To be upset about what happened this weekend

[Onthedownlow9]

I was staying over at a new partners house over the weekend. I know he’s really good mates with the man who lives next door to him. After we had sex I saw he was laughing and smirking whilst reading his text messages and he did end up showing me them but I feel disgusted. Basically his neighbour was saying he heard our ‘session’ and sent messages such as ‘go on😈’ and some other weird things. I feel like a piece of meat and don’t appreciate that they were discussing it over text? Aibu? Do I need to lighten up?

Generally you can tell if it’s the man or woman giving it enough audible performance the neighbours can hear.

It's his reaction that would bother me. Anyone else would be mortified and apologetic to you

So the neighbour sent the text and people are telling the OP to bin the bf?

We have no idea what the rest of the conversation said. Yes he may have smirked but that could have been out of embarrassment.

Personally I would be mortified if my neighbours told me they could hear me and my partner having sex.

True, the op hasn’t said what he texted back in return and could have been embarrassed, and another key point is who was making such a racket that the neighbours could hear. There is no need for that.

Bin

This is definitely “urgh” territory.

Discussing your sex life with the neighbour over text?

Is he going to secretly video you next time so that the neighbour can “join in” remotely?

This is a big no-no and the fact it made you feel like “a piece of meat” is disgusting and I’m sure you can do much better than this repellent man and his voyeur neighbour!

What did your fella ACTUALLY respond with here? Half a story OP, come on.

What "weird things"? And what did your bf reply back? I seem to be the only one here but I wouldn't be that bothered based on "go on" and some smirking. We all have different boundaries though so you're entitled to be upset if these cross yours.

That would be a hard line for me.

He doesn't respect you, he's clearly extraordinarily immature and entitled

he won't change

Leave him now

Ick ick ick ick

Do you text them a pervy running commentary too?

It could just be the neighbour who is the inappropriate one. Doesn't mean the man discussed his sex life does it? Might have been the neighbours way if pointing out that he could hear too much.

Ugh how offputting. I was dating a guy once who lived in a house share. We had sex (first time with him) and he made a point of being overly loud, then ‘needed’ to go and get something from the lounge where the housemates were, wearing his dressing gown. Clearly flaunting the fact that we’d just had sex. It massively put me off of him and I couldn’t see past it. It just felt so immature and a bit sleazy. He wasn’t that young either, in his 30s..
I don’t think you’re being sensitive. I’d hate that too!

That's grim and would put me off. I think his reaction to the text is the worst part.

Grim all round. You should have kept the noise down, neighbour should have have thumped on the wall and told you to stfu the good old fashioned way.

TBH if there's someone else in the house I can't relax enough to have sex or masturbate at all, so whether I could learn to orgasm quietly becomes moot. That's part of why I was asking what the secret was, being overheard is a large cause of the anxiety and it would be nice to able to indulge when there is someone else around.

The other part of why I was asking is to make the point that not everyone can be quiet especially with a Hitachi Wand involved, so blaming the OP for the puerile behaviour of these men is unjust.

OP: that your BF's response to the texts was to laugh and not eyeroll and text back with "sorry about the noise. I'll try not to let it happen again but, if it does, please keep your comments to yourself" tells you everything you need to know about him.

🤮

I think this needs a bit more information.

If you got a txt from your neighbour saying he'd heard you, you'd probably smile too (more if a mortified. Didn't know he could hear sort of smile, but still).

That on its own is harmless.

The question is, did he reply and joke? Any idiot can send offensive texts...

Yes. That. It's surprising how quiet you can be given sufficient motivation.

Plus the standard advice on mn to neighbours having loud sex is to shout encouragement.

The op hasn’t said anything about her bf’s responses. In her op she just says what the neighbour texted.

He sat there giggling about it and then showed her. That's a response, just not to the neighbour.

Hmm are you one of those people that can’t yawn quietly either?

I used to have a neighbour who got really vocal and dramatic during sex and I didn’t text “Go on” but I resorted to loud clapping after she’d finished her performance just to let her know we could all hear.

It seemed to do the trick.

Dump him.

I would say this is not the first time that they have indulged in this little game (exchanging comments about the women they sleep with and sex in general) and it is creepy as hell...the guy probably has his ears glue to the wall and is getting off on it.

You said he is a new partner, he has now showed you who he really is so get rid of him without delay.

I tend to judge people by the company they keep. According to the OP they're good friends. The neighbour sent texts presuming he'd get a favourable response. The bf was then laughing and smirking, and showed the OP the texts. This isn't someone terribly embarrassed, hiding the texts, deleting them and apologising for his neighbour. And also, he's got the OP second guessing her judgement. That in itself is a bad sign.

Dump and move on OP. It's been a short time and you feel bad about yourself.