories' brigade are more about the adult parents making memories than the children which is honestly fine but shouldn't come at the cost of adult childfree couple making memories with their family.

I support a rotation of holidays for fairness, or finding a job that doesn't require Christmas working.

I couldn't care less about NYE. I care about being with my husband and my family at Christmas. Just because there's no children involved doesn't make our day any less special.

This is an issue that always gets my goat.

I absolutely love Christmas. It’s my favourite time of year and I go all out. I don’t have kids but I do have parents, a brother and SIL and a nephew that I love seeing on Christmas.

I have a family. Just because I didn’t have kids doesn’t mean I have less of a family than those who did.

As Christmas is so important to me, I don’t and won’t work in a place that requires me to work it. I just won’t apply for jobs like that. Not my thing.

If I did, I couldn’t justify refusing to work days and hours that are in my contract. No matter the reason. Why do some parents think they’re so entitled that they can just opt out of working their contractual hours?

And I don’t buy the childcare issue either. If your work rotates the Christmas working year after year and you didn’t work the year before, you know there’s a very good chance that you’ll be working the year after. That’s a full year to sort childcare. It’s not an emergency. It’s an absolute failure and refusal to plan because you fully expect someone else will give up their plans and day for you because you have kids.

The entitlement is rife with some people. No, your plans aren’t more important or special than someone else’s.

Also, when does it end? If some parents refuse to work Christmas whilst their kids are young, what age will they decide to do their turn?

what about when other colleagues start having kids and the cycle goes around again? Are the childfree/childless expected to pick up the slack continuously and lose out on their Christmases year after year because well their team keep having kids?

This.

I am generally very pro-children and child friendly so to speak, hence I’ve been made a godmother to various friends kids. I spent my entire 20s working with vulnerable children and know about real childhood trauma and neglect - mum or dad having to work a Christmas shift so family celebrate on the 24th or have Christmas dinner a bit later on the 25th isn’t it!

The emotive language here used against childfree adults wanting Christmas off is indeed so manipulative and dramatic. And it’s not about the kids as pp have pointed out. It’s certain adults weaponising having kids to get what they want and covering it up by talking about “magical Christmases” being ruined.

Parents and non-parents have pointed out so many times on this thread reasons why it might be even more important for a childfree adult to have Christmas off, eg. Travelling to Visit family on Christmas Eve to avoid being completely alone after their shift.

And still these selfish entitled people keep showing off their total disregard and lack of empathy. I can’t believe they’re raising children, I can only imagine how will they'll grow up.

I’m bowing out of this thread and this will be my last post here as the point has been made well by many others and I’ve said what I have to say .

I’m just glad that most people- have actually been decent about this whether they have kids or not and the selfish adults who are selectively compassionate are in a clear minority. As I’ve said many times mosy parents are not entitled it’s only a few.

I too am glad most parents have supported this. It's also worth noting that not everyone is childfree by choice and they, too, would like to see children on Christmas day. Nieces and nephews, the closest they will have to their own. It's pretty insensitive to kick them in the teeth about their lack of children at what is probably a hard time of year as it is, especially when all they want is to take the time when it is their turn, which they are entitled to.

These posters who squeal about time off with their precious DC would be the first to squeal if their employers declined their application for a job because they had children!

Ain't that the truth

Already there are too many employers who do everything they can to avoid hiring women of childbearing age, precisely because they know the entitlement some bring with them - illegal of course, but it's hard to blame them when you read some of the comments on here

Maybe for her having the Christmasses off was worth it. Not everyone wants a career, they just work for money.

That doesn't detract from the wider issue that parents with young kids should not receive priority for Christmas, though.

Already there are too many employers who do everything they can to avoid hiring women of childbearing age, precisely because they know the entitlement some bring with them - illegal of course, but it's hard to blame them when you read some of the comments on here

No, they just want to avoid women of any age. Women are always the wrong age.

Because men never demand anything, are never ill and always work on Christmas Day.

The patriarchy is alive and well.

Are the childfree/childless expected to pick up the slack continuously and lose out on their Christmases year after year because well their team keep having kids?

It seems they are by some on here. Some parents are prepared to cover for other parents but not for the childless/childfree as they don’t think they should need or want to have Christmas off and shouldn’t have priority. So the childless/childfree get the shitty end of the stick year after year.

Maybe for her having the Christmasses off was worth it. Not everyone wants a career, they just work for money.

This was me, more or less, during my life as a nurse. When married, with children, I worked only on the Bank. That way I could pick and choose when to work so no problems with school holidays or Xmas. Of course that meant I never climbed the ranks to secure a nice management job in my middle-age/older age!

Absolutely. We do nothing to help ourselves

Erm I was actually being ironic. Men are just as likely to take time off and be entitled!

Are the childfree/childless expected to pick up the slack continuously and lose out on their Christmases year after year because well their team keep having kids

It appears so, or those with older kids who apparently don't need or want to see them anymore.

This thread and the concept in general really gets my goat.

I’m not childless by choice, I’m currently going through a diagnosis of premature ovarian failure at the age of 37.

The other reason I prefer to be off on Xmas day is because my wonderful Dad who is single and lives alone only has me now, my younger sibling died in 2016 (in his sleep, the 1st December - three days before his 26th birthday), so if I’m working Xmas day (as a nurse) he is entirely alone, to ponder his dead child, his one remaining child who is at work (probably being spoken to like shit), and the grandchildren he’ll never have - a stark and incredibly painful contrast to the happy Xmas days that we had when my brother and I were little. It doesn’t really matter to me personally whether I work Xmas day or not, but it absolutely does matter that I don’t leave my dad at home alone on that particular day.

Everyone has their own unique and compelling reasons for wanting to be with their family, a random colleagues kids getting a nice day doesn’t touch the sides.

It is not just Christmas though is it? I have friends saying it is impossible to get Easter period off because of school holidays, likewise half term. Why should childless people have to take second place throughout the year to parents especially those with teenagers

All that and you could have some AH rubbing it in your face about the wonders of having children at Christmas. So sorry you and your family had to go through all that.

I agree with other posters points of set rotas and 'get a job that doesn't have christmas working' if you require it.

But there is a wild undercurrent of anger from some posters that is pushing the narrative almost the other way.

Surely understanding both sides is what we are looking for here, not 'I'm refusing to swap with someone who has kids now, out of principle'.

Half days split etc, there are lots of ways to manage it so people can have both.

I'm sorry about your diagnosis and about the loss of your brother.

I don’t think the undercurrent of anger is aimed against parents, but entitled parents.

There’s a difference between someone who requests something knowing they’re not entitled to it over anyone else, and someone that demands something because they believe they’re owed it by being important than anyone else. I think refusing on principle is absolutely fair and understandable when dealing with the latter.

In kindness and not a criticism - Why would they need half term off if they don't have kids? Prices for holidays are jacked up, everything is full of kids. It would seem sensible to go another time?

Because they have friends / partners who are teachers?
Because they want to do something with school-age nieces, nephews, godchildren etc?
Because a special birthday / anniversary happens to fall over half term and they want to do something on the actual day?
Because there’s a specific event they want to go to?

I’m sure there are lots of other reasons as well!

The lack of imagination is incredible.

-Partner who works in education/academia?
-Friend they want to go on holiday with, as above?
-Visiting family who have DC?
-Friends, as above?
-Special events that take place during Easter?

There's 1,001 reasons someone who isn't a parent might want/need holidays during Easter but you're looking at it purely from a parent's perspective.

Maybe their wife/husband/partner is a teacher, so it's the only opportunity for a holiday together?

Like my DH, we're childfree, and I work in a school. My DH tries to book some of his holidays at the same time as mine. Despite us not having children.