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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH says he’d leave me if I grew a penis - who’s BU?

157 replies

PunkyPatata · 22/10/2023 15:44

Lighthearted and I’ve NC’d for this thread.

DH (male) and I (female) were having a jokey discussion last night and I asked him if he’d leave me if I grew a penis… He said he would, although we could stay friends..

AIBU to be a bit annoyed that He’d leave me in this hypothetical situation?!

OP posts:
Spacemoon · 22/10/2023 17:13

DH and I have these weird jokey hypothetical conversations all the time, it's a fun way to find out weird stuff about your partner and their views on different things that you otherwise wouldn't find out in day to day life. Assuming OP didn't ask the question as she was genuinely concerned that DH would leave her if she grew a penis 😂, but I'm assuming they were having a bit of a jokey night and asking each other daft stuff and this came up and she asked it in more if a I wonder if he loves me unconditionally kind of way. Anyone who thinks OP is genuinely concerned she will spontaneously grow a penis needs to give their heads a wobble!

OP I've got to be honest i'd be a bit miffed personally, but then again, both DH and I are bisexual and we both fall in love with the person, not their genitals, so of course neither one of us would leave the other in this scenario. If your DH is very straight, I'd imagine it would be hard for him to get past the penis bless him 😂 no matter how much he loves you.

Mothership4two · 22/10/2023 17:13

Mothership4two · 22/10/2023 17:04

I know this is daft but a lot of posters seem to be assuming that if you grew a penis you would automatically become a man. You would be a woman with an extra appendage. You would still be you, so I can see why you might be a teeny tiny bit miffed. It was a silly jokey hypothetical and I wouldn't take his answer seriously. Would you leave him if he lost his penis in an accident? I wouldn't leave DH if that were the case.

But then he wouldn't automatically turn into a woman obvs

PickAChew · 22/10/2023 17:15

TheKeatingFive · 22/10/2023 16:24

How do you think you could 'grow a penis' OP? I'm all ears.

Probably the same way you grew all those ears 😂

Wonkasworld · 22/10/2023 17:17

It's understandable why you name changed.

Woolwichgirl · 22/10/2023 17:17

I would like to think that the love a partner has for me transcends sexual organs and that if a medical abnormality occured and I suddenly grew a penis he would be understanding enough to love and stay with me regardless.
But it seems that isnt the case with lots of posters here.
Shallow world we live in eh😒

And No, I wont leave someone I truly love just because he grew a vagina and boobs.

ClareBlue · 22/10/2023 17:17

Vegemiteandhoneyontoast · 22/10/2023 17:11

If you grew it from the base of your spine, you could tell people it was actually a tail. You'd probably have to put a covering of some sort over the top for that to be believed, though. A rummage in a few charity shops would do the trick, there's bound to be some fake fur you could utilise.

And goats can make their tails stand straight upright so you wouldn't have to explain the circumstances when this happens (would it be men or women who triggered it) Just say you're a goat.

Smartiepants79 · 22/10/2023 17:23

So many people missed the ‘lighthearted’ bit of the opening post!
I presume that you often have these surreal conversations with your DH and are, in fact, not actually upset in the slightest???
Sounds like you and your DH have a lovely relationship, lots of laughs I suspect!

Wonkasworld · 22/10/2023 17:23

Woolwichgirl · 22/10/2023 17:17

I would like to think that the love a partner has for me transcends sexual organs and that if a medical abnormality occured and I suddenly grew a penis he would be understanding enough to love and stay with me regardless.
But it seems that isnt the case with lots of posters here.
Shallow world we live in eh😒

And No, I wont leave someone I truly love just because he grew a vagina and boobs.

More like a realistic world the rest of
us live in.

Revenants · 22/10/2023 17:23

Woolwichgirl · 22/10/2023 17:17

I would like to think that the love a partner has for me transcends sexual organs and that if a medical abnormality occured and I suddenly grew a penis he would be understanding enough to love and stay with me regardless.
But it seems that isnt the case with lots of posters here.
Shallow world we live in eh😒

And No, I wont leave someone I truly love just because he grew a vagina and boobs.

I think you just outed yourself.

You are Belle and have a house filled with commodes, candelabra and teacups that come out at night and dance with you.

Stravaig · 22/10/2023 17:23

"I'm actually annoyed that my husband is not hypothetically bisexual. AIBU?"

Peachonthebeach · 22/10/2023 17:25

Hmm
i think if a husband lost his penis I would certainly stay with him (if it wasn’t intentional).
likewise if he accidentally ‘grew’ ?🤣a vagina in its place.
but if this was intentional, not so much.

Isheabastard · 22/10/2023 17:25

A lot of parents put up with their child having imaginary friends.

I think your DH should be able to put up with you having an imaginary penis.

He could even have imaginary breasts if he feels left out.

Mumsnet should really try to be more inclusive!!!!!!!!!!!! (Or not).

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 22/10/2023 17:28

ShagratandGorbag4ever · 22/10/2023 16:13

If you were to grow a penis, you would probably get so rich from reality tv and other modern equivalents of the freak show that he wouldn't want to leave you.

They would probably make you Prime Minister, you would be soooooo popular with the ‘progressives’.

Sorrynotsorry2 · 22/10/2023 17:29

Grew one of your own ?

Bloody hell it's not a penis garden .

No I wouldn't be happy if my partners penis dropped off and he grew his own vagina . Yes I would leave him .

Pallisers · 22/10/2023 17:30

It is kind of sweet that he said of course you'd still be friends.

Ktime · 22/10/2023 17:31

The standard of goadiness is dropping. Yawn.

happylittlesloth · 22/10/2023 17:34

Lighthearted it's not really is it. Some people are having to deal with this.

lemmein · 22/10/2023 17:37

happylittlesloth · 22/10/2023 17:34

Lighthearted it's not really is it. Some people are having to deal with this.

Nobody is dealing with randomly growing a penis 🙄

Nowherenew · 22/10/2023 17:39

This is why couples shouldn’t do the hypothetical ‘would you stay with me if…’ because of the answer is no, then they get upset.

To me the difference between being best friends and being in a relationship is the sex.

I’d never want to have anal sex and so I am with your DH.

If we stop having sex, because the only sex could be anal sex, then we’d stop being in a relationship and just be friends instead.

WeWereInParis · 22/10/2023 17:40

He's not attracted to penises.
He wants to be married to someone he's attracted to.

Neither of those are unreasonable positions for a straight man to take.

Nowherenew · 22/10/2023 17:42

Woolwichgirl · 22/10/2023 17:17

I would like to think that the love a partner has for me transcends sexual organs and that if a medical abnormality occured and I suddenly grew a penis he would be understanding enough to love and stay with me regardless.
But it seems that isnt the case with lots of posters here.
Shallow world we live in eh😒

And No, I wont leave someone I truly love just because he grew a vagina and boobs.

This was actually my first thought.

That I would love my partner whether they lost a limb, was burned in a fire, became paralysed or grew a penis/vagina.

But I don’t think a relationship is a relationship without sex and I wouldn’t want to just have anal sex like DH would have to.

So I agree with the DH and we’d just be friends.

Wiccan · 22/10/2023 17:43

happylittlesloth · 22/10/2023 17:34

Lighthearted it's not really is it. Some people are having to deal with this.

Oh FFS , it's just a bit of messing around lighten up . No one is growing a penis 😂🤣😂🤣😂

orchardsquare · 22/10/2023 17:44

Couldn't you just get it chopped off?

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 22/10/2023 17:46

orchardsquare · 22/10/2023 17:44

Couldn't you just get it chopped off?

Or turned inside out to make a vagina, several quite famous people claim to have done that ( or rather, had it done for them).

Theunamedcat · 22/10/2023 17:51

Nowherenew · 22/10/2023 17:39

This is why couples shouldn’t do the hypothetical ‘would you stay with me if…’ because of the answer is no, then they get upset.

To me the difference between being best friends and being in a relationship is the sex.

I’d never want to have anal sex and so I am with your DH.

If we stop having sex, because the only sex could be anal sex, then we’d stop being in a relationship and just be friends instead.

B6it it's growing a penis IN ADDITION to having a vagina so in theory best of both worlds applies you still get to have regular sex and you can write your name in the snow