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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset about what happened this weekend

181 replies

Onthedownlow9 · 23/10/2023 00:01

I was staying over at a new partners house over the weekend. I know he’s really good mates with the man who lives next door to him. After we had sex I saw he was laughing and smirking whilst reading his text messages and he did end up showing me them but I feel disgusted. Basically his neighbour was saying he heard our ‘session’ and sent messages such as ‘go on😈’ and some other weird things. I feel like a piece of meat and don’t appreciate that they were discussing it over text? Aibu? Do I need to lighten up?

OP posts:
FarEast · 23/10/2023 11:48

I’d not be having sex with at man again. YANBU

hwaclanhdead · 23/10/2023 11:52

In the bin.
There's no way I would put up with that.

StrawberryWater · 23/10/2023 12:02

Get rid of him.

He’s already discussing your sex life with his neighbour. How long do you think it is before he asks neighbour to join in? Grim.

AzureBlue99 · 23/10/2023 12:09

Men are basic pigs. I heard a guy chatting to his mate at the weekend, he sighed, and said, fucking hell I have got to go and see this bird later. Don't wanna but I need a shag. I took that to mean, she thought it was going to be a date, and he wanted to dispense with the romantic hoops to jump through, and just have the shag and leave. They think very differently.

SmileyClare · 23/10/2023 12:13

I don’t know your age but it’s clear you view this differently. He’s probably still at the stage where he’s just glad he’s persuaded someone to have sex.

Youre calling this a relationship and him your bf.

Ive told friends about men I’ve had sex with and laughed with them about it/ rated their performance when it’s just a fun thing.

Clearly you really enjoyed the sex if it was that noisy but I don’t think this man is relationship material.

SmileyClare · 23/10/2023 12:17

To add, if you didn’t enjoy the sex that much but were making lots of appreciative noises to massage his ego then stop doing that. 😬

I always found the first shag with someone new wasn’t that earth shattering due to a bit of awkwardness/ nerves and it got better after a few gos.

Americano75 · 23/10/2023 12:17

That's disgusting. Please bin him.

Pr1mr0se · 23/10/2023 12:19

YANBU and no you do not need to 'lighten up'. Find a better person to have a relationship with.

Nowherenew · 23/10/2023 12:23

Frasers · 23/10/2023 11:39

Exactly, you’re letting it be known there is a problem but trying to make it light and jokey as it’s so awkward. I’d prob respond in kind too but be mortified. And I’d do what he did, let my partner see the text so he got the hint.

there is no reason anyone should hear you have sex unless they are in the same room. Man or woman,no one needs to moan so loudly the neighbours can hear and basically complain, because that’s what this was, a complaint dressed up to soften it.

Show quote history

I completely agree!

CasaAmarela · 23/10/2023 12:27

Nowherenew · 23/10/2023 10:28

I think you’re being a bit sensitive.

The neighbour let him know he could hear you - something that MNers say to do all of the time.

Then the boyfriend was laughing about it, which I think many people would do in that situation.

How did you want him to react?
Did you want him to get angry at the friend?

I agree.

This entire thread is nuts.

pickyourown · 23/10/2023 12:39

Urgh your update is even worse.
Please don’t give him a round 2

LifeExperience · 23/10/2023 12:39

He's an immature twat. Get rid!

FeetupTvon · 23/10/2023 12:41

Yuck!
Instant put-off.
I’d never want him anywhere near me again… I’d also tell him why. 🤢

Monetm · 23/10/2023 12:45

TomatoSandwiches · 23/10/2023 00:16

If you see the next door neighbour let him know you're sorry about the noise but it was your bfs first go at getting pegged.

Then leave the smirking bastard.

This made me lol, but… there isn’t anything wrong with getting pegged, whether or not it’s an act than appeals to MN users, and promoting the idea that it’s shameful or embarrassing for a man isn’t really any better than shaming or sexualising or perving on a woman for enjoying being on the receiving end of penetrative sex. Which is kind of what the OP was complaining about in the first place.

Also OP they sound like grim twins and you should totally get rid.

uncomfortablydumb53 · 23/10/2023 12:56

How juvenile
Get rid I wouldn't even speak to him again in case he passes that on

FinallyHere · 23/10/2023 13:00

TomatoSandwiches · 23/10/2023 00:16

If you see the next door neighbour let him know you're sorry about the noise but it was your bfs first go at getting pegged.

Then leave the smirking bastard.

This.

SmokeyToo · 23/10/2023 13:16

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 23/10/2023 01:12

Please let me know your secret for orgasming silently.

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Picture your parents standing at the end of your bed?

Planesmistakenforstars · 23/10/2023 13:16

Your update makes it so much worse. If he'd ignored the texts that's one thing, but he's engaging in it and encouraging it. I agree it's indicative of him seeing you as a piece of meat. Hopefully he doesn't have intimate pictures to share with his friend, because odds are that he has or will.

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 23/10/2023 13:23

SmokeyToo · 23/10/2023 13:16

Picture your parents standing at the end of your bed?

Show quote history

That's how I would go about preventing an orgasm.

BardRelic · 23/10/2023 13:33

There seem to be an awful lot of very naive posters on here who will put up with any old crap from men. These are not nice guys being sweetly embarrassed. They're Beavis and Butt-Head egging each other on and treating the OP as if she's meat. She deserves better. We all do.

Spiritt · 23/10/2023 14:28

Startingagainandagain · 23/10/2023 08:23

Dump him.

I would say this is not the first time that they have indulged in this little game (exchanging comments about the women they sleep with and sex in general) and it is creepy as hell...the guy probably has his ears glue to the wall and is getting off on it.

You said he is a new partner, he has now showed you who he really is so get rid of him without delay.

This. He will also probably telling all about the sex to his mates and colleagues. Some men share all the details, I hear them everyday. 😡🤢

Greenberg2 · 23/10/2023 16:28

BardRelic · 23/10/2023 13:33

There seem to be an awful lot of very naive posters on here who will put up with any old crap from men. These are not nice guys being sweetly embarrassed. They're Beavis and Butt-Head egging each other on and treating the OP as if she's meat. She deserves better. We all do.

I can't believe anyone is that naive: I think they are either men who like to encourage women to put up with crap treatment or women who put up with it themselves and don't want to be alone it this.

AnythingBUTnursing · 24/10/2023 06:53

Tell him to jog on. Sounds like he doesn't respect you if your expecting anything serious or long term.

Rightsraptor · 24/10/2023 07:17

Next time, this odious man will probably have installed a camera somewhere in the room for the further amusement of his neighbour.

Please get rid of him now.

Feelinglow27 · 24/10/2023 07:35

Pigs. The older I get the less I like men.

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