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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Need some reassurance that I'm not crazy...

263 replies

ScaredMamaLondon · 21/10/2023 20:33

Hello,
I am a Jewish mum of two small children.
I think I'm posting on here to get a reassurance that there are some good people in this world. I am terrified to be openly Jewish in this country at the moment and I am terrified for my children's future here. This week I was told by a nanny agency 'it will be very difficult to get a nanny to work for a jewish family'. The security patrolling makes me feel nauseous; my neighbour's son attends a jewish school and was kicked on the bus for his obviously jewish school uniform. We aren't obviously Jewish 'looking' - we are not religious but yet I don't feel at all safe. The pro-Palestinian rally today threw up pictures of burning stars of davids (the antizionism isn't antisemitism thing is basically an excuse for saying what you like about jews and getting away with it). Red paint splattered over local jewish primary schools (again if it's not antisemitism, what do we have to do with it) and on top of all of this, the sinking, dismal feeling that in Israel, the only place as a Jew I would imagine feeling safe, 1300+ civilians were massacred in their beds/kidnapped/gang raped/worse.

I feel sick. I feel we are utterly hated here and unsafe there.

When I see videos of TFL tube drivers joining in with palestinian chants as if its a football anthem and flags of Jihad being waved in London I do wonder if I've missed something here. At the recent vigil for the Israeli victims people stood in silence. Singing. Crying. Praying for peace. And today I witness the complete opposite. I didn't see one mention of peace. I only saw hatred.

Half my family are NHS doctors and surgeons. Teachers. Proud of our Jewishness and proud of our Britishness. Why is it as a Jewish person in the UK i feel so utterly isolated and depressed? Many clients and non jewish friends have sent wonderful messages of support so perhaps it is just the vocal minority but it's a scary one nonetheless. AIBU in thinking that life is completely terrifying right now?

OP posts:
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6
welcometothnuthouse · 21/10/2023 21:01

This feels like a rerun of history and it's a terrifying thought. There are some very sick people out there doing this.
Most people know it's wrong, I would be proud to know you and your family as fellow humans.

IrishLondoner · 22/10/2023 00:13

YANBU . How did our tolerant country get to this place? It is terrifying. I’m so so sorry you feel like this. I also have family who are NHS doctors , teachers etc.Your values are my values . I wish I could do more to support your community. I’m not Jewish my heart is with you .

etmoietmoietmoi · 22/10/2023 00:35

You're not crazy. I hear you and am also feeling very fearful.

Aldicrispsareshit · 22/10/2023 00:39

It's terrifying to watch I can't even begin to imagine what you're feeling. I saw footage of the TFL driver and I hope he gets sacked and arrested for inciting racial hatred. I saw a quote that summed up my sentiments "we said never again just one lifetime ago, how short our memories are".

WhateverMate · 22/10/2023 00:39

Sorry if this makes me sound ignorant but what do you mean by being terrified of being openly Jewish?

You say you're not religious and you don't look Jewish, so I'm unsure of what being openly Jewish might look like?

Do you mean telling strangers?

mollyfolk · 22/10/2023 00:39

There are definitely loads of good people in the world. That is horrifying what happened to your neighbors child. No wonder you are shook. For what it is worth most of my friends were at a Palestinian solidarity March today. It was too far for me to travel but I fully support them. However we are all anti the actions of the isreali authorities - not the Jewish people. Now I didn’t hear reports of similar antisemitism carry on in this March but we are in Ireland - it was very much calling for a ceasefire.

I would just ask you to consider that many people - including Jewish people around the world and Israelis themselves- are anti the occupation and critical of the current Israeli government and not against Jewish people in any way. I think you need to seperate the people being vocal about what Israel is doing wrong - which includes the UN, the WHO and human rights organizations- from people who use this moment to be antisemitic.

Aldicrispsareshit · 22/10/2023 00:40

WhateverMate · 22/10/2023 00:39

Sorry if this makes me sound ignorant but what do you mean by being terrified of being openly Jewish?

You say you're not religious and you don't look Jewish, so I'm unsure of what being openly Jewish might look like?

Do you mean telling strangers?

Judaism isn't just a religion it's a race too. You can be ethnically Jewish but secular/non religious. I believe what the op is asking is if someone asks her ethnicity/heritage to deny her Jewishness to stay safe.

Vgtasd · 22/10/2023 00:40

I am sending you love and support. The Israeli people have been nothing but dignified under the most horrific circumstances, the disgusting behaviour of some of the people on the pro Palestinian marches is astonishing, ripping down posters of missing Jewish people is shocking, if I see any of this I will be calling it out, you are not alone xxx

WhateverMate · 22/10/2023 00:42

Aldicrispsareshit · 22/10/2023 00:40

Judaism isn't just a religion it's a race too. You can be ethnically Jewish but secular/non religious. I believe what the op is asking is if someone asks her ethnicity/heritage to deny her Jewishness to stay safe.

Show quote history

Ahh I see.

Yes, if it ever came up in conversation with a stranger I can understand why she might be terrified to say she was Jewish if they happened to ask.

NotReadyForAutumnYet · 22/10/2023 00:44

Yanbu

user1473878824 · 22/10/2023 00:47

I’m so sorry OP. The last few years have seemed a very scary place for the UK’s Jewish community and I don’t know what else to say other than I’m sorry. It absolutely shouldn’t be like this.

FlamingoFloss · 22/10/2023 00:54

I’m so sorry this is happening to you and so many other good people in the world. it is wrong in every single level. I, like many other people, am a live and let live person. I dont understand this hatred towards others. I honestly just do not get it and I wish it would stop. I can’t imagine how scared you must be feeling right now but I know it isn’t right

brightmoons · 22/10/2023 00:57

Exactly what mollyfolk said.

I am Jewish too. I hear your concerns, but criticising the Israeli government is not Antisemitism. Criticising Zionism is not Antisemitism.

Obviously people will co-opt things for their own agendas and I am certainly not disputing the rise in antisemitism in the UK; however, holding a government to account for its actions is not antisemitic.

nocoolnamesleft · 22/10/2023 00:57

I am so sorry. The reports that hate crimes have shot through the roof in the last days, due to anti semitic abuse, is frightening. I cannot understand the mentality that targets British Jews (still less children, for pity's sake) for events over which they have no control, and for which they bear no responsibility.

Tomatina · 22/10/2023 01:32

YANBU. I'm not Jewish but am feeling worried and depressed by the resurgence of antisemitism in this country. I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. I do think (hope) that it is just a very vocal minority as you suggest, inflamed by the awful situation in Gaza. But I also know that antisemitism never really goes away, and there are people (on both the left and right politically) who will seize an opportunity to blame Jews for just about anything. One thing I'm sure of is that I don't want to live in a country where Jewish people do not feel free and safe. Perhaps we need a big demonstration against antisemitism - a demonstration which would include large numbers of non-Jews in solidarity.

junbean · 22/10/2023 01:41

I'm not Jewish or even a part of any type of oppressed people group (besides being a woman) and that sounds utterly terrifying. It makes me very sick to read. I'm literally crying just reading your post. I'm so sorry you're going through this and I hope it ends very soon. There are a LOT of people who want peace. You aren't alone and you aren't hated by everyone. I wish there was something I could do, I would do it. I've always felt this way- ever since I first learned about antisemitism as a child. No one should be afraid to exist.

NotReadyForAutumnYet · 22/10/2023 01:58

'I think you need to seperate the people being vocal about what Israel is doing wrong - which includes the UN, the WHO and human rights organizations- from people who use this moment to be antisemitic.'
It doesn't look like OP is conflating the two - quite the opposite.

Bunda · 22/10/2023 02:13

As a Muslim in a Jewish area we stand together now more than ever. This war is a political one, not a religious one. That's the part we must remember.

JacJac77 · 22/10/2023 02:52

I am so sorry that you feel like this OP, I can only imagine how frightening it must be. I didn't go on the march today, but I support the sentiment, which is that bombing Gaza is wrong, cutting supplies of energy, water, and food is wrong, and punishing two million people for the actions of Hamas is wrong. In my mind, having this viewpoint is not antisemitic, and I'm confident that the tube driver, and many, many others on the march today were there because they support the right of Palestinians to live peacefully, not because they hate Jewish people. Of course the terrorist attack itself was also wrong, and that should go without saying. However, I do think that a small minority of people have used the current situation to stir-up hatred, and unfortunately their actions are more visible and are generating the very understandable fear.

MargaritaHargitaysLittleSister · 22/10/2023 03:01

The world is a very scary place to be right now. I am Christian and work for a Synagogue. People are terrified and its horrific that all Jews are going through this

Coyoacan · 22/10/2023 03:06

I agree with @brightmoons and @mollyfolk. I hate to see what is being done to the Palestinians by the Israeli government and army, but I do not blame Jews, I blame Zionists. Zionists are adults who adhere to a political philosophy, whereas Jews belong to a race and or a well-respected religion.

mollyfolk · 22/10/2023 06:34

'I think you need to seperate the people being vocal about what Israel is doing wrong - which includes the UN, the WHO and human rights organizations- from people who use this moment to be antisemitic.'
It doesn't look like OP is conflating the two - quite the opposite.

She literally said that antizionism is antisemitism. It’s not. Neither is criticism of the Israeli authorities. I am pointing out that she sees everyone in this March as being anti the Jewish people whether this is not the case.

Isthisexpected · 22/10/2023 06:38

I saw a quote that summed up my sentiments "we said never again just one lifetime ago, how short our memories are".

^ this is very powerful.

I'm sorry OP. I can't begin to imagine the pain and fear and sadness. I hope for an end to this awful time. I hope for tolerance and safety for all including you and your family.

jolies1 · 22/10/2023 07:07

Reasonable, educated (ie understand what you are protesting!) Anti Zionism is one thing. Throwing paint on a Jewish school in London is nothing to do with anti Zionism, it’s absolutely anti semitism. A primary school in the UK has absolutely nothing to do with the actions of the Israeli government.

trampoline123 · 22/10/2023 07:12

I'm really sorry you feel like this, I totally get why you're feeling worried about the future.

I for one, am not anti anyone unless they hurt people - live and let live as long as you don't hurt people is what I try and live by. I'm saying this as a white British woman living in the UK outskirts of London if that's relevant.

I can speak for all of my friendship group too who are like me.

I hope things get better for you OP.