aibu to not breastfeed just beacuse i dont want to?

[lunalovegrooove]

I understand breast is best, but I don't want to do it.
I feel pressure and the implication that I am a bad mother. I think I have the right to choose, and that the medical establishment doesn't expect something this taxing from men in society.

Am I a bad mother?

I had a horrendous time breastfeeding. Only managed a few months. It made the newborn stage miserable for me and I can completely understand why many women struggling as I did wouldn't want to continue.

But to be completely honest, I do think it's very odd to DEFAULT to not breastfeeding, if you are able to. I don't understand why you would opt for something that's more expensive, less convenient, and worse for your child's health. If you try and realise it's too hard or making miserable, fair enough. But to not even try is weird to me. (I know I'm being judgemental but I don't care. Sometimes it's ok to be judgemental 🙃)

And a Martyr 🙄🙄

Absolutely, do what is best for you but be prepared to be very stubborn in your resistance. I breastfed one of my dc and can’t say that I enjoyed it at all. When I had my twins I had already decided that I wasn’t going to bf as I then had 3 children under 2 (one with ASD) and a partner who was very ill. The midwives were not pleasant to me and tried to push me into bf. They made it quite clear that they didn’t agree with my decision. I stood my ground but they made my life very difficult. This included them insisting I go to the nurses station to get milk very soon after my c section. I had complications which meant I was hospitalised for a month prior to birth. Their insistence resulted in me being rushed back to bed and being put on oxygen.
Good luck!

Why bother writing a comment if you are not willing to make it helpful?

My arguments for formula feeding were that it meant I knew how much milk baby was getting down to the ounce. I used to express and measure and I was not producing anywhere near enough. Yes before you say it, know that "research" shows that babies take more milk from the breast than a pump, but instinct and common sense tells me otherwise, and you are given instinct for a reason.
Also, formula is guaranteed to be perfectly nutritionally balanced, and unless your doet is absolutely perfect, then surely baby is getting better nutrition from formulas. Also, surely if you live in a polluted area, all that pollution is going straight into your baby through the milk.
So I would argue that in the UK, formula is best.

Just not wanting to is a bit of a shit reason not to give your child something that is recommended to keep them healthy. I don’t WANT to cook my kids a nutritious meal tonight, I’d much rather get a macdonalds on the way home. But I won’t because it’s not good for them. I don’t WANT to sit and do DDs homework and reading with her most evenings but I do because it helps her learn. Becoming a mother probably isn’t your smartest move if you want a life of only doing things that you want to do.

Midwife/HV here. Please do whatever you feel is best for you. There are loads of benefits to breastfeeding but none of them outweigh the benefits of a happy mum who is responsive to her baby.

Don't be ridiculous.

Of course you are not unreasonable. It is your body and your choice, and your DH and MIL need to respect that.

Personally, I'm a big fan of bf and it worked for me, but I am sure your baby will be absolutely fine either way.

Having a happy, relaxed mum is probably more important for the baby than how it is fed. Do what suits you, you don't have to justify your choices to anyone.

I felt similarly uncomfortable at the thought of it, during pregnancy. I felt pressure (not from anyone but myself really as I knew the health benefits) so I did BF from the start, reasoning that I would stop if it wasn't right for me, but couldnt start later so would give it a go. I think i was secretly hoping I wouldnt be successful. In the end the discomfort I felt emotionally during pregnancy did not appear at all, breastfeeding felt incredibly natural and I was fortunate to have no major issues. I introduced bottles of expressed from 2 months and occasional formula from 7 months and without this I'm unsure if I would have continued as it was becoming very draining. It does not have to be all or nothing. Would I bf again? Unsure. It has been the most amazing feeling but also has had big implications for my sleep and wellbeing, so it is a trade off, one I'm happy with currently. You absolutely have the right to choose, but yes if you knowingly choose to not follow medical recommendations because you just don't want to, expect some negative judgement. Your baby will likely be absolutely fine on formula though

I didn't breastfeed either of mine because I didn't want too. My oh and his parents were not happy with my decision either but my breasts my decision. You do what's right for you and nobody else's opinion matters.

There is some truth in what you say 😂

The feeding relationship is between the baby and mother, not father, in laws or a clinician.
I decided I didn't want to BF, and after midwife asking once before DC was born, I was not asked again at all.
Please choose your own path for feeding your baby and ensure everyone knows that is the decision, no discussion welcome.
Good luck!

Honestly. These types of comments are the worst. Smug, superior and judgemental.

You've probably made a few women feel really shit about themselves. How does that make you feel? Because you've come across as a total dick

Tried with my first failed miserably and frankly it ruined the first month of being a parent.
Bottle from the get go with 2 and 3.

Just no. It's your choice. A happy, healthy, non guilt ridden, Mum is best. Not breast.

It’s not ridiculous at all. MN is full of posts by people who aren’t doing what’s best for their kids, and they get rightly slated. Maybe if we all started from the position of doing what was best, as a default, the world would be a better place with fewer unhappy kids.

Being a good mother means putting your baby first. Breastfeeding is what’s best for baby, so if you don’t even try to breastfed then it’s a very selfish decision and not a great way to start motherhood.

Trying to breastfeed and being unable to is of course different, because then at least you tried to give your baby the best start in life.

...what about 'a happy mum who is responsive to her baby' and is breastfeeding, though?

Ridiculous and hyperbolic

You know what .... sometimes you do just get them McDonald's and nobody dies.

FF is perfectly fine. BF might be optimal but FF isn't harmful, I feel some people miss this point 🤷🏼‍♀️

I just really dont want to. Its not a comfortable experience.

How would you know when you’ve never done it?

I’ve done it for three years with two babies. It’s the most magical bonding experience there is.

And here is a prime example of the rhetoric that ensures mothers feel guilty whatever they do.
Lambasting other mothers with your narrow minded view probably isn't your smartest move.

I breastfed both of mine and without exception the formula-feeding mums in the baby groups tried to make me feel bad about my choice. They told me repeatedly that I’d get more sleep and my baby would be healthier if I formula fed. The pressure is not on formula feeding mums, it’s actually on breastfeeding mums. We’re the ones who get dirty looks in cafes and relentless smugness for the formula mums.

FF is best for the child if it's best for the mother.

And given the amount of overweight/obese kids being fed a diet of shite past the breastfeeding stage, it's about far more than the milk.

You might well argue that, but that doesn't mean it's true though.