To think DP's nephews are tearing us apart?

[FuchsiaBottles]

DP has recently moved in with me.

Yesterday, we were supposed to go to this restaurant for dinner. This is the kind of restaurant that requires you to make a reservation way in advance and we've been looking forward to yesterday night for weeks.

On Fri, DP's sister called asking him if he could look after his nephews (aged 10 and 8) from "tomorrow afternoon onwards" because her and her husband have had a stressful week and would like to take some downtime to have dinner + movie together. DP agreed!!

This caused an argument and I ended up going to the restaurant with a friend of mine. Came home last night and DP was sulking. He's upset that I went without him, that I wouldn't compromise and go get a pizza with him and his nephews instead, that he was left alone to run around after his nephews who are very loud, full-on, and frankly have a penchant for destruction (they've already broken my iPad which I had to pay to replace and my favourite bag has a disgusting stain on it from when they touched it with ice-cream soaked hands).

This isn't a one-off incident. We (mostly DP) are basically on demand childcare for his sister and that demand comes along once every fortnight.

I was WFH one day and one came around (we got the notice only 2h in advance) because the other had a football match. He was just running around the house (DP also had to WFH so couldn't be watching him throughout even though he was in the same room as DP as it's where the Xbox was). Nephew kept opening the door to my office while I was working. I locked the door. He kept hammering the door while running around despite me telling DP that I was in an important meeting and would like him to keep his nephew under control.

I love that he's close to his family. But I think there's a limit to that and I can't deal with it anymore. AIBU to think that this arrangement with his sister is unsustainable?

Fantastic news @FuchsiaBottles enjoy the peace!

Good riddance!! Back to a stress free life op block and move on

Tell him no, its ridiculous to babysit while you are both working from home. His sister is stressed as she is not parenting her children. She needs to teach them how to behave . I dont understand how people can live like that. Convenient his mum cant cope anymore as soon as he moves in with you, poor woman must of been run ragged by them, you partner needs to pay you back for the ipad and buy you a new handbag

She should not of smacked them. But she was drovin mad by them. Its all his sisters fault

Brilliant news

Honestly this is for the best .
Maybe at a push go back to dating . Take the best from it untill you are ready to let go totaly , but this is never going to work .

Also you will never for one with his family as you will be seen as the problem and the one making their life difficult .

Congratulations OP.

Very well done but I am amazed you put up with it for so long.

Isn't it just.

Not sure I would agree with that summary.

So glad you've booted this disrespectful parasite out of your home. You supplied him with a comfortable home to entertain his over indulged and badly reared nephews. You supplied him with a your belongings to entertain his over indulged and badly reared nephews. You supplied him with a woman to entertain his over indulged and badly reared nephews. And he couldn't even be arsed to show the respect of checking that his over indulged and badly reared nephews were welcome to run riot at any time-be that when you are working or relaxing. He hurls vicious insults against your family members because you won't obey the bearer of the flaccid dick. Fuck that. He needs to have the word user tattooed on his cock so any woman he wants to sweet talk into providing a home, belongings to destroy, and time she 'should' spend looking after his over indulged and badly reared nephews runs a mile.
His pal will soon boot him out and likely give him an mouthful he won't appreciate. That can't come soon enough.

Both your ex and his sister are doing those boys a real disservice. I'm so happy you broke up with him because these early red flags show a real disregard for your possessions, space, work and career.

Until either of them are ready to properly parent and guide those kids he is a recipe for disaster.

What a piece of work he is! And all this doing as the SiL and BiL bid him is just plain weird - they say jump, and he says 'how high?'. Good luck to the next woman who gets him, and hope she enjoys the weird set-up. Distinctly odd. Perhaps he should move in with them? Babyminder and general dogsbody on tap. 😮

Kids will be kids, jog on with that chummy! These two sound bratty and are a problem for their parents to sort out. So the parents are stressed, oh dear, never mind. They need to start parenting properly and sort their own shit out rather than dumping it on your door step.
DP needs to man up and say no can't do care, or he needs to ship out.

Came to thread, well done OP for shipping it all out of your home and your life. Long over due by the sounds of it but you did it! Full respect to you.🍾🍸

Omg I had an ex who’s niece was like this except she’s was 19. She’d been totally treated like royalty her whole life and her uncle had been the worst for it. Because of it she’d grown into an entitled princess and everyone around thought it was ok. She called my ex at all hours for lifts, money etc and he always gave in. She even wrote in our engagement book in big letters across pages I couldn’t rip out “I’ll always be your number 1 girl, I love you” it was weird but no one saw an issue because it had been going on since she was a baby. She was partly the cause of him now being my ex!

It's irrelevant though. They chose that path, but you didn't, it's not reasonable to expect you to look after them at the drop of the hat because she is stressed - hello welcome to parenthood. If she cannot cope then perhaps she should buy in some help or parent differently. I'm assuming they are just boisterous boys and do not have additional needs, which alters the response, although not entirely. DP was wrong to just say yes without consulting you and he could have said sorry we have plans, but we'll happily have them for a few hours on x date, that you then plan and perhaps take them out to burn off some energy. It's lovely he wants to help his sister but equally, she shouldn't expect or rely on it and it needs to be planned in advance (unless it's a genuine emergency) Maybe he can suggest a compromise, 1 weekend a month you both have them for the day Saturday (take them out to burn off steam and then dinner, bed and get them collected Sunday morning or drop them home) then 2 weeks later he can entertain them alone for say a Saturday afternoon and you can go do something with some girl friends?

Well riddance! Good job you took action and got rid of him asap. You will be so much happier once all is sorted out and you get going with your new chapter. Good luck! 🙂

I’d be banning them from coming on days I work from home. I’d also be saying that he can babysit at their house in future.

I may be out of touch though as I didn’t have anyone babysitting my kids to give me a break, especially every fortnight. I think that’s overkill!

Bloody well done @FuchsiaBottles 👏

Wonder how long the mate will put up with him when he discovers 2 ill behaved brats making themselves at home.

I'm really pleased for you. Boundaries are so important, for children and within relationships. And for yourself - it's great to see someone not tolerating being treated with disrespect and no consideration. Good for you.

I bet there's loads going on for Halloween where they live too, just that parents want shot of the little darlings 😂

@FuchsiaBottles

Hope you got your keys back OP - or will you need to change your locks?

Glad the trash took itself out. I feel sorry for his mother and now his friend, who may not be aware of what he's let himself in for. 🌹

I'd change the locks anyway TBH.

Never take a risk with locks. Ex might come in claiming he "forgot" something - or even to use OP's facilities for the kids when she isn't at home.

Not worth the risk.

Wow. Well, maybe I am making a bit of a logical leap here, but, considering this is what he thinks of you, and his reasoning, methinks he was just using you. Now that he can no longer use you, he's telling you what he really thinks of you. Good thing you saw his real opinion of you before you had kids together.

Good riddance. He seems completely disrespectful. I wish it was shocking