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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think DP's nephews are tearing us apart?

531 replies

FuchsiaBottles · 22/10/2023 11:13

DP has recently moved in with me.

Yesterday, we were supposed to go to this restaurant for dinner. This is the kind of restaurant that requires you to make a reservation way in advance and we've been looking forward to yesterday night for weeks.

On Fri, DP's sister called asking him if he could look after his nephews (aged 10 and 8) from "tomorrow afternoon onwards" because her and her husband have had a stressful week and would like to take some downtime to have dinner + movie together. DP agreed!!

This caused an argument and I ended up going to the restaurant with a friend of mine. Came home last night and DP was sulking. He's upset that I went without him, that I wouldn't compromise and go get a pizza with him and his nephews instead, that he was left alone to run around after his nephews who are very loud, full-on, and frankly have a penchant for destruction (they've already broken my iPad which I had to pay to replace and my favourite bag has a disgusting stain on it from when they touched it with ice-cream soaked hands).

This isn't a one-off incident. We (mostly DP) are basically on demand childcare for his sister and that demand comes along once every fortnight.

I was WFH one day and one came around (we got the notice only 2h in advance) because the other had a football match. He was just running around the house (DP also had to WFH so couldn't be watching him throughout even though he was in the same room as DP as it's where the Xbox was). Nephew kept opening the door to my office while I was working. I locked the door. He kept hammering the door while running around despite me telling DP that I was in an important meeting and would like him to keep his nephew under control.

I love that he's close to his family. But I think there's a limit to that and I can't deal with it anymore. AIBU to think that this arrangement with his sister is unsustainable?

OP posts:
Iheartpizza · 24/10/2023 14:37

FFS just block him now that you've dumped him and move on with your life.

What an utterly ridiculous situation.

billy1966 · 24/10/2023 14:40

FuchsiaBottles · 24/10/2023 14:23

It’s ridiculous. Apparently their area doesn’t have anything going on for Halloween while ours do. So dear old sis sent him a screenshot of a Facebook post and he’s agreed (without consulting me) to have them over for Halloween!!

Apparently too this was all arranged around a week+ ago but as usual I was not notified until the last minute.

He now thinks I’m “cold/selfish/heartless” and “just like my bitch of a mother”. Confused

So his go to is to sulk and be verbally abusive towards you when you say No?.

There is his awful background in all its glory.

Himself and his sister both using you and your home as a free facility for her feral spawn to thrash.

He has shown himself to be one nasty piece of work who hasn't an ounce of respect for you or your home.

He has shown you very quickly that he has highly abusive tendencies.

You have dodged some bullet.

He absolutely would have given you an awful shared future.

Well done for getting rid of him.

Pity you didn't keep his x box hostage as reparations for your damaged property.

Coffeepot72 · 24/10/2023 14:40

Apparently their area doesn’t have anything going on for Halloween while ours do. So dear old sis sent him a screenshot of a Facebook post and he’s agreed (without consulting me) to have them over for Halloween!!

OMG - I don't know who is worse, his sister for thinking it would be ok, and him for going along with it. You are well rid, OP

INeedAnotherName · 24/10/2023 14:43

Apparently too this was all arranged around a week+ ago but as usual I was not notified until the last minute.

He now thinks I’m “cold/selfish/heartless” and “just like my bitch of a mother”.
Nothing like total disrespect to kill a relationship. Not respecting you enough to discuss the arrangement in your house is bad enough but he's really shown what he thinks of you. Wow. Sorry OP, that must have been hard to hear.

HermioneWeasley · 24/10/2023 14:44

FuchsiaBottles · 24/10/2023 14:23

It’s ridiculous. Apparently their area doesn’t have anything going on for Halloween while ours do. So dear old sis sent him a screenshot of a Facebook post and he’s agreed (without consulting me) to have them over for Halloween!!

Apparently too this was all arranged around a week+ ago but as usual I was not notified until the last minute.

He now thinks I’m “cold/selfish/heartless” and “just like my bitch of a mother”. Confused

Aaaaand, that should be enough to finally dump him. He’s verbally abusive and has shown he doesn’t care about your feelings, boundaries or possessions.

Wheredidyougonow · 24/10/2023 14:45

FuchsiaBottles · 24/10/2023 14:23

It’s ridiculous. Apparently their area doesn’t have anything going on for Halloween while ours do. So dear old sis sent him a screenshot of a Facebook post and he’s agreed (without consulting me) to have them over for Halloween!!

Apparently too this was all arranged around a week+ ago but as usual I was not notified until the last minute.

He now thinks I’m “cold/selfish/heartless” and “just like my bitch of a mother”. Confused

Please say that you are not stupid enough to STILL want to be with him??

Ktime · 24/10/2023 14:49

Wheredidyougonow · 24/10/2023 14:45

Please say that you are not stupid enough to STILL want to be with him??

Bit harsh, OP has already said he’s been turfed out!

Ding dong the cock is gone!

AnneValentine · 24/10/2023 14:49

FuchsiaBottles · 24/10/2023 14:23

It’s ridiculous. Apparently their area doesn’t have anything going on for Halloween while ours do. So dear old sis sent him a screenshot of a Facebook post and he’s agreed (without consulting me) to have them over for Halloween!!

Apparently too this was all arranged around a week+ ago but as usual I was not notified until the last minute.

He now thinks I’m “cold/selfish/heartless” and “just like my bitch of a mother”. Confused

You aren’t compatible. Neither is wrong here but it has no future. End it now. Let him find someone who will embrace his nephews and you find someone who isn’t an active uncle.

AnneLovesGilbert · 24/10/2023 14:53

Hopefully he’s moving in with his sister. What a piece of work.

Coffeepot72 · 24/10/2023 14:53

OP, how did he deal with his nephews before he moved in with you? Whose house did they go to?

AnneLovesGilbert · 24/10/2023 14:54

AnneValentine · 24/10/2023 14:49

You aren’t compatible. Neither is wrong here but it has no future. End it now. Let him find someone who will embrace his nephews and you find someone who isn’t an active uncle.

He is very very wrong. He also has no business dating if he’s going to be at his sister’s beck and call like this.

BetterPlease · 24/10/2023 14:59

Contemp is what he has shown you. You can expect that name calling might just be the very beginning of what he has in store. Will you be sticking around to find out?

There are two types of people… those who are very comfortable hurling profanities at their partner and their parentage, and those who would never do this and wouldn’t dream of it - it would never occur to them.

Your choice which type you prefer.

Since he has done this so easily and with no provocation at all, has he called you names before? Doesn’t sound like the first time.
Have you been called names by others close to you in the past?

Restinggoddess · 24/10/2023 14:59

And you are with this man because…….?

AsWrittenBy · 24/10/2023 14:59

FuchsiaBottles · 24/10/2023 14:23

It’s ridiculous. Apparently their area doesn’t have anything going on for Halloween while ours do. So dear old sis sent him a screenshot of a Facebook post and he’s agreed (without consulting me) to have them over for Halloween!!

Apparently too this was all arranged around a week+ ago but as usual I was not notified until the last minute.

He now thinks I’m “cold/selfish/heartless” and “just like my bitch of a mother”. Confused

Well you're not his problem any more so he can fuck off

Crikeyisthatthetime · 24/10/2023 15:05

Blimey OP how did you resist that silver tongued charmer!
Hope the front door didn't catch him on his way out.

WhereYouLeftIt · 24/10/2023 15:06

FuchsiaBottles · 24/10/2023 14:23

It’s ridiculous. Apparently their area doesn’t have anything going on for Halloween while ours do. So dear old sis sent him a screenshot of a Facebook post and he’s agreed (without consulting me) to have them over for Halloween!!

Apparently too this was all arranged around a week+ ago but as usual I was not notified until the last minute.

He now thinks I’m “cold/selfish/heartless” and “just like my bitch of a mother”. Confused

Tell him to move out. Today. Pack his stuff up if you have to. But this is a serious overstepping.

If you accept this disrespect, he will just keep pushing it up and up and up. He leaves today.

FuchsiaBottles · 24/10/2023 15:12

Ironically through all this he’s going to be moving in with a mate because his sister doesn’t have space in her house! Glad to see the first thing he packed was the xbox and their food infested controllers too!

OP posts:
Coffeepot72 · 24/10/2023 15:13

Does her sister know you have parted company because of her and her children, I wonder?

AcrossthePond55 · 24/10/2023 15:17

FuchsiaBottles · 24/10/2023 15:12

Ironically through all this he’s going to be moving in with a mate because his sister doesn’t have space in her house! Glad to see the first thing he packed was the xbox and their food infested controllers too!

You have SO done the right thing. And his nasty comments are absolute proof of it. And those insults show that all you were to him in the end was a 'nanny with a fanny' for his DNs.

To celebrate I'd go out and buy myself a bag of Halloween candy and on Halloween night I'd enjoy munching on it in my neat and clean house.

WhereYouLeftIt · 24/10/2023 15:23

FuchsiaBottles · 24/10/2023 15:12

Ironically through all this he’s going to be moving in with a mate because his sister doesn’t have space in her house! Glad to see the first thing he packed was the xbox and their food infested controllers too!

So glad to see he's out! I wonder how long it will take for his mate to object to his home and belongings being destroyed?

Coffeepot72 · 24/10/2023 15:25

I wonder how long it will take for his mate to object to his home and belongings being destroyed?

Gosh yes, I can't see his mate putting up with the rubbish you've had to put up with, OP?

Gothambutnotahamster · 24/10/2023 15:28

Well done Op & what a mean, nasty thing to say to you.

curtaintwitcher78 · 24/10/2023 15:29

Well, he's show you exactly who he is and proven that you were never ever being unreasonable.

Ktime · 24/10/2023 15:31

Funny how the sister has no room
for him 😂

Tessasanderson · 24/10/2023 15:38

Well done you. I get the feeling he will be back in touch as soon as his mate tells him to leave. Doesnt sound like he has many people left to help him.

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