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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset about what happened this weekend

181 replies

Onthedownlow9 · 23/10/2023 00:01

I was staying over at a new partners house over the weekend. I know he’s really good mates with the man who lives next door to him. After we had sex I saw he was laughing and smirking whilst reading his text messages and he did end up showing me them but I feel disgusted. Basically his neighbour was saying he heard our ‘session’ and sent messages such as ‘go on😈’ and some other weird things. I feel like a piece of meat and don’t appreciate that they were discussing it over text? Aibu? Do I need to lighten up?

OP posts:
VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 23/10/2023 08:29

SmileyClare · 23/10/2023 08:19

Hmm are you one of those people that can’t yawn quietly either?

I used to have a neighbour who got really vocal and dramatic during sex and I didn’t text “Go on” but I resorted to loud clapping after she’d finished her performance just to let her know we could all hear.

It seemed to do the trick.

Show quote history

are you one of those people that can’t yawn quietly either?

Yes! I just tried it several times (yawning, I mean) and basically I couldn't end the yawn until my vocal cords got involved, I was stuck in the yawn.

I'm autistic, so maybe it's a manifestation of my sensory processing differences?

Daffodilsandtuplips · 23/10/2023 08:34

That would be the last time I’d have sex with him. The pair of them are immature idiots.

Isthisexpected · 23/10/2023 08:35

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 23/10/2023 01:34

I don't have children.

I've found that I can keep quiet until the moment of climax, but then my vocal cords engage whether I want them to or not.

Show quote history

So you think if your parents or your boss walked in you'd be physically unable to not shriek?!

Isthisexpected · 23/10/2023 08:36

I think I'd be worried about this to the extent I'd end the relationship. Not just from a respect point of view, but also personal safety.

jedwardscissorhands22 · 23/10/2023 08:37

Massively going against the grain here but other than being mortified that the neighbour heard, I wouldn't get worked up over this.

You had a noisy sex session, someone overheard. The decent thing from the neighbour would have been to ignore it but he immaturely sent a message and I'm not sure there's any other way to deal with such embarrassment than to find humour in it. What did you want your partner to do? Go round and read him the riot act?

SmileyClare · 23/10/2023 08:37

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 23/10/2023 08:29

are you one of those people that can’t yawn quietly either?

Yes! I just tried it several times (yawning, I mean) and basically I couldn't end the yawn until my vocal cords got involved, I was stuck in the yawn.

I'm autistic, so maybe it's a manifestation of my sensory processing differences?

Show quote history

Oh dear 😂
So you can’t even be quiet if you’re doing a bit of “solo sex”?
Being quieter is a useful skill to master if you can!

Daffodil18 · 23/10/2023 08:38

I’m going to go against the grain and say it could be a silly way of letting his mate know that you were being noisy. So that next time you both keep it down.

AltitudeCheck · 23/10/2023 08:40

TomatoSandwiches · 23/10/2023 00:16

If you see the next door neighbour let him know you're sorry about the noise but it was your bfs first go at getting pegged.

Then leave the smirking bastard.

This^^ 👏👏👏👏

Seriously OP ditch him now. How he responded to this shows you who he is, who his friends are, how they both think of women...

Doubleespresso23 · 23/10/2023 08:45

TomatoSandwiches · 23/10/2023 00:16

If you see the next door neighbour let him know you're sorry about the noise but it was your bfs first go at getting pegged.

Then leave the smirking bastard.

I would do this 😂 but in a lighthearted way. The neighbour commenting wouldn’t bother me as I probably would have a similar sense of humour but if you find it offensive then tell him. Good communication can easily fix a situation and he may just totally not realise. But definitely tell him it made you uncomfortable.

HoldOnMiGenna · 23/10/2023 08:45

What's with the "going against the grain" here, as if men are like gold dust?
Is there not a Sahara Vagina thing going on imagining one's partner indulging in some " ooo, err" with his mate about your sex sessions immediately after, like a Carry On fiim made by virginal schoolboys?
This without even considering one's vulnerability post climax?

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 23/10/2023 08:47

Isthisexpected · 23/10/2023 08:35

So you think if your parents or your boss walked in you'd be physically unable to not shriek?!

Show quote history

Do you think I'd be able to orgasm in that circumstance? I'd be shrieking "get out of my bedroom!" and sex would be the last thing on my mind.

baileybrosbuildingandloan · 23/10/2023 08:51

Wingedharpy · 23/10/2023 00:22

Who was making the noise OP?

Unfortunately, I hear my next door neighbour having sex when his girlfriend stays over - but it's her making the racket, not him.

No need for screaming and shrieking IMHO - especially if you're in a terraced house.

Do you then discuss it whilst smirking with your neighbour?
As that is the issue here.

Greenberg2 · 23/10/2023 08:52

Nonplusultra · 23/10/2023 05:04

How a man behaves after sex is crucial to understanding both his character and the way he sees your relationship.

Before sex he’s going to be on his best behaviour. What he’s like after is the key.

That's a really good point and should be taught at all girls' sex education classes!

Aylestone · 23/10/2023 08:52

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 23/10/2023 01:34

I don't have children.

I've found that I can keep quiet until the moment of climax, but then my vocal cords engage whether I want them to or not.

Show quote history

What a load of bollocks. There’s absolutely no need for performance screaming, especially so loud that the neighbours can hear

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 23/10/2023 08:55

SmileyClare · 23/10/2023 08:37

Oh dear 😂
So you can’t even be quiet if you’re doing a bit of “solo sex”?
Being quieter is a useful skill to master if you can!

Show quote history

No, I can't. Flying solo gives the best orgasms any way, if anything I tend to be louder alone because the climax is stronger. Do you have a Hitachi Wand? Honestly, they are the best things ever invented.

I want to be clear, I'm not talking protracted porn star type sounds, just maybe two or three seconds of weightlifter type noises at the end. They are loud weightlifter noises because my core muscles are contracting a lot at the time!

@Aylestone The above refutes your judgey-pants uninformed "description" of my sex noises. Again, if you know the secret for silent "cannot be heard from the landing" orgasms then please do tell.

Ohdearanotheryear · 23/10/2023 08:57

Dump. Red flags.

@Onthedownlow9 this 'man' sounds like a schoolboy. You could do so much better.

Find a decent man not a stupid idiot.

Flyhigher · 23/10/2023 08:58

Leave him.

GabriellaMontez · 23/10/2023 08:58

He's revolting.

tiredmama23 · 23/10/2023 09:02

GrazingSheep · 23/10/2023 08:10

The op hasn’t said anything about her bf’s responses. In her op she just says what the neighbour texted.

Yeah I thought the same. So far this is the neighbour's icky behaviour and not the boyfriend's. This would hinge on his response for me.

supersop60 · 23/10/2023 09:04

Ick.

jedwardscissorhands22 · 23/10/2023 09:11

I'm just confused how smirking at a text equates to 'you may not be safe with him op' Confused

Original poster
Onthedownlow9 · 23/10/2023 09:12

Thanks for all your comments. Tbh the wall are thin but I didn’t think we were being that loud and was embarrassed that he heard.

BF seemed to get all ‘giddy ’? after he had seen the messages. Like he found it really hilarious. Just felt very immature. I’m not sure if he sent anything else back the only reply I saw was ‘round two later’ in the messages back. Just felt weird being discussed like that and I definitely wasn’t up for the round two after that. It does make me wonder if they’ve spoke about me before

OP posts:
stayflufft · 23/10/2023 09:16

That is horrible. Bin him.

DisforDarkChocolate · 23/10/2023 09:17

'Lighten up' is just another way women's discomfort and distress is dismissed.

I'd be finishing things.

Ohdearanotheryear · 23/10/2023 09:17

Onthedownlow9 · 23/10/2023 09:12

Thanks for all your comments. Tbh the wall are thin but I didn’t think we were being that loud and was embarrassed that he heard.

BF seemed to get all ‘giddy ’? after he had seen the messages. Like he found it really hilarious. Just felt very immature. I’m not sure if he sent anything else back the only reply I saw was ‘round two later’ in the messages back. Just felt weird being discussed like that and I definitely wasn’t up for the round two after that. It does make me wonder if they’ve spoke about me before

He replied 'round 2 later'. Ick. What a turn off, sounds like a teenager's response to his mates.

Are you still with this immature boy?